Weekend Update Betsy DeVos


Colin Jost

Betsy DeVos… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was under fire this week after a disastrous 60 minute interview. Here to clarify her points is Betsy DeVos.

[Betsy DeVos slides in] [cheers and applause]

Betsy DeVos: Thank you. Hello, the audience. Hello, the man.

Colin Jost: Hi. Yeah, well, thank you so much for coming. So, Betsy, what happened with that interview?

Betsy DeVos: Well, I think the problem is that the words that were coming out of my mouth were bad. And that is because they came from my brain.

Colin Jost: Okay. Well, tonight, we can give you another chance. Like, what are your thoughts about public schools versus charter schools?

Betsy DeVos: Well, you know, I don’t like to think of things in terms of school. That it should be up to the states. In Wyoming, for example, which has many potential grizzlies, there should be a school for bears. And in Louisiana, crocodile crossing guards. And in North Carolina, stop being trans and that’s what’s best for them.

Colin Jost: Okay. You might now be the most protested member of Trump’s cabinet. Why do you think that is?

Betsy DeVos: You know, I think it’s because I do not do a good job. And I can’t because I don’t know how.

Colin Jost: Alright. Well, that’s– yeah. Well, recently people have also been criticizing your position on guns in school.

Betsy DeVos: Well, you know, and again I think that the states should choose how they protect their schools based on their circumstances. For example, if two home alone style bandits want to rob a school, that school should have the option of red hot doorknobs or a paint can that swings down a staircase. You know, that’s good school’s good choice. So, whatever they choose, we are working hard to ensure that all schools are safe learning environments for guns.

Colin Jost: Can I just ask you something? Do you like your job?

Betsy DeVos: No, I do not. I do spend most of it getting screamed at while climbing into an escalate. But I do like visiting good school and doing worksheets with cute little blacks and the occasional stinky poor white.

Colin Jost: Stinky poor white

Betsy DeVos: Yeah.

Colin Jost: Secretary DeVos, do you really want to say that on TV?

Betsy DeVos: Oh! I did a fudge. Oh! Look, I may not be very good on camera. But behind the scenes, my ideas are much worse.

Colin Jost: Betsy DeVos, everyone.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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