Weekend Update Film Critic Terry Fink’s Spring Movie Review | Season 44 Episode 17

Colin Jost

Terry Fink… Alex Moffat

[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set]

Colin Jost: It’s time for spring movies. Here to give us his picks for the season is film critic Terry Fink.

[Terry Fink joins Colin Jost]

Terry Fink: Mr. Jost. A pleasure.

Colin Jost: Welcome, Terry. Now, I hear you watched every single film coming out this spring.

Terry Fink: That’s right. And I couldn’t have done it without a little trend called Macro Dosing.

Colin Jost: Sorry, did you say macro dosing?

Terry Fink: Yes. First up, superhero smash, Captain marvel. [Cut to Terry Fink. There’s a poster of Captain Marvel at left top corner of the screen] No surprise here, this film is a marvel of cinema. however I can’t say I love the climax of the film in which Captain Marvel turns into a bat and has sex with my high school gym teacher. But it’s still the best movie I’ve ever seen. Colin?

[Cut to Terry Fink and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Yeah, Terry, I don’t remember that scene you described. Did you say macro dosing? Because I think you meant micro dosing. Right?Like hallucinogenics.

Terry Fink: Ain’t nothing micro about these doses. LSD helps me see all these wonderful films. Now, let’s talk [Cut to Terry Fink. There’s a poster of Dumbo at left top corner of the screen] ‘Dumbo’. With big ears and an even bigger heart, Dumbo is a terrifying journey through hell. Amostly grabled mess of colors and shapes. This bizarre remake of Bryan Cranston’s “Trumbo”, never quite finds it’s footing. But, just like an elephant, you’ll never forget it’s touching Jihadi message. I couldn’t stop crying or laughing or swearing or biting the fellow next to me. I give it three screaming hot dogs and one Dr. Robotic. Marcus?

[Cut to Terry Fink and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Yeah, I’m Colin. How much LSD are you taking?

Terry Fink: Please. Who are you? The cop I slapped? Now, pass out the cigars, papa, because A Star Is Born.

Colin Jost: Yeah, that came out months ago.

Terry Fink: Oh, Colin, you still believe in time? [Cut to Terry Fink. There’s a poster of A Star Is Born at left top corner of the screen] There’s nothing shallow about Bradley Cooper’s performance as a pockmarked speed freak trying to smooch me in a Penn station stairwell. Mmwa! No thanks, Dante. Sadly, I was not as impressed by Lady Gaga who frankly pissed me off as that times square Elmo tried to pull my pants down. And 14 days without sleep, the film is a tad long but I give it two ketchup packets and 36 missed calls from my wife. Jesus?

[Cut to Terry Fink and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Terry, I think you should get some help man.

Terry Fink: Ha-ha. Swish. Fun fact, when you talk, I see Japanese subtitles. That’s why I give you fingernail clipping and one slender man wearing a Zoot suit.

Colin Jost: Thank you very much, Terry Fink, everyone.

Terry Fink: I’m fine!

Weekend Update Charles Barkley on the 2019 NCAA Final Four | Season 44 Episode 17

Michael Che

Charles Barclay… Kenan Thompson

Colin Jost

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Tonight is the start of the final four with Virginia Beating Charles Barclays Alma Mater Auburn. Here to talk about it is Charles Barclay.

[Charles Barclay joins Michael Che]

Charles Barclay: Boom! Muscles. What’s up, Michael? This is Charles Barkley, yeah, Auburn.

Michael Che: Auburn lost by one. Why are you so happy?

Charles Barclay: Because they came with the spread, man, yeah. Still, it was fun to see my school in the final four. [Cut to Charles Barclay ] They said, “It was going to be historic.” I said, “Yes, it is.” They said,”It’s going to be a party.” I said, “You’re damn right.” They said, “It’s going to be in Minneapolis.” I said, “Y’all have fun.”

[Cut to Michael Che and Charles Barclay]

Michael Che: You don’t’ like Minneapolis, Charles?

Charles Barclay: Man, it’s crazy place, Michael. [Cut to Charles Barclay] The only think black in Minnesota is toe nails. They ain’t got no beach out there. Just a big old lake. They’re lake people, Michael. Lake people are shady. The only thing worse than lake people is river people. Oh, river people come at you like little beavers.

[Cut to Michael Che and Charles Barclay]

Michael Che: So you won some money on the game?

Charles Barclay: Yes, yes. But not enough, I already lost $50,000 on my bracket.

Michael Che: What did you bet to win it all, Duke?

Charles Barclay: No, I bet everything on Hogwards Central. [Cut to Charles Barclay] I thought if a team of black wizards couldn’t win it all, nobody could. And then, later I found out that is not a real school but something from a Wayans Brothers script that got sent to me in 2004. You think that a former student athlete like myself would make better decisions?

[Cut to Michael Che and Charles Barclay]

Michael Che: Student athlete? Did you even go to class?

Charles Barclay: Oh, sure I did, and I was good student too because they let me major in Blackjack.

Michael Che: Still, college must have been fun back then.

Charles Barclay: Oh, yeah. The ‘80s man! [Cut to Charles Barclay] It was a crazy time. Dancing was illegal and every dog had sunglasses. 35 years ago I was a kid with a dream of being in a movie with Michael Jordan and Tweety Bird. And I did it. I was an NBA MVP, an Olympic gold medalist, and over my career I made about $50 million.

[Cut to Michael Che and Charles Barclay]

Michael Che: Wow.

Charles Barclay: And I gambled away $60 million.

Michael Che: Charles Barkley, everybody.

Charles Barclay: Somebody give me some money to put on.

Michael Che: It’s Weekend Update. I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.