Therapist… Scarlett Johansson
George Conway… Beck Bennett
Kellyanne Conway… Kate McKinnon
News host… Alex Moffat[Starts with a therapist talking to a couple] Therapist: Alright, so I’m familiar with some of the differences of opinion that you’ve had publicly. I want to know what you love about each other. So, why don’t you two read your list. George, would you like to start? [Cut to the couple]
George Conway: Okay.
Kellyanne Conway: Go ahead, babe.
George Conway: What I love about Kellyanne. [Cut to the couple laughing in a restaurant] She works so hard for her boss even though I hate his guts.[Cut to Kellyanne reporting news]
Kellyanne Conway: I actually have been to the porter and the democrats are actually lying. The children are not drinking from toilets. [Cut to the news host in his news set] Because they actually did not—
News host: Kellyanne, we are out of time.[Cut to Kellyanne]
Kellyanne Conway: They can use the corner.
News host: Let’s cut her mic? I don’t know.
Kellyanne Conway: Thank you.[Cut to George reading newspaper]
What I love about George, he always leaves his coffee mugs around. [His coffee mugs are all anti-Trump] He actually always tells me what he thinks about me to my face.[Cut to George and Kellyanne having dinner]
George? [George is using his phone] George. Are you mad at me?
George Conway: Oh, no, no, no.[Kellyanne’s phone beeps. Kellyanne checks, George has tweeted ‘Anyone who works for Trump is a demon.’]
Kellyanne Conway: George? Am I demon?
George Conway: Oh, from what? I can’t tell. I don’t even—I can’t see in here. It’s kind of dark and loud. I think I’m going through a tunnel.
Kellyanne Conway: George Conway. Do not subtweet me at the dinner table, please.[Cut to Kellyanne treaming George’s hair.]
George Conway: We find ways to spend time together.
Kellyanne Conway: I love our little pet names.
Kellyanne Conway: Hey loser!
George Conway: Hey wall!
We find ways to keep in touch during the workday.[George is tweeting ‘Trump is a psychopath’] [Cut to Kellyanne replying that tweet with ‘Hi Hon. We’re out of milk.’]
Kellyanne Conway: I love how my boss called him a stone-cold loser [Cut to Donald Trump’s tweet saying ‘George Conway…a stone cold LOSER & husband from hell!’] and husband from hell. I’m sorry, that’s something that George—
George Conway: I love when she does poems on TV.
Kellyanne Conway: I love that he loves to read the DSM to find out whats wrong my boss.
George Conway: Narcissist, there it is.[Cut to George and Kellyanne taking selfie in the street[
I love that when Ann Coulter set us up, she thought, “These two are perfect for each other.”
Kellyanne Conway: I love that we agree on the big stuff like small government and no food for the poor.
Both: Get a job.
George Conway: And I know I’m not supposed to but I even love our fights.[Cut to George and Kellyanne fighting]
George Conway: I feel bad for you.
Kellyanne Conway: You are the one who introduced us, George.
George Conway: I didn’t know he’d be president.
Kellyanne Conway: You’re not even verified on twitter. Where is your blue check, George?
George Conway: Ah!
Kellyanne Conway: Jesus!
News: Jerrold Nadler has just announced articles of impeachment.[George and Kellyanne are clearing the table to make out] [Cut to George, Kellyanne and the therapist]
Kellyanne Conway: Okay, so do you have what you need for your piece?
Therapist: Piece? Oh, I’m not a reporter. I’m a therapist.
George Conway: Oh, this isn’t for a book?
Therapist: Oh, no. What you say doesn’t leave this room?
Kellyanne Conway: Then why are we doing this? We’re going to go. We have to fight on “The View”.
George Conway: Hon, I got to be done by five for dinner with a Kathy Griffin.
Kellyanne Conway: Don’t get me all hot. Save it for the show![Ends]