Michael Che
Prince William… Alex Moffat
Prince Harry… Mikey Day
[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: President Trump recently cancelled a trip to London with many are saying the royal family’s relationship with president Obama played a factor. Here with an official statement from Buckingham Palace are Prince William and Prince Harry.
[Prince William and Prince Harry slide in]
[cheers and applause]
Prince William: Hello.
Prince Harry: What’s up? Hi, Michael. What’s up, my dog?
[Prince Harry does the gang handshake with Michael Che]
Michael Che: Alright. Okay. Well.
Prince William: Good evening, Michael.
Prince Harry: What’s up?
Michael Che: It’s an honor to meet you. And thank you for coming all the way here from London.
Prince Harry: Yes. Michael, we’d like to apologize. Unfortunately, William’s hair was unable to make it this evening.
Prince William: Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Prince Harry: It’s devestating.
Prince William: Oh, bravo! Hilarious. Yes, a bald joke. Yes, buzz the sides this week. Rocking the Bruce Willis look broke the internet.
Prince Harry: No. Bruce Willis shaves it all, man. You’re a British Larry David. It’s not good. Shave it.
Prince William: Okay. You’re speaking of hair, how was the quidditch match, Ron Beasley?
Prince Harry: Ron Beasley? Who’s Ron Beasley?
Prince William: The red head one.
Prince Harry: It’s Ron Weasley.
Prince William: Oh, I don’t know. Who cares?
Prince Harry: Everyone cares.
Prince William: Nobody knows that.
Prince Harry: It’s Harry Potter. It makes up half of England’s economy. Come on. Just shave it, Will.
Prince William: Okay, just shut up about the hair.
Prince Harry: What hair? Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I love you. I love you.
Prince William: I love you more.
Prince Harry: Yeah? Alright. Windsor boys.
Prince William: Windsor boys.
Prince Harry: Yeah. Bring it in. Bring it in.
Prince William and Prince Harry: Bangers. Match. Hello.
Prince William: It’s a secret handshake, Michael.
Michael Che: Yeah. I saw. Very cool. Hey, before you give your statement, I just want to thank you again for coming to the show.
Prince William: Um, of course, Michael. Um, we love American telly. Um, my brother’s fiancé is Meghan Markle. She’s in the American program Suits.
Prince Harry: Yeah. Wednesdays, 8 PM, USA network. Check it out. She’s amazing.
Prince William: Right. Um, the only difference between that show and this is people watch this one.
Prince Harry: Oh! [clapping] Hilarious. What is it that you’re always watching? Wills? What is it? Oh, yeah. Kate’s Handbag. Right? Kate’s Handbag.
Prince William: Ha-ha-ha. Right.
Prince Harry: This guy goes shopping with Kate four times a week.
Prince William: She likes hats.
Prince Harry: She loves hats.
Prince William: [to Michael Che] Kate’s my wife.
Michael Che: I know who Kate Middleton is.
Prince William: Beautiful woman.
Michael Che: Yeah. Fine.
Prince William: great mom. Whenever the kids are being fussy and not going to bed, she puts on an episode of Suits and they’re out. Ha-ha.
[Prince Harry puts his pinky finger in his mouth and then inside Prince William’s ear.]
Oh, what are you doing?
Prince Harry: Look at that.
Prince William: Ouch.
Prince Harry: Look at that.
Prince William: Stop it. Stop it.
Michael Che: Did you just give him a wet willie?
Prince Harry: Yes. In England, it’s called moist Matthew.
Michael Che: Alright. I feel like I should remind everyone why you’re here which is to address rumors president Trump cancelled his UK trip because your family’s relationship with the Obama’s.
Prince Harry: Yes.
Prince William: Right. [Prince William opens a paper and reads it] Buckingham Palace does not comment on political matters. Thank you and goodbye.
Prince Harry: “Thank you and goodbye,” said William’s hair.
Prince William: Alright, enough.
Michael Che: Prince William and Prince Harry, everybody.
