Undercover Office Potty

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Johnson… Beck Bennett

Kyle Mooney

Adam… Chris Redd

Boss… Bill Hader

[Starts with Johnson working in office at his desk. Kyle walks in.]

Kyle: Hey, Johnson. Don’t forget, we need those reports by the end of the day.

Johnson: You got it.

[Johnson starts having stomach problem. He looks at his watch.]

Female voice: Need to go to the bathroom? But you have a lot of work to do. And it’s all the way down the hall.

Johnson: Yes.

Female voice: We’ve all been there before. Why don’t you check your lamp?

Johnson: Huh?

Female voice: Check your lamp.

[Johnson checks his big lamp. The lamp can be opened and there’s a hollow space in the lamp stand.]

Johnson: Whoa!

Female voice: Go ahead. Do you business.

Johnson: What do you mean?

Female voice: Use it as a toilet.

Johnson: Oh, now I get it.

Female voice: Introducing the Undercover Office Potty. The only toilet that looks like a lamp so you can go whenever you want and no one has to know. Just open it up and go to town. It will be our little secret.

[Johnson puts the lamp back]

Johnson: Thanks, Under Cover Office Potty. I did good.

[Kyle walks back in]

Kyle: Hey, Johnson. Did you get around those reports?

Johnson: Yeah. Finished them a while ago. [whispering at the camera] I had plenty of time.

Kyle: Wait, why do you have so many lamps on your desk?

Johnson: Oh. I guess I like a lot of light.

[Kyle smells around]

Kyle: Oh, god! It stinks in here.

Johnson: Well, it wasn’t me. I used the bathroom all the way down the hall.

Kyle: Jesus! I think it’s these lamps.

[Kyle smells the lamp from close]

Holy [bleep], man! It’s definitely these lamps. Oh, my god!

Johnson: [yelling] It smells like regular lamps to me.

Kyle: Hey Adam, get in here.

[Adam walks in smelling around]

Adam: Holy [bleep] .

Johnson: Alright, everybody calm down.

[Adam smells the lamp too.]

Adam: Oh! Um-umm! There’s something wrong with these lamps.

Johnson: Oh, yeah, right. I probably have to get back to work.

Kyle: Dude, did you take [bleep] in your lamps?

Johnson: What? In these lamps? I don’t think so.

Kyle: We gotta do something about this. I’m telling Mr. Anderson.

Johnson: No. Please.

[Boss walks to Johnson’s office. Johnson walks out and closes the door before Boss reaches in.]

Boss: Johnson, this is never easy but your coworkers are complaining about your lamps.

Johnson: But I go to the bathroom all the way down the hall.

Boss: I have to take a look at these lamps.

[Boss walks in]

Oh, my god!

[Boss opens the lamps]

Oh! You lied, Johnson. You went to the bathroom in the lamps. Get them out of here.

Johnson: Yes, sir. Sorry sir.

[Johnson throws all the lamps to the garbage]

Female voice: Let me guess, nosy coworkers caught on to the lamps because you had too many on your desk?

Johnson: Yeah.

Female voice: We’ve got you covered with everyday office items that you can use as a toilet. Introducing the Undercover Office Potty Disguise Supplies. There’s the stapler, the tape dispenser and the automatic pencil sharpener.

[Cut to Johnson in his office with these new supplies. The supplies are too huge of a size. His colleagues walk pass by.]

Johnson: Hey, guys, look. I got rid of the lamps.

Kyle: Why is your tape disperser so massive?

Johnson: Hmm. Because I like a lot of tapes.

[Boss walks in and opens the tape dispenser]

Boss: God! He’s going to the bathroom in his oversized office supplies.
Johnson: But I go to the bathroom down the hall.

Boss: What is wrong with you?

Johnson: I just need–

Boss: [yelling] Why would you do this?

Johnson: The voiceover said it would save time for business.

Boss: What have you been working on?

Johnson: I don’t know. I’ve been too busy going to the bathroom.

Boss: It smells like [bleep] in here.

Johnson: [sobbing] Am I fired?

Boss: Yes!

[Johnson is walking out]

And take that [bleep] with you.

Johnson: Right. Yeah, of course.

[Johnson tries to carry them all at once. He spills all the toilet on the hallway.]

Female voice: Undercover Office Potty. Be gold Be true. Make the bathroom come to you.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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