Weekend Update- Bailey Gismert


Michael Che

Bailey Gismert… Heidi Gardner

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Oscar nominations were announced this week. Here with award’s predictions is a star of her own YouTube channel ‘Bailey At The Movies’, please welcome teen film critic, Bailey Gismert.

[Bailey Gismert slides in] [cheers and applause]

Bailey Gismert: [awkwardly] Um, hi.

Michael Che: How are you doing, Bailey? So, we’re glad to have you. I’m a big fan of your YouTube channel.

Bailey Gismert: Okay. I didn’t realize that you knew, like, everything about me. Alright. Michael Che is my stalker. Ha-ha. I’m just kidding. I know that you’re not. Not. Sorry.

[Bailey Gismert is acting very awkward]

Michael Che: So, Bailey, let’s hear your thoughts about this year’s Oscar movies.

Bailey Gismert: Okay, thirsty? Okay, Shape of water was like– I don’t know. It was like, weird. It was just like so weird.

Michael Che: Yeah. I guess it was kind of out there. Um, what else did you see?

Bailey Gismert: Okay. So, um, I saw ‘Three Billboards’.  It’s weird too. I don’t know. But, lady put up the billboards and I was like, “Okay, random.”

Michael Che: Okay. Well, you know what’s getting a lot of buzz is “Call Me By Your Name.”

Bailey Gismert: [smiling] Stop. [laughing and blushing] Stop.

Michael Che: Okay.

Bailey Gismert: I actually liked that one a lot. That was really good.

Michael Che: You did? What about Armie Hammer? You like Hammer?

Bailey Gismert: [giggling] Stop it. Oh, my god. Yes, I liked him. I didn’t like him, like him. I just like, thought he was goo in it.

Michael Che: It looks like you might have a little crush on him.

Bailey Gismert: No! Oh, my god. I never said that. Just because I’m friends with a lot of guys doesn’t mean I like him. Like, I try. I do. I try to be friends with girls. And I get along with guys better.

Michael Che: Yeah.

Bailey Gismert: [shaky voice] And if Armie Hammer sees this, it’s gonna be like, so bad.

Michael Che: Oh, hey, sorry Bailey. I didn’t mean to make you upset.

Bailey Gismert: I’m not up– [Bailey Gismert slowly wipes away her tears] I’m not upset. [sobbing] I’m just like, really dealing with a lot. And like, I know you guys only have to this show once a week. But I’m like, so stressed every night. With like, the play or yearbook. Like, I have to bowl with my dad. I had mono like, the whole year. And that’s why I didn’t even get to go on the French trip to cut back.

Michael Che: Look, Bailey. You did a great job. We’re all really proud of you. Honestly.

Bailey Gismert: [smiling] Okay, cool. Then if you like this and you like my reviews, then click the button below to like and subscribe.

Michael Che: Hey, Bailey, this isn’t YouTube. This is live television.

Bailey Gismert: Okay, random. What even is that?

Michael Che: Bailey Gismert, everybody.

Bailey Gismert: Ladybird sucks. Directors should be mad.

Michael Che: Whoa! For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.

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