Nathan… Mikey Day
Kate McKinnon[Starts with families shopping]
Narrator: The holidays are here. So head to Macy’s for unbeatable deals on a winter wardrobe for the whole family. Men’s blazers starting at $49.99. Kashmir tops for her from $79.99. And for your little ones, Macy’s have the festive fashion that’ll have them saying—[Cut to a kid]
Kid: It’s too hot![Cut to another kid]
Kid: It itches!
Narrator: It is the season for wrestling your wiggly little monster into thick winter clothes. So, all month long, we’re taking 25% off boys merino wool sweaters that won’t fit over his head.[Cut to Nathan putting the sweater on his kid]
Nathan: If you stop squirming, it would be on already.
Narrator: And 40% off cozy corduroys that’ll pinch his little nuts.[Cut to Ego and Chris with their kid.]
Ego: Can’t he just wear his jeans?
Chris: [yelling] You don’t wear jeans to church.
Narrator: And for your little girl, it’s half off all hard, shiny shoes that hurt.
Kid: Ow! These shoes hurt.
Kate: Welcome to being a woman, Kylie.
Narrator: And 30% off all holiday rompers she’ll never get off in time.[Cut to Heidi drying her kid’s romper with hair dryer]
Kid: It’s wet!
Heidi: Okay, you have to tell mommy when you have to go.
Narrator: The weather outside may be frightful, but at Macy’s, we’ve got kids jackets so big and thick, [Kenan struggling to put his kid to the car seat] they won’t fit in their car seat anymore.
Kenan: Here we go. You didn’t hear that, buddy.
Narrator: And save an extra 10% on snow boots that are so hard to put on, it’ll strain your marriage.[Cut to Nathan and Heidi trying to put a shoe on their daughter’s feet.]
Heidi: You need to put your foot in sideways and then twist it.
Nathan: [yelling] Well, if you can do it, then do it.
Narrator: And deals so hot, even forsty—
Heidi: You need to learn, Nathan.
Nathan: [talking to his daughter] Daddy’s a dumb ass.
Narrator: And deals so hot—[Cut to Nathan and Heidi trying to put a shoe on their daughter’s feet.]
Heidi: okay, well, if this is gonna be your attitude, maybe we should tell my mom we’re not coming.
Narrator: And deals so—
Nathan: Oh, no, and miss your brother getting drunk and asking to borrow money? Whatever will I do?
Narrator: And for your new arrivals, we’ve got precious winter onesies with so many tiny buttons and snaps, you’ll let your baby sit in a loaded diaper for hours just to avoid putting it back on. Plus, every day savings on mittens they’ll lost, shirts with the wrong ‘Frozen’ princess, sweaters that make them hot, flannel that’s make them hot, scarves that make them hot— [Kenan opens the scarf of a kid, but realizes it’s not his kid]
Kenan: [shocked] Where is my kid? Marcus!
Narrator: And button downs with sharp, scratchy tags in the back that’ll have them bitching all season long. Look, we know it’s awful for them and for you. But one day, they’ll be too old to wear cute little clothes like this and you’ll miss it. So, suck it up and get down to Macy’s.[Cut to Nathan’s family picture]
Narrator: The clothes they’ll hate creates the memories you’ll love.