Weekend Update- Aidy Bryant


Colin Jost

Aidy Bryant

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin JostColin Jost: It was reported this week that Mark Wahlberg was paid $1.5 million for the reshoots of the movie ‘All The Money In The World’ while his co-star Michelle Williams made only $80 a day. Here to comment is Aidy Bryant.

[Aidy Bryant slides in]

Aidy Bryant: Whoo. Hi, Colin. Hey.

Colin Jost: How are you? Thanks for being here. Thanks for doing this.

Aidy Bryant: Oh. Thank you for having me. And I’m sorry I rolled out here kind of weird. Did I ruin it?

Colin Jost: No. Of course you didn’t ruin anything. There’s nothing to apologize for.

Aidy Bryant: Oh. I know. I just do that. You know. I t’s kind of my natural state because I, like most girls, have been taught to be accommodating and polite. Like, once, I felt bad about telling an Uber driver that he made a wrong turn and so I just went with him to New Jersey.

Colin Jost: Wow. So, what does that have to do with Michelle Williams?

Aidy Bryant: Well, I guess I just understand the impulse to be accommodating, you know? Like, I easily could have been in Michelle William’s position. I mean, not in the position of being in a movie. I have only been in one movie and it was Spiderman 1 and I had one line and it was uncredited. Although, I was recently offered the role of fat ugly prison who brings inmates sex and cake. And that’s real.

Colin Jost: God, wow. What do you think of the public response to the story?

Aidy Bryant: Well, everyone’s talking about how women should negotiate harder and ask for more money. And that’s true. And I really think women are ready to do that. But I feel like maybe, just maybe, men could be just like [showing a tiny amount using her fingers] this much more dees. You know?

Colin Jost: Little dees? Like, decent?

Aidy Bryant: Yeah. Yeah. I wanna say decent but I’m trying to keep it like, cool and chill so I don’t come off like a shrew.

Colin Jost: Okay. So, you’re saying we kind of need to find like, a middle ground. Right?

Aidy Bryant: Yeah. Well, equal pay is the goal. But, at this point, I’d be happy to just even gain like, a couple of yards. And yes, that’s a straight up sports reference for da’ boys.

Colin Jost: Very cool. Yeah.

Aidy Bryant: All that I’m saying is if I’m going to be more like, Mark Wahlberg, then maybe Mark Wahlberg can take a little trip inside my brain. Which is just a tornado of “Are you okay? Is she okay? I’m sorry. Here’s $50.”

Colin Jost: So, you think people should act more like that?

Aidy Bryant: No, Colin. No one should act like this. It’s the prison of the mind.

Colin Jost: Well, Mark Wahlberg did announce that he is donating his salary from the reshoots to the time’s up legal fund.

Aidy Bryant: Yes. And that’s great. That’s the right thing to do. But it would be so cool if it didn’t take a week long public shaming to do the right thing. Maybe do it daily private shaming which is what I have done my entire damn life.

Colin Jost: That sounds like some very good advice, Aidy. Yes.

Aidy Bryant: Yeah. Well, to quote Kate Yeager, Mark Wahlberg’s character from Transformers, “I think we just found a transformer.” I’m sorry, that’s the wrong quote. It was, um, “You gotta have faith, Prime, in who we can be.” See, Colin? We can all be transformers.

Colin Jost: Aidy Bryant, everyone.

Aidy Bryant: I love you. I’m sorry.

Colin Jost: Don’t apologize.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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