Kyle Mooney[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: The Academy Awards are tomorrow. Here to break everything down is resident movie buff, Kyle Mooney.[Kyle Mooney slides in] [cheers and applause]
Kyle Mooney: What’s up, Mike? Oscar Sunday! Let’s do this! Yay!
Michael Che: Ah! You seem pretty excited.
Kyle Mooney: Of course, man. Everybody all dressed up. It’s going down! [loud voice] Big Mike!
Michael Che: No one calls me that.
Kyle Mooney: Ha-ha. Mike, Colin, me, the boys. But um, what’s the plan on Sunday? Where are we gonna watch the the big show?[Colin Jost and Michael Che looks confused]
Michael Che: Oh! Actually, we don’t know yet.
Colin Jost: Don’t.
Michael Che: [awkwardly] I’m still trying to figure out what I’m gonna do. Hey, who do you got for best picture this year?
Kyle Mooney: I’ll get to that. But, what about you, Colin? Don’t you usually do like, a big Oscar party, like, every year or something?
Colin Jost: What’s that? No. Sometimes. No. I’m actually not sure yet.
Kyle Mooney: Really? Coz I thought I heard some people saying you might be doing a big thing this year. That’s not going down no more?
Colin Jost: I mean, I guess I was thinking about doing something but I don’t know if it’s really gonna come together.
Kyle Mooney: Okay. [looking disappointed] Um, coz you like– Ha-ha. Coz you like– You wouldn’t just not invite me, right?
Colin Jost: What? No. If I was doing one, you would definitely be there. You’d be invited for sure.
Kyle Mooney: Dope! Alright. Let’s just do it at my place coz Michael, you said you for sure don’t have any plans yet. Right?
Michael Che: I said that? [looks at Colin]
Colin Jost: Please don’t tell him.
Kyle Mooney: Wait, what’s that?
Colin Jost: What’s that? No. Che and I were talking. We gotta figure something out later.
Kyle Mooney: Okay, how about we figure this out right now? So, Big Mike, what time are we thinking? Like, 10 AM start? I think my brother and his girl might roll over too. She actually might bring her boss.
Michael Che: So the group would be you, your brother, his girlfriend and her boss?
Kyle Mooney: Hell, yeah! And then, you and Colin. Since you guys don’t have plans.
Michael Che: [to Colin] We have to–
Kyle Mooney: Right?
Michael Che: [to Colin] We gotta tell him.
Kyle Mooney: Coz, I gotta be honest, I’m starting to think that maybe Colin is having a party and he’s not inviting me because you guys don’t like me. [Colin Jost and Michael Che are silent] I mean, this kind of feels like middle school where people would be fake to me because I didn’t wear named brand shoes. Is that the problem? That I don’t wear name brand shoes?
Colin Jost: No.
Michael Che: No.
Colin Jost: It’s definitely not.
Kyle Mooney: Okay. Well, then what is it? Say it to my face. Or invite me to your party. Oh, wait! I guess the party isn’t happening anymore even though I just found this?[Kyle Mooney shows a flyer. It’s Colin’s Big Oscar Party flyer.]
Colin Jost: Alright, fine. Kyle, I’m sorry. I’m throwing a party. It’s just that you and I are not that close and I couldn’t invite everyone. Okay? I’m sorry, man.
Kyle Mooney: Okay. And you’re positive it has nothing to do with my shoes?[Kyle Mooney puts his shoes on the desk. It has all the branding names wrong.]
Michael Che: What is that? Beebok? [fake Reebok]
Colin Jost: Those are Beeboks Yeah. Alright, fine. It’s coz of your off brand shoes. Okay?
Kyle Mooney: They’re cheaper. They’re just as good as the real thing. I mean, hey, we only make eight bucks an hour here, right?
Michael Che: Oh, no!
Kyle Mooney: Wait! You guys make more than that?
Michael Che: Kyle Mooney, everyone!
Kyle Mooney: Ah, man!