Mikey Day
Heidi Gardner
Kate McKinnon
James McAvoy
Kenan Thompson
Beck Bennett
[Starts with a video clip of a flying airplane] [Cut to Mikey Day and Heidi Gardner in cockpit]Mikey Day: Oh god, I don’t know what I’m doing, I can’t fly this plane.
Heidi Gardner: I’ll go see if the pilot is conscious. [Heidi leaves the cockpit]
Mikey Day: Okay. Try to get someone on the radio. Hello, hello. May day. May day.
Kate McKinnon: Hello.
Mikey Day: Yes, hello.
[Cut to Kate McKinnon in air traffic control room]Kate McKinnon: Yes, this is Glasgow Air Traffic Control. Are you in distress?
[Cut to Mikey Day]Mikey Day: Yes. I’m not a pilot. I am part of Klie Jenner’s brand integration team. We’re on a private jet going to London for Kylie event. We hit bad turbulence and our pilot got knocked unconscious. But Kylie’s not on board. Thank god.
[Cut to Kate Mckinnon]Kate McKinnon:I don’t know who that is, but it shounds like you’re going to have to land that plane. I’ll put you in very good hands. This man is the best, he’ll get you down. Just do exactly as he says.
[Cut to Mikey Day]Mikey Day: Okay. I’m ready.
[Cut to James McAvoy in air traffic control room]James McAvoy: All right. [James McAvoy speaks with heavy accent that it’s hard to understand] I know you’re coming off walley up there. I’m going to have to skating faster than –- okay?
Mikey Day: What?
[Cut to James McAvoy]James McAvoy: I’m going to get you down, but here’s what I need you to do first. Okay. Deep breath.
[Cut to Mikey Day]Mikey Day: What?
[Cut to James McAvoy]James McAvoy: I just want you to take a deep breath. In, out, in, out.
[Cut to Mikey Day. Heidi Gardner is in the cockpit again.]Mikey Day: What?
Heidi Gardner: What did he say?
Mikey Day: Deep breath. Right? And you need to stay calm?
[Cut to Mikey Day and Heidi Gardner]Heidi Gardner: What are they saying?
Mikey Day: He says I need a stakub?
Heidi Gardner: Okay, maybe there’s one in the cabin.[Heidi leaves] [Cut to James McAvoy]
James McAvoy: Listen to me very carefully. On the wee panel of switches in front of you, there’s a —size of a — What do you call it? [Cut to James McAvoy and Kate McKinnon] American cookie?
Kate McKinnon: Oreo cookie.
James McAvoy: Oreo? No, Keebler. All right. There’s a thing of a size of an Oreo cookie. I thought it was a Keebler. What’s to do that —
[Cut to Mikey Day]Mikey Day: Say again?
[Cut to James McAvoy]James McAvoy: The brown — that looks like an Oreo cookie? Where’s it coming ?
[Cut to Mikey Day]Mikey Day: I got broom doo-da.
[Cut to James McAvoy]James McAvoy: No, the color. Brown.
Mikey Day: Oh, brown.
[Cut to James McAvoy]James McAvoy: What’s the brown dooda coming in at?
[Cut to Mikey Day]Mikey Day: I’m so sorry your accent is very thick. Is it possible to not have it? Over? [Heidi Gardner and Kenan Thompson enter the cockpit] Theyr’e speaking Scottish. And it’s very hard .
[Kenan sits on co-pilot’s seat]Kenan Thompson: All right. Let me handle this. I spent some time in Scotland so my ears are favorable to Scottish accent. This is Kylie’s branding director, let’s do this.
[Cut to James McAvoy]James McAvoy: Good. Two is better than one. Tell me if you can –– goggles.
Kenan Thompson: Nope. [Kenan stands and tries to leave]
Mikey Day: I need you. [Mikey doesn’t let Kenan go]
Kenan Thompson: Fine. Please tell me what I need to do.
[Cut to James McAvoy and Kate McKinnon]James McAvoy: You try.
Kate McKinnon: All right. Can you look out the window.
[Cut to Kenan Thompson and Mikey Day]Kenan Thompson: Did I eat at Wendy’s? Never.
[Cut to James McAvoy and Kate McKinnon]Kate McKinnon: No, no. Out the window.
[Cut to Kenan Thompson and Mikey Day]Kenan Thompson: All right, fine, I had Wendy’s last week. But don’t tell Kylie.
[Cut to James McAvoy]James McAvoy: Let’s sit back man! We’re only going to get crack at this once. There’s a wee Jack on the dash. Can wee talk.
[Cut to Kenan Thompson and Mikey Day]Kenan Thompson: No. [Kenan leaves] [Cut to James McAvoy]
James McAvoy: Oh, no. Oh, no. In the name of the wee man. Radar’s got you leaving Scottish Airspace. The connection is going crunchier than a bag of smashed chips.
[Cut to James McAvoy and Kate McKinnon]Kate McKinnon: Okay. We’re going to have to patch you over to Welsh Air Traffic Control. God speed to you guys.
[Cut to Mikey Day] [Heidi joins Mikey]Heidi Gardner: What’s happening?
Mikey Day: I don’t know. I think we’re on our own.
Beck Bennett: Hello? Go for Wales Air Traffic Control.
Mikey Day: Maybe not. Good to hear your voice, Wales.
[Cut to Beck Bennett at his air traffic control room[Beck Bennett: [Speaking foreign language]
Mikey Day: What?
Heidi Gardner: Just aim for water.
[Ends with video clip of flying airplane]