Adam Sandler’s “I Was Fired” Monologue | Season 44 Episode 19

Adam Sandler

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Sandler.

[Cheers and applause] [The band is playing music] [Adam Sandler gets in the door and walks to the stage]

Adam Sandler: Thank you, very much. I appreciate it. Thank you, guys. I love you. I really appreciate that. Thanks so much. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’m back at Saturday Night Live after all this time. It’s been a tremendous week. I love seeing old friends here, and making lots of new friends with the writers and the cast here. It’s great to be around their youthful energy. I was 23 years old when I started here. David Spade and Rob Schneider were 25 years old, and Norm McDonald was maybe 60 years old. I don’t know. I never asked him. Only he knows. But I had some of the best years of my life here. And I actually lost my virginity to a woman here in this very studio.

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you. I don’t kiss and tell, but it was here church lady. She said I was special. My wife and kids are here tonight.

[Cheers and applause]

I always tell them how SNL was the greatest time in my life and my daughter asked me, “If it was the greatest dad, then why did you ever leave?” Well, honey, there’s a reason.

[Music starts playing] [Adam takes a mic]

I was fired. I was fired.
I got fired so sad to tell
Well, I never saw it coming
I got fired from SNL

between seasons I heard a nasty rumor
that I was getting the sack
I tried to call Lauren Michael
But he never called me back

[Cheers and applause]

I’m joking, I’m joking. He called, he called.

I guess NBC has enough of crazy spoon head
and the songs I sang on the news
maybe they were sick of canteen boy
but I think they just hate the Jews

[Cheers and applause]

I was fired, not rehired,
well, it made me sad and blue
I told my boy Chris Farley I got fired
and he said “Same man, they fired my ass too”

[Cheers and applause]

Chris Rock is here.

[Chris Rock joins the stage] [Cheers and applause]

Hey, buddy. I love you.

Chris Rock: Hey man, how’s it going?

Adam Sandler: We were on this show together, right?

Chris Rock: Yeah, yeah. Same time. We got hired the same day.

Adam Sandler: That’s right. Now, why did you leave the show? I don’t understand.

Chris Rock: Why did I leave the show? Well, Adam—

I got fired,[laughter] I was fired
I was fired by NBC
Then I went on Living Color
3 weeks later they took it off TV

Adam Sandler: It’s okay. You hang in there. All right? You keep going after your dream.

Chris Rock: Thank you.

[Chris Rock leaves the stage]

Adam Sandler: Hey man, what’s up?

[Pete Davidson joins the stage]

Pete Davidson: How you doing?

Adam Sandler: Hey, how you doing pal?

Pete Davidson: I was fired, I was fired, I was fired-

Adam Sandler: Hey, hang on! Pete, you weren’t fired.

Pete Davidson: I wasn’t? How’s that even possible?

Adam Sandler: I don’t know man, but be patient ‘cause it’s coming soon. I love you.

[Pete leaves the stage]

Well it broke my heart to pieces
cause SNL was my home
where could I do my silly voices now
I never felt so alone

I was fired, I was fired
NBC said that I was done
then I made over $4 billion at the box office
so I guess you could say I won

[Cheers and applause]

So I was fired
but tonight I’m rehired
and I’m the happiest man alive
‘cause it feels so good to be back with you here tonight
where it all began for me
right here on Saturday Night Live

We got a great show. Shawn Mendes is here. Stick around. We’ll be right back.

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