Baskin Johns…..Heidi Gardner[ Inside the newsroom, Michael and Coli are seated at the news desk. ]
MICHAEL CHE: Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle website, Goop, celebrated its tenth anniversary last week. Here to tell us about the latest in self-care is Goop staffer, Baskin Johns. [ Baskin Johns slides over in her chair to join Michael at the news desk. ] So Baskin, how long have you been working at Goop?
Baskin Johns: So, I started at Goop pretty recently. But, um, I just finished my product knowledge training. So, I’m very excited to share some Goop skin care with you.
MICHAEL CHE: That’s great. And I bet Gwyneth is watching.
Baskin Johns: Oh, yeah. Hadn’t thought about that. Okay. So, alright. Um. [ She pulls out a beauty care product. ] So, up first is our Goop Revitalizing Lotion. It’s the number one most revitalizing lotion in the world. Rated number one in revitalization. Right? Yeah. No, yeah. That’s right. Sorry. Like I said, there is a lot of products to memorize at Goop. And, um, I just wanted to get it right, if Gwyn’s tuning in.
MICHAEL CHE: I hope I didn’t freak you out when I said Gwyneth might be watching.
Baskin Johns: No, Oh my God, no. I’m good. Okay.
MICHAEL CHE: Because, Goop is a pretty big company.
Baskin Johns: Yeahhh. Yeahhh. Uh-huh. Um. You know we actually have our own science labs.
MICHAEL CHE: Oh, wow and I assume there is no animal testing and its cruelty free.
Baskin Johns: Yes, there’s no animals involved. All the testing and cruelty is done on and to the staff.
MICHAEL CHE: So you test the products on yourselves?
Baskin Johns: Speaking of, I have another product that I wanted to get out there. [ She puts the product in her hand aside and pulls out a smaller container. ] So this is our Goop Luminous Solution. And it’s uh [ She hesitates. ] …number one most luminous solution in the world. [ She hesitates again. ] Rated number one in luminous-ization.
MICHAEL CHE: I thought the first lotion was rated [ He imitates her voice. ] ‘number one’.
Baskin Johns: Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah, no. Yeah. Actually. [ She holds up both the products. ] So these two lotions are tied for number one best supporting lotion. [ She pretend fights the lotion containers. ] They’re duking it out.
MICHAEL CHE: Yeah, I actually like the smell of that one.
Baskin Johns: Yeah! Can you smell the number ones in there? [ She opens the smaller container and holds is close to Michael’s face. ]
MICHAEL CHE: Yeah, okay, so Baskin..I don’t know what number ones are. What would you say is Goop’s mission statement?
Baskin Johns: Oh. [ She hesitates to speak while attempting to close the lotion several times. ] Sa Goop? Sa Goop…So Goop. Okay, Gwyneth is watching. Hi Gwyneth. So Goop, ummmm. So Goop is to me, okay so… Goop is, I don’t even know what Goop is [ She begins to cry a little. She holds up the two lotion bottles. ] This is Goop.
MICHAEL CHE: You seem a little on edge. Is Gwyneth Paltrow like a hard person to work for?
Baskin Johns: Noooo. Noo. No. No, no, no, no. [ She begins to nod. ] Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, um. What are you doing to me? You’re going to make me Goop my pants. Oh my God, which would be an honor Gwyn. I would love to Goop my pants.
MICHAEL CHE: Baskin Johns everybody.
Baskin Johns: I’ll get it right next time, Gwyn. I promise. I promise I will.