…..Colin Jost[ Colin Jost and Michael Che are at the news desk. ]
COLIN JOST: Rapper 50 Cent continued his longstanding feud with Ja Rule by buying 200 tickets to his most recent concert so they would all be empty. It’s just great. Ironically, 200 tickets to a Ja Rule concert costs exactly fifty-cents.
MICHAEL CHE: NBC news announced the Megyn Kelly would not be returning to the Today Show after her comments last week about black face. But don’t worry, she’s recovering with a nice relaxing trip to the spa.
COLIN JOST: The Philadelphia City Council approved a resolution honoring Gritty, the new Philadelphia Flyers mascot. After lawmakers passed the measure, Gritty kept his end of the deal, by releasing their children.
MICHAEL CHE: Two male penguins in a same-sex relationship have hatched their first egg. Or, and hear me out, male penguins look exactly like female penguins.
COLIN JOST: A nun in Colombia who had lived in a convent for eight years has left the clergy to become a porn star, destroying the otherwise spotless sexual reputation of the Catholic Church. And a man in New Mexico was shot in the back by his dog after the animal had rested his paw on a rifle in the back seat and it slipped. Okay, but then why had the dog googled: ‘How to shoot gun’?
MICHAEL CHE: The inventor of the MetroCard died this week..while waiting for the ‘L’ train.