Pig Boy… Bowen Yang[Starts with a clip of night dance club building] [Music playing] [Cut to inside the club, people are dancing. Kenan and Ego are enjoying their meal at the table]
Kenan: Um-hmm. Yeah! This is something, girl, Baltimore has come a long way. I might have one more.
Ego: You know we got church in the morning.
Kenan: It’s Tuesday.
Ego: And? You think the devil takes off Wednesdays?
Kenan: No, he doesn’t.
Ego: Okay.[Kristen walks up to the couple]
Kenan: Oh! Hello, young lady.
Kristen: What’s your deal?
Kenan: Us? Well, it’s our anniversary and we’re meeting somebody here. But right now, I’m enjoying these here crabcakes. [Cut to Kenan and Ego] I can only have crab once a quarter due to the swelling.
Ego: Good thing we brought our own food, this place don’t even have a menu.
Kristen: Yes, I mean, are you married, or–?
food, this place don’t even have a menu. Are you married, or—[Cut to Kenan and Ego]
Ego: Yeah, we are married, yes indeed.[Cut to Kristen]
Kristen: Oh, that’s so cool. How long have you been married?[Cut to Kenan and Ego]
Kenan: Since birth.[Cut to Kristen]
Kristen: That’s so amazing. I mean, I would love to just get inside that. Even if it was just one night, you know?
Kenan: Well, good luck to you.
Ego: Plenty of options here, around.
Kristen: Let me ask you a question.
Ego: Is it about my fish sandwich? Because it’s not on the menu. I brought it here myself, it’s from Mecca-Donald’s.
Kristen: Have you ever heard of that song by Katy Perry, it’s something like, “I kissed a girl and I liked it”?
Ego: I’m sorry, baby, I stopped listening to music when queen Latifah started hosting talk shows. I just couldn’t take the betrayal.
Kristen: Do you think it would like it? Because I’m pansexual.
Kenan: Pansexual? What’s that, like you like having sex around pants?
Ego: So you like to have sex at breakfast?
Kenan: Oh, [Cut to Kenan and Ego] that’s never going to work for me, I can’t just wake up and do it like that. I got to have my long pee first.
Ego: Baby, you are in there for a while. You are in there for a while.[Cut to Kristen]
Kristen: I don’t think you guys understand what pansexual means.[Cut to Kenan and Ego]
Kenan: Oh, I definitely don’t. But I’m about to enjoy these pan fried crabcakes. We bout to dip some crabs![Cut to Kristen]
Kristen: Hey, let me be blunt. I want to explore tonight.[Cut to Kenan and Ego]
Kristen: With someone here.[Cut to Kenan and Ego]
Kenan: Well, whoever that’s going to be, I’m sure they’re going to enjoy it. Go have fun.[Cut to Kristen, Kenan and Ego]
Ego: God bless and good luck.
Kenan: We goin’ dip some crabs.
Kristen: Okay.[Kristen leaves]
Kenan: You know, I think something’s going on with that young lady.
Ego: She wanted some of your crabcakes is what it was.
Kenan: All she had to do was ask.
Kristen: Hey, hey! [Cut to Kristen dancing in the dancefloor] Do you like this?[Cut to Kenan and Ego]
Ego: Very nice. Very nice.[Cut to Kristen, Kenan and Ego]
Kristen: Like, I can just keep doing this.
Ego: Yes, that’s good.
Kristen: All right! o this.[Cut to Kenan and Ego]
Kenan: You know what? I pulled a hamstring doing a shuffle at my nephew’s wedding.[Cut to Kristen, Kenan and Ego]
Kristen: So, do you like it?
Kenan: You’re very, very talented.
Ego: That’s wonderful.
Kenan: You know what? Let me give you my business card. Yeah, my nephew just started a record label, Jive Ass Records. He might need somebody for the video.
Kristen: Thank you.[Cut to Kristen] Like, this is going to work out for me. Have a good night guys. [Cut to Kenan and Ego]
Kenan: Well, nice to meet you. We going to collect that little pig boy and head out of here.
Ego: Where he at? Pig boy?[Pig boy come in. He is an Asian stripper who is wearing leather tight outfit.]
Pig Boy: Yes, mam.
Kenan: Oh, yeah. You’re a dirty little pig, ain’t you?
Pig Boy: Yes sir, and filthy.
Ego: You so hot, we like that.
Kenan: Yeah, we going to make you filthier.
Ego: We’re about to have sex with our little pig boy. Squeal, pig boy.