Carrie Krum (Aidy Bryant)
[Starts with Michael in his news set]
Michael Che: Well, it’s one of the busiest travel times of the year. So here with her holiday travel tips is seventh grade travel expert, Carrie Krum. [Carrie comes in] Hi, Carrie. So how are you liking your trip to New York?
Carrie Krum: Oh, I love it. Yeah, I mean I went to Time Square and I saw Spider Man and he gave me the finger.
Michael Che: Cool. So Carrie, what kind of destinations can you recommend for vacationers?
Carrie Krum: Oh, well, [Cut to Carrie] one of the absolute best global destinations has got to be Columbus, Ohio. Oh, yeah, you got cousins, you got aunts. And did you know that uncles can have ponytails too? But the best thing about Columbus is– [Cut to Michael and Carrie. Carrie is acting shy] Michael, Michael–
Michael Che: What?
Carrie Krum: My cousin’s neighbors are boys.
Michael Che: Alright, Carrie, that sounds pretty specific to your family trips. Where can other people travel?
Carrie Krum: Um, try the Twin freaking Cities! [Cut to Carrie] Yeah, where you’ll go to a farm and see a really big pig and your brother will tell you that’s where Ham comes from. And then you’ll sob because you love to eat ham.
Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Again, that feels like what you did in the Twin Cities. But what can everybody do?
Carrie Krum: Okay, well might I [Cut to Carrie] recommend staying at my aunt Nancy’s house? Because Michael, [Cut to Carrie and Michael. Carrie is acting shy.] Michael–
Michael Che: Yes?
Carrie Krum: She’s bra-less on the couch! [Cut to Carrie] Yeah, overall pretty great trip. Except I will say for when I got spanked.
Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Oh, I’m sorry.
Carrie Krum: Oh, don’t be, Michael. I mean that’s what traveling is all about, you know, testing boundaries. [Cut to Carrie] Like in Dubuque, Iowa, where my parents were drinking daiquiris and they were laughing and I didn’t get it but when adults are laughing, I’m laughing right along with them.
Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Now that sounds like a very fun vacation.
Carrie Krum: Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, Dubuque is a can’t miss. When I was there, [Cut to Carrie] my cousin Mitchell forgot his bathing suit, so he got to wear his underwear in the hot tub. And Michael, [Cut to Carrie and Michael. Carrie is acting shy.] Michael–
Michael Che: What?
Carrie Krum: You can kind of see his butt.
Michael Che: All right, well, have you ever been anywhere exotic?
Carrie Krum: Oh, yeah. [Cut to Carrie] Oh, duh, okay, once on a connecting flight from Phoenix to Denver, I got to go to the Atlanta airport. Okay, you want to talk exotic, I saw two indoor pigeons work together to carry a Bagel. That’s a Bonjour vacation.
Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael Che] Well, it sounds like you had a lot of awesome vacations. I mean, were there any places you didn’t like?
Carrie Krum: Yeah, Montana.
Michael Che: Montana? Why?
Carrie Krum: [Cut to Carrie] Because when I went to Montana, I fell on a bunch of rocks on my back.
Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Where?
Carrie Krum: On my back.
Michael Che: I mean where in Montana?
Carrie Krum: On the rocks! And it really hurt, [Cut to Carrie] so please don’t go there. The rocks are too hard and my back is too soft.
Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Okay. I won’t go there.
Carrie Krum: Okay. Michael, I’m sorry can we stop, because I got to go to the bathroom.
Michael Che: Can’t you just wait until the end?
Carrie Krum: No, because Mumford & Sons gave me a bunch of Sierra mist.
Michael Che: Well, if you have to go then go.
Carrie Krum: Okay. Thank you, Michael. I love you, Michael.
Michael Che: Carrie Krum everybody.
