Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of students walking at right top corner.]
Michael Che: This Wednesday was national walkout day. Sorry, that’s a wrong picture. [Picture changes to Donald Trump Jr. and Vanessa Trump] Oh, there it is. Vanessa Trump– [Colin Jost laughing hard] You know what we do here, right? Vanessa Trump filed for divorce from her husband Donald Trump Jr. It’s a tough break but I’m sure he’ll take it on the no chin.
[Picture changes to Houston Astros team]
President Trump welcomed the World Series champions, Houston Astros to the White House which is weird because baseball is the one industry where immigrants actually are taking our jobs.
[Colin Jost laughing hard]
Houston Astros were even nice enough to give Trump a jersey with his approval rating on the back. [His jersey has number 17 on it]
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Walmart logo at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Walmart has filed a patent for a robot bees that could be used to pollinate crops like real bees. Which leads me to ask, what is Walmart now? It’s a department store that became a grocery store and a fire arms dealer and now they’re just building an army of robot bees? I miss the good old days when Walmart was just a place where I saw my third grade teacher punch a greetor on Black Friday.
[Picture changes to strawberry skittles freeze and Taco Bell logo at left top corner.]
Taco Bell is selling a strawberry skittles freeze made with skittles candy. You know, Mexican food. Just like Mi Abuella used to make.
