…..Michael Che[ Colin Jost and Michael Che are seated at the news desk. ]
COLIN JOST: Amazon has opened a new store that only sells the company’s highest rated items called Amazon 4-Star. And there’s also a store that sells Amazon’s lowest rated items, called RadioShack.
MICHAEL CHE: A new exhibit has opened at Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson, dedicated to the life of his slave, Sally Hemmings, who gave birth to six of his children. And you know they are his kids, because they all got that good hair.
COLIN JOST: A vintage airplane will soon be installed at JFK airport and turned into a cocktail lounge. While at Laguardia, it’s now boarding at Gate 32.
MICHAEL CHE: A man in North Dakota was arrested after he climbed into the holy water fountain at mass and started masturbating. Okay, but show me where exactly in the Bible it says you can’t do that.