Evelyn McIntosh… Aidy Bryant
Diana Krill… Kate McKinnon
Pete Davidson
Chris Redd
Chance the Rapper
[Starts with Dazzle Design Choir Attire intro]
[Choir singers singing]
[Cut to Evelyn McIntosh and Diana Krill]
Evelyn McIntosh: Hi, I’m Evelyn McIntosh.
Diana Krill: And I’m Diana Krill.
Evelyn McIntosh: And we’re the proud owners of Dazzle Designs.
Diana Krill: Your premiere source for show choir attire. As directors of a team show choir, we wear many hats. Director, pianist, coming out sounding board and fashion designer.
Evelyn McIntosh: When your group of 60 teens is standing on risers for six hours in the basketorium, they should look exactly as good as they sound.
Diana Krill: Whether you’re doing a Messiah or an ill-advised African tune. We’ve got you covered.
[Music starts playing]
[Both singing choir]
Evelyn McIntosh: Well, let’s take a look at some of our designs. [A picture of a model with a dress appears on the left side] This cool team dress has an air of elegance, best described as Amish Bat Mitzvah.
Diana Krill: Guaranteed to have your teen daughter looking like the fiancée of an important Nazi.
[Both singing choir]
Both: Moon river.
Diana Krill: Here to help model our menswear look are the most talented and only boys in our choir, the Trevors.
[Cut to the Trevors]
Everyone: Hi!
Pete Davidson: I’m a bass.
Chris Redd: I’m a tenor.
Chance the Rapper: And I’m a bully.
[Cut to Evelyn McIntosh and Diana Krill]
Evelyn McIntosh: Oh, boys, you’re perfect. Now, show them what you’re wearing.
[Cut to the Trevors]
Pete Davidson: Look like you’re going to a prom, where the theme is virginity.
Chance the Rapper: Rent them pre-stinky from school and pair them with your dead uncle’s dress shoes.
Chris Redd: The buttons let you know it’s Velcro!
Chance the Rapper: They’re made for dancing, and by dancing, I mean a terrified this. [All three of them showing a nervous dance step]
[Cut to Evelyn McIntosh and Diana Krill]
Evelyn McIntosh: Now, let’s see some daring ensembles.
[A picture of two models wearing matching clothes at the left side]
Children are gift. Put them in a bag. Wide shoulder, everybody boat neck.
Diana Krill: As a choir director, you’ll love how the shinyness of these outfits distracts the audience from your dancing.
[The picture chances to am model wearing a black dress and a hat.]
Evelyn McIntosh: Now, this is a spunky look because of the sexual hat. And a skirt that lands at the widest part of every girl’s leg.
Diana Krill: Can’t you picture her singing modern hit from the radio?
[Music playing]
Both: I don’t want a place to stay [laughing]
Make my day Make my day
Evelyn McIntosh: All right, let’s see our final and best look on boys.
[Cut to the Trevors]
Chris Redd: Complement your four-part harmonies with a 22-piece tuxedo ensemble.
Chance the Rapper: Complete with pockets, buttons, and no rear vent. Those farts are coming out of your mouth.
Pete Davidson: We got these from a magician supply warehouse, so some of the pockets still have a dead doves in them.
[Cut to Evelyn McIntosh and Diana Krill]
Evelyn McIntosh: Want to know more? Visit our website, print it out. Fax the printout to our son. He’ll mail you a phone number which is a website.
Diana Krill: We accept all major credit cards, Visa, Disney and Kohl’s.
Evelyn McIntosh: So dazzle today!
[The Trevors join them]
[Music starts playing and every is singing]
[Ends with Dazzle Designs outro]
