Weekend Update on Vin Diesel Receiving Honorary Degree

0
(0)

Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of Vin Diesel at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Hunter College has announced that they will give an honorary degree to actor Vin Diesel. Diesel says he can’t wait to find out whether the degree is in Fahrenheit or Celsius.

[Picture changes to Best Buy logo]

Electronic store Best Buy has changed their logo in order to get more modern. The logo went from this to this. [Picture changes to amazon logo] [Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of police car at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Police arrested a legless woman in Florida who was wanted for skipping accord date. It’s a rare case of legless person skipping. [audience laughing] [Picture changes to Yale University]

I’m not above that joke at all. Police said Yale University interrogated a black graduate student after a white student reported her for sleeping in the common room. So, if you’re black and you go to Yale, stay woke. And I feel like the next time a scary white lady calls a cops on an innocent black person, we should get something, right? I don’t know, like, 50 bucks? Call it “The Meghan Tax.” That way when black people hear siren, we can be like, “Oh, cool. I’mma make rent.”

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Starbucks at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: The CEO of Starbucks said that no one would ever again be forced to buy an item before using one of their restrooms. At least that’s what the guys who cleans the Starbucks bathroom wrote in his suicide note.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a moose at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Officers in Colorado are searching for the man who was reportedly harassing a moose by chasing it down the street. Said the man, “I like my girls thick.”

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments