Betsy DeVos… Kate McKinnon[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was under fire this week after a disastrous 60 minute interview. Here to clarify her points is Betsy DeVos.[Betsy DeVos slides in] [cheers and applause]
Betsy DeVos: Thank you. Hello, the audience. Hello, the man.
Colin Jost: Hi. Yeah, well, thank you so much for coming. So, Betsy, what happened with that interview?
Betsy DeVos: Well, I think the problem is that the words that were coming out of my mouth were bad. And that is because they came from my brain.
Colin Jost: Okay. Well, tonight, we can give you another chance. Like, what are your thoughts about public schools versus charter schools?
Betsy DeVos: Well, you know, I don’t like to think of things in terms of school. That it should be up to the states. In Wyoming, for example, which has many potential grizzlies, there should be a school for bears. And in Louisiana, crocodile crossing guards. And in North Carolina, stop being trans and that’s what’s best for them.
Colin Jost: Okay. You might now be the most protested member of Trump’s cabinet. Why do you think that is?
Betsy DeVos: You know, I think it’s because I do not do a good job. And I can’t because I don’t know how.
Colin Jost: Alright. Well, that’s– yeah. Well, recently people have also been criticizing your position on guns in school.
Betsy DeVos: Well, you know, and again I think that the states should choose how they protect their schools based on their circumstances. For example, if two home alone style bandits want to rob a school, that school should have the option of red hot doorknobs or a paint can that swings down a staircase. You know, that’s good school’s good choice. So, whatever they choose, we are working hard to ensure that all schools are safe learning environments for guns.
Colin Jost: Can I just ask you something? Do you like your job?
Betsy DeVos: No, I do not. I do spend most of it getting screamed at while climbing into an escalate. But I do like visiting good school and doing worksheets with cute little blacks and the occasional stinky poor white.
Colin Jost: Stinky poor white
Betsy DeVos: Yeah.
Colin Jost: Secretary DeVos, do you really want to say that on TV?
Betsy DeVos: Oh! I did a fudge. Oh! Look, I may not be very good on camera. But behind the scenes, my ideas are much worse.
Colin Jost: Betsy DeVos, everyone.