Chance the Rapper Monologue


Chance the Rapper

Kyle Mooney

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Band is playing music on the stage]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Change the Rapper.

[Chance the Rapper enters the door and walks to the stage] [Cheers and applause]

Chance the Rapper: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I’m Chance the Rapper and it is so great to be back here at SNL. If you don’t remember the last time I was here, I gave $1 million to Chicago public schools. [Cheers and applause] And I’m happy to say, it completely fixed everything. No, honestly, to the teachers in Chicago, I know you guys are on strike right now, I fully support you. [Cheers and applause] I just wish that when I was in school, my teachers had gone on a strike. Like, for real, though. But it’s great to be back and to honor my hometown, I’m going to do a song about Chicago, the second city.

[Music playing]

Okay, okay, here we go.

Now, I love Chicago, the city that fathered me,
called the second city, but that doesn’t bother me
I’ve gotta tell you I think it’s the reverse
‘cos sometimes the second best is better than the first
sometimes the second best is better than the first
Like, I don’t like Google, I use Bing
I like French fries from Burger King
when it comes to Harry Potter people give me grief
because I prefer Percy Jackson lightning thief
I only drink Pepsi never Coca-cola
Jimmy Kimmel is fine but I love Adam Corolla
and Robin Gibb is my favorite bee gee
I hate Mario, love Luigi
because I’m the kind of guy that likes the second best better
I’m the kind of guy that likes the second best one
I like DMC better than RUN
‘cos I’m  the kind of guy that likes the second best one

[Kyle Mooney walks in]

Hey, Kyle Mooney!

[Cheers and applause]

Kyle Mooney: Hey, Chance. I was just listening to your song and I can totally relate. You see, I’m from San Diego, sort of the second city of southern California.

Chance the Rapper: Do people call it that?

Kyle Mooney: They do, yeah, all the time.

Chance the Rapper: Because I’ve never heard anyone call it that.

Kyle Mooney: Well, they do, okay? Now, let me rap.

Chance the Rapper: Okay.

Kyle Mooney: Here we go. Kyle Mooney rapping.

Now me and Chance we live that thug life
because we like antz more than bug’s life

Chance the Rapper: Sense and sensibility was better than pride and prejudice
never had Nintendo but I rocked a Sega Genesis

Kyle Mooney: You know I like Scrappy more than Scooby-Doo.
I don’t like Chili’s but I love Chili’s too

Chance the Rapper: I like the clippers the nets and my white SOX
I don’t have Netflix, I like Redbox

Kyle Mooney: I use DHL for my overnight shipping

Chance the Rapper: My favorite bulls player is Scottie Pippin

Kyle Mooney: I like Hanukkahs better than Christmases

I don’t love Islands but I love Isthumuses

Chance the Rapper: What’s an Isthmuse?

Kyle Mooney: It’s a narrow strip of land connecting two bigger pieces of lands.

Chance the Rapper: And that’s second best to islands?

Kyle Mooney: For the purposes of the song. Yes, just keep going, okay?

Chance the Rapper: Okay.

Instead of Starbucks you know what I do
I go to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf or Caribou

Kyle Mooney: Lunchtime I don’t have to think it over
I skip Chipotle and head to QDOBA

Chance the Rapper: Some people like Mace more than Puffy
I like the show Angel better than Buffy

Kyle Mooney: My favorite show about  90’s teens
wasn’t Saved by the Bell it was California Dream

I was wondering, do you think I could be on your next album?

Chance the Rapper: No.

Kyle Mooney: That made sense, all right. Take it away.

[Kyle Mooney leaves the stage]

Chance the Rapper: Okay. Here we go. Big-time.

Yeah, I’m the kind of guy that likes the second best best.

I think Chicago is better than the rest

I take seconds at dinner and second glances

I believe in second chances

I love my wife and my family is true

A month ago we welcomed daughter number two

Now I’m in New York, it’s great to be alive

I’m back for the second time hosting “Saturday Night Live”.

We got a great show for you tonight. I am here so stick around and we’ll be right back!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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