Weekend Update on Vet Who Smuggled Heroin in Puppies


Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There are pictures of dogs and Colombian flag at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: A Columbian veterinarian has been charged with allegedly smuggling heroin inside of puppies. This according to the very dark sequel to the “Secret Life of Pets.”

[Cut to Michael Che There’ a picture of Kim Jong-Un and Moon Jae-in at right top corner.]

Michael Che: During the historic summit between Kim Jong-Un and the leader of South Korea, Kim Jong-Un brought his own personal toilet to the meeting. Worse, the toilet was an uncle who betrayed him.

[Picture changes to Kanye West] [looks at Kanye West’s picture] Pass!

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of 7Eleven at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: As 7Eleven in California is trying to keep people from begging for money outside of the store by loudly playing classical music. Unfortunately, it’s only making the vagrants smarter.

[Picture changes to a police car]

A man in Kansas was arrested after he was caught having sex with a tailpipe of a car. The sex was described as “exhausting.”

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a police car at right top corner.]

Michael Che: A California man was arrested after being accused of waterboarding his wife. Still no word on where the remote control is.

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x