Sandler Family Reunion | Season 44 Episode 19

Waiter… Chris Redd

Adam Sandler

Ring… Kyle Mooney

Mac… Mikey Day

Shawn Mendez

Ron Bacon… Kenan Thompson

Janet Sandler Bacon… Aidy Bryant

Pete Davidson

Bobby… Melissa Villaseñor

Chubbs… Leslie Jones

Beck Bennett

Mom… Kristen Wiig

Dad… Jimmy Fallon

[Starts with Waiter serving beer to Adam]

Waiter: Here’s your Heineken, Mr. Sandler.

Adam Sandler: Cool.

Waiter: [In Billi Madison voice] So cold! Do you want to drink tiny? Like Billy Madison.

Adam Sandler: I got that, that’s very funny.

Waiter: If you don’t mind me asking, how do you come up with all your characters and stuff?

Adam Sandler: I don’t know, I think they just kind of come to me.

Waiter: That’s kind of a lame answer, all right. Enjoy your reunion.

Adam Sandler: Yeah, there’s lots of Sandlers here, it’s a sandstorm.

Waiter: All right.

[Waiter leaves] [Ring and Mac joins Adam]

Ring: Hello, Mr. Hollywood big shot.

Adam Sandler: It’s cousin Ring, cousin Mac, good to see you.

[Cut to Ring and Mac]

Ring: Yes sir. Habito-poo-poo!

Mac: Habito-pee-poo!

[Cut to Adam]

Adam Sandler: Habito-yahoo!

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Mac: Adam, I was so excited when I heard you were coming, I was like, “Habito-woo-hoo!”

Adam Sandler: I don’ know. It’s been forever. How have you guys been?

[Cut to Ring and Mac]

Ring: Trying to get my real estate license now. Who knows, we shall see-hoo!

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: Great! Good luck.

Mac: As for me, [Cut to Ring and Mac] I got a– got-a-divorce. Very messy.

Ring: She was screwing his best friend.

Mac: Ha-ha. Shut up!

Ring: You shut up!

[Cut to Adam]

Adam Sandler: Shut up! Come on! There’s kids here. Oh, my god, is that my nephew Shawn? He’s still at the kids’ table.

[Shawn is sitting at the kid’s table with two other kids]

Shawn: What’s wrong? Want some McDonald’s? Will somebody get this kid a happy meal?

[Cut to Pete with a mic announcing]

Pete: Excuse me. May I have everyone’s attention, please. Hello, Sandlers.

[Cut to everybody]

Everybody: Habito-wee-whoo!

Pete: I just wanted to say, big hand for Ron Bacon and Janet Sandler Bacon for planning this whole thing.

[Cut to Janet and Ron]

Janet Sandler Bacon: Our pleasure. A-habida-dibada-doo!

Ron Bacon: Yes, yes. You know, I’m still not great at this, you all are doing an little invisible Clarinet thing. Is that what it is? It doesn’t matter. Slibida-bib-bap!

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: We’re so happy to have cousin Adam this year. Watch what you say about him because you might end up in one of his movies.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: What? I don’t use your guys for material.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: I don’t know about that, Adam. Because now I saw a movie where you picked someone who looked just like me. I seen that on the big ‘ol screen and said, “Hey, that’s me up there”.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: No, I promise you, Bobby, Bouchet is not based on you.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: I know that, dear, I was talking about the Big Daddy movie.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: Not that either. I can promise you.

[Cut to Chubbs]

Chubbs: I know Happy Gilmore, the Chubbs was based on me. How do I know this? A, my first name is Chubbs. B, I have a fake hand. And C, I’m a golf instructor. It’s all in the hips. You stole that from me.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: All right, maybe a borrowed some stuff from you guys. I swear to you, I didn’t do that a lot.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Yes, sure you didn’t. Everybody’s enjoying the party.

[Beck joins Pete]

Beck Bennett: Hey, Excuse me. Are we going to do the karaoke now?

Pete: Oh, no! The Karaoke is canceled.

Beck Bennett: Oh, okay. Cool. Once again, something that could have been brought to my attention yesterday.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: I’m going to go say hi to my mother, wish me luck. [Adam walks to his mom] Hi ma, great to see you. What do you think of the reunion? This is a whole family–

Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.

Adam Sandler: They’re not laughing, they love me.

Mom: No!

Adam Sandler: Come on, ma, be nice.

Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.

Adam Sandler: No!

Mom: No!

Adam Sandler: Ma, stop.

Mom: No

Adam Sandler: Shut up!

Dad: Why don’t you shut up.

[Dad comes in]

Adam Sandler: Papa. How are you doing?

Dad: [Speaking things that’s not understandable, but Adam Sandler is understand]

Adam Sandler: Oh!

Dad: That’s right, but the doctor says it’s nothing to worry about.

Adam Sandler: Oh, good.

Dad: How about I sing the Sandler family song. I wrote it 70 years ago.

Adam Sandler: No, nobody wants to hear that. I wouldn’t want to do that. And nobody wants to hear that.

Dad: I just want to. I would be great if I did that.

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights

Adam Sandler: I agree with mother. Let’s take a picture. Yo, come on, Colbert. Snap us. [Cut to everybody getting together for a family picture] Everyone get in. Okay. Come on. Stop looking at me. Shawn. Come on, take the picture. Take it. Ready? One, two, three.

Everybody: Habito-wee-whoo!

Adam Sandler’s “I Was Fired” Monologue | Season 44 Episode 19

Adam Sandler

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Sandler.

[Cheers and applause] [The band is playing music] [Adam Sandler gets in the door and walks to the stage]

Adam Sandler: Thank you, very much. I appreciate it. Thank you, guys. I love you. I really appreciate that. Thanks so much. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’m back at Saturday Night Live after all this time. It’s been a tremendous week. I love seeing old friends here, and making lots of new friends with the writers and the cast here. It’s great to be around their youthful energy. I was 23 years old when I started here. David Spade and Rob Schneider were 25 years old, and Norm McDonald was maybe 60 years old. I don’t know. I never asked him. Only he knows. But I had some of the best years of my life here. And I actually lost my virginity to a woman here in this very studio.

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you. I don’t kiss and tell, but it was here church lady. She said I was special. My wife and kids are here tonight.

[Cheers and applause]

I always tell them how SNL was the greatest time in my life and my daughter asked me, “If it was the greatest dad, then why did you ever leave?” Well, honey, there’s a reason.

[Music starts playing] [Adam takes a mic]

I was fired. I was fired.
I got fired so sad to tell
Well, I never saw it coming
I got fired from SNL

between seasons I heard a nasty rumor
that I was getting the sack
I tried to call Lauren Michael
But he never called me back

[Cheers and applause]

I’m joking, I’m joking. He called, he called.

I guess NBC has enough of crazy spoon head
and the songs I sang on the news
maybe they were sick of canteen boy
but I think they just hate the Jews

[Cheers and applause]

I was fired, not rehired,
well, it made me sad and blue
I told my boy Chris Farley I got fired
and he said “Same man, they fired my ass too”

[Cheers and applause]

Chris Rock is here.

[Chris Rock joins the stage] [Cheers and applause]

Hey, buddy. I love you.

Chris Rock: Hey man, how’s it going?

Adam Sandler: We were on this show together, right?

Chris Rock: Yeah, yeah. Same time. We got hired the same day.

Adam Sandler: That’s right. Now, why did you leave the show? I don’t understand.

Chris Rock: Why did I leave the show? Well, Adam—

I got fired,[laughter] I was fired
I was fired by NBC
Then I went on Living Color
3 weeks later they took it off TV

Adam Sandler: It’s okay. You hang in there. All right? You keep going after your dream.

Chris Rock: Thank you.

[Chris Rock leaves the stage]

Adam Sandler: Hey man, what’s up?

[Pete Davidson joins the stage]

Pete Davidson: How you doing?

Adam Sandler: Hey, how you doing pal?

Pete Davidson: I was fired, I was fired, I was fired-

Adam Sandler: Hey, hang on! Pete, you weren’t fired.

Pete Davidson: I wasn’t? How’s that even possible?

Adam Sandler: I don’t know man, but be patient ‘cause it’s coming soon. I love you.

[Pete leaves the stage]

Well it broke my heart to pieces
cause SNL was my home
where could I do my silly voices now
I never felt so alone

I was fired, I was fired
NBC said that I was done
then I made over $4 billion at the box office
so I guess you could say I won

[Cheers and applause]

So I was fired
but tonight I’m rehired
and I’m the happiest man alive
‘cause it feels so good to be back with you here tonight
where it all began for me
right here on Saturday Night Live

We got a great show. Shawn Mendes is here. Stick around. We’ll be right back.