…..Seth Meyers[ Colin Jost is sitting at the news desk. An image of Trump and Kanye West shaking hands is over Colin’s right shoulder. ]
Colin Jost: Well. President Donald Trump met with Kanye West in the Oval Office this week, which brings us to a segment we call: [ Cut to Title Image read by Colin. ] ‘Really!?! With Seth, Colin, and Michael’.[ Cut to Colin and Michael sitting at the news desk. Seth slides in on his chair and sits between them. ]
Seth Meyers: Woohoo!
Seth: Let’s do this!
Seth: So! Trump met Kanye in the Oval Office? Really!?! Don’t you have better things to do? And by the way when I say that, I’m not really sure which of you I’m talking to. The only place those two should meet is in group. It should be in a basement of a church and dude with an earring and a leather bracelet should be saying, “I’m so glad you both decided to come back”. I mean really!
Colin: And really, you could tell a lot by how each of them prepared for the meeting. Kanye prepared by learning every fact in the world backwards. While Trump prepared by clearing his desk of any valuables.
Michael Che: You know, I negotiated four ‘n’ words this entire season in my new contract. That’s true. So I just wanna know, how much money does this Nigga owe in taxes?[ A bell dings and 4 ‘N’s appear as an image below the news desk, one red X over the first ‘N’. ]
Seth: I was here for 12 years and Lorne never even gave me one ‘n’ word.
Seth: Really! Probably for the best. And really, you know how crazy Thursday at the White House was? Kid Rock was also there, and no one cared. It was almost a relief to hear someone as reasonable as Kid Rock was in the White House. You know how hard it is to make someone like Kid Rock seem like the adult in the room? His first name is Kid.
Colin: And really Kanye, now do you really think Donald Trump is your friend? After the meeting, he called you, a very different kind of guy. That is not a compliment, man. That’s what you call someone when you want to call them a word you can’t say any more. Like, hey, that Forrest Gump sure is a different kind of guy.
Seth: Really! And then Kanye ran behind the desk and hugged Trump and said, “I love this guy right here.” Really, look at this photo. [ Cut to image of Kanye hugging Trump, both smiling. Kanye is wearing a red ‘Make America Great Again’ hat. ] Man, it is so rare that you can see black people and white supremacists betrayed in the exact same moment. [ Cut back to the news desk. ] Really.
Michael: You know, I actually get a lot of what Kanye was trying to say. It sounds like somebody told him something really smart and he just retold it really really wrong. Like when I was a kid and the landlord showed up, and my mother would say, “Tell him I’m not here.” And then I’d say, “My momma said she’s not here.” That’s Kanye.
Seth: Really. Yeah, you know for an egomaniac, Kanye talks a lot about Trump. The fact that he wore a Trump hat to meet Trump is so thirsty. I mean I didn’t wear Yeezys when I met Kanye because I didn’t want to look desperate. And no one would sell me Yeezys.
Colin: And really look it’s really pretty simple. Kanye wants to be Trump’s famous friend because Obama called Kanye a jackass. And if the President of the United States called you a jackass, you’d go ‘You know who I like, the next President’. So in a way Obama is to blame for all of this, the same way Seth is to blame for making fun of Trump so much that he decided to become President.
Seth: Wait, really?
Colin: Yeah, we think that.
Seth: Really, people really think that?[ Michael and Colin both nod their heads. ]
Michael: Oh yeah.[ Cut back to the title image. ]
Announcer: This has been ‘Really!?! With Seth, Colin, and Michael’.