Aidy Bryant[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin JostColin Jost: It was reported this week that Mark Wahlberg was paid $1.5 million for the reshoots of the movie ‘All The Money In The World’ while his co-star Michelle Williams made only $80 a day. Here to comment is Aidy Bryant.[Aidy Bryant slides in]
Aidy Bryant: Whoo. Hi, Colin. Hey.
Colin Jost: How are you? Thanks for being here. Thanks for doing this.
Aidy Bryant: Oh. Thank you for having me. And I’m sorry I rolled out here kind of weird. Did I ruin it?
Colin Jost: No. Of course you didn’t ruin anything. There’s nothing to apologize for.
Aidy Bryant: Oh. I know. I just do that. You know. I t’s kind of my natural state because I, like most girls, have been taught to be accommodating and polite. Like, once, I felt bad about telling an Uber driver that he made a wrong turn and so I just went with him to New Jersey.
Colin Jost: Wow. So, what does that have to do with Michelle Williams?
Aidy Bryant: Well, I guess I just understand the impulse to be accommodating, you know? Like, I easily could have been in Michelle William’s position. I mean, not in the position of being in a movie. I have only been in one movie and it was Spiderman 1 and I had one line and it was uncredited. Although, I was recently offered the role of fat ugly prison who brings inmates sex and cake. And that’s real.
Colin Jost: God, wow. What do you think of the public response to the story?
Aidy Bryant: Well, everyone’s talking about how women should negotiate harder and ask for more money. And that’s true. And I really think women are ready to do that. But I feel like maybe, just maybe, men could be just like [showing a tiny amount using her fingers] this much more dees. You know?
Colin Jost: Little dees? Like, decent?
Aidy Bryant: Yeah. Yeah. I wanna say decent but I’m trying to keep it like, cool and chill so I don’t come off like a shrew.
Colin Jost: Okay. So, you’re saying we kind of need to find like, a middle ground. Right?
Aidy Bryant: Yeah. Well, equal pay is the goal. But, at this point, I’d be happy to just even gain like, a couple of yards. And yes, that’s a straight up sports reference for da’ boys.
Colin Jost: Very cool. Yeah.
Aidy Bryant: All that I’m saying is if I’m going to be more like, Mark Wahlberg, then maybe Mark Wahlberg can take a little trip inside my brain. Which is just a tornado of “Are you okay? Is she okay? I’m sorry. Here’s $50.”
Colin Jost: So, you think people should act more like that?
Aidy Bryant: No, Colin. No one should act like this. It’s the prison of the mind.
Colin Jost: Well, Mark Wahlberg did announce that he is donating his salary from the reshoots to the time’s up legal fund.
Aidy Bryant: Yes. And that’s great. That’s the right thing to do. But it would be so cool if it didn’t take a week long public shaming to do the right thing. Maybe do it daily private shaming which is what I have done my entire damn life.
Colin Jost: That sounds like some very good advice, Aidy. Yes.
Aidy Bryant: Yeah. Well, to quote Kate Yeager, Mark Wahlberg’s character from Transformers, “I think we just found a transformer.” I’m sorry, that’s the wrong quote. It was, um, “You gotta have faith, Prime, in who we can be.” See, Colin? We can all be transformers.
Colin Jost: Aidy Bryant, everyone.
Aidy Bryant: I love you. I’m sorry.
Colin Jost: Don’t apologize.