Cut for Time ’80s Drug PSA


Chris Redd

Mikey Day

Tommy… Kyle Mooney

Grieg… Chance the Rapper

Darnell… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with a disclaimer]

Announcer: The following has been paid for the Queen City Department of Education.

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy in the alley]

Chris Redd: That was a fun basketball game.

Mikey Day: Yeah! So awesome. So, what do we do now?

Tommy: Hey, you guys wanna get high?

Chris Redd: You mean, smoke marijuana?

Tommy: Nope, even better. It’s called crack cocaine.

Mikey Day: Awesome!

Chris Redd: I’ll try some.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Grieg: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You’re wrong little dudes. I know you kids ain’t thinking about doing cocaine.

Darnell: Yeah, man! That stuff is wiggady-whack!

[Cut to everybody]

Tommy: Whoa! Who are you guys?

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Both: The sober brothers!

Darnell: In full effect!

Grieg: And when we were your age we used to do cocaine.

Darnell: Word up!

Grieg: You kids don’t want to get mixed up with that junk.

Darnell: Yeah, man! ‘Cos it’s crazy dangerous and it’s expensive.

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Tommy: Yeah, but this is crack cocaine. It’s new and really cheap.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Grieg: But it’s still bad for you kids.

Darnell: How cheap?

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Tommy: I don’t know. Pretty cheap, like, um, five bucks a rock.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Darnell: Wow, man! That’s pretty damn cheap. It’s probably weak though, right?

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Tommy: It’s actually way stronger than regular cocaine.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Darnell: Oh, snap! That’s impossible, right Grieg?

Grieg: Ay, it doesn’t matter. You kids still shouldn’t mess with that crap.

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Chris Redd: But everybody’s doing it.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Darnell: And where they at?

Grieg: Ay, but check this out. You don’t want to be a follower.

Darnell: What? In a park way over there with that long line?

Grieg: If everybody jumped off a bridge, would you?

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Chris Redd: I guess not.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Grieg: And that’s why you shouldn’t do crack.

Darnell: Look at that. The cops are just letting it happen too.

Grieg: Ay, come on, man!

Darnell: Oh, right! Sorry. Besides, kids, cocaine will ruin your nose just like it did mine.

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Tommy: But it doesn’t go in your nose. You smoke it with a pipe.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Darnell: And what does it taste like?

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Tommy: Actually it tastes pretty gross.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Grieg: Exactly! It’s gross because it’s bad for you.

Darnell: How gross is it though? I mean, like, does it taste like bugs? Because, I’ve eaten bugs.

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Tommy: Whatever old man. I’m gonna smoke crack. Who’s with me?

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Darnell: Me!

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Mikey Day: I don’t know, Tommy. Maybe these guys are right.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Darnell: But, maybe we wrong.

Grieg: Darnell! What are you doing man?

Darnell: Man, are you hearing this? This is everything we dreamed of, man! We can get higher, faster for cheaper. And you just want to walk away?

Grieg: But we don’t do that anymore.

Darnell: Because it costs too much. And now, it doesn’t.

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Tommy: Fine, I’m going to go throw this crack in the trash.

Mikey Day: Yeah!

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Grieg: That’s good thinking little man.

Darnell: Yeah, which can?

[Cut to Chris Redd, Mikey Day and Tommy]

Tommy: Thank you sober brothers.

Chris Redd: You saved our lives.

[Cut to Grieg and Darnell]

Grieg: No need to thank us.

Darnell: Yeah, man! Just tell us which can you’re going to throw the crack in.

Grieg: And always remember, [Cut to everybody] when it comes to doing drugs–

Everybody: Just say, “No!”

Darnell: Let me toss it away for you.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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