Aidy Bryant
Cecily Strong
Kate McKinnon
Beck Bennett
Kyle Mooney
Bowen Yang
Eddie Murphy
Michael Che
[Starts with three colleagues conversing]Aidy Bryant: It’s so cool that Lizzo was on the show this week.
Cecily Strong: I know, she’s so confident.
Kate McKinnon: She embraces her raw sexual power.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: We can do that?
[Cut to Cecily Strong and Kate McKinnon]Kate McKinnon: Well, yeah! Lizzo does it because she knows she’s a Aidy Bryant00% that bitch.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: Yeah! Why can’t I be Aidy Bryant00% that bitch?
[Cut to Cecily Strong and Kate McKinnon]Cecily Strong: Aidy! You are.
Kate McKinnon: Ah! You just got to know it like Lizzo does.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: Yeah!
[Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney walks in]Beck Bennett: Oh! You guys talking about Lizzo again? Why can’t we just talk about Rock N’ Roll?
Kyle Mooney: Be cool man!
[Cut to Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney]Aidy, I like your jacket.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: [flips her hair] Oh! You like this?
Kyle Mooney: Yeah! It’s cool. You look good.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant] [music playing]Aidy Bryant: [flips her hair again] Yes, I damn do! And I can see that you want to taste, don’t you, bitch?
[Cut to Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney]Kyle Mooney: Hah?
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: Coz’ you know it’s edible, it’s incredible, and you want to dip your whole damn chip in it.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant, Cecily Strong and Kate McKinnon]Kate McKinnon: Aidy, I–
Aidy Bryant: Shh! Be aware. I ain’t no snack at all. In fact baby, I’m the whole damn meal.
[Cut to and Kate McKinnon]Cecily Strong: Aidy! Are you feeling okay?
[Cut to Aidy Bryant, Cecily Strong and Kate McKinnon]Aidy Bryant: Oh, I’m feeling good as hell. Excuse me! [Walks out] [Cut to Aidy Bizzo video bumper] [Cut to Aidy Bryant in the changing room with Bowen Yang.]
Aidy Bryant: I can’t believe we’re doing this show with Eddie freakin’ Murphy hosting. I’m like, so nervous.
[Cut to Bowen Yang]Bowen Yang: You’re nervous? This is my only first season. At least he knows who you are.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: I don’t think that he does.
Eddie Murphy: Hey man! The TV in my dressing room is showing like, snow on all the paid channels.
Bowen Yang: Oh, Mr. Murphy! I’m not actually a maintenance man. It’s just my astronaut costume. But yeah, I can fix it.
[Eddie Murphy looks at Aidy Bryant]Eddie Murphy: Wait a minute, Aidy! I was just telling Lorne how much I love you in sketches.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant] Aidy Bryant: [flips her hair] Sketches? Bitch I got my own show on Hulu. [Cut to Eddie Murphy]Eddie Murphy: Say what?
Aidy Bryant: Well, I know you love this fat ass. It’s iconic.
[Cut to Bowen Yang]Bowen Yang: Aidy, you’re talking to a legend.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: [flips her hair again] Well, even legends go to church. So, you need to get to god and you need to thank him for my beautiful fat ass.
[Aidy Bryant walks away] [Cut to Eddie Murphy]Eddie Murphy: Um, god, I know it’s been a while. But I just want to say thank you for that ass.
[Cut to a video clip where Aidy Bryant posing to a song “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo.] [Cut to Aidy Bryant at the back stage]Michael Che: So, Aidy. I don’t know if you saw this new script, [Michael Che walks towards Aidy Bryant] but now your head explodes.
Aidy Bryant: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Uh-huh! [Aidy Bryant takes the script from Michael Che and throws it away] [Cut to Aidy Bryant]
Tell me though, when are you gonna let me smang it?
[Cut to Michael Che]Michael Che: Aidy, I don’t know what that means.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: It means I’m going to sit on your dick so hard that you die.
[Cut to Michael Che]Michael Che: Aidy, you’re married.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: Che, you know I don’t play tag, because I’ve been in it. So, why don’t you take my number and you can go ahead and consider those your last rides, because I’m about to destroy your thing to death. Okay?
[Cut to Michael Che]Michael Che: Okay!
[Cut to Aidy Bryant and Michael Che]Aidy Bryant: Okay, by bitch.
[Aidy goes away on director’s seat] [Cut to a video clip where Aidy Bryant posing to a song “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo.] [Cut to Aidy Bryant twerking on her colleague’s desk.]Heidy Gardner: Oh, wow! [Cut to Chloe Fineman and Heidy Gardner] She is really going hard.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant twerking] [Cut to Chloe Fineman and Heidy Gardner]I guess Aidy is still Lizzo-ing, huh?
Chloe Fineman: I wonder how Lizzo feels about it.
[Cut to Lizzo laughing]Aidy Bryant: Can I be honest about something?
Lizzo: Please bitch, you must.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: Sometimes it’s really hard to have an earth shatteringly gorgeous ass. And I smanged Michael to death with it.
[Cut to Lizzo]Lizzo: May he smang in peace.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: Do you ever feel like you’re only 90% that bitch?
[Cut to Lizzo]Lizzo: No. But maybe you’re burning the ass of both ins.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant]Aidy Bryant: Yes, totally. Is it me or are we best friends?
[Cut to Lizzo]Lizzo: Yeah! I mean I’m definitely your best friend. And, that’s great for you.
Aidy Bryant: Oh yeah, totally. [Cut to Aidy Bryant] So, I’ll leave you alone.
Lizzo: Yeah!
Aidy Bryant: Thank you so much. Bye.
[Cut to Lizzo]Lizzo: Bye bitch!
[Cut to Aidy Bryant outside]Aidy Bryant: Lizzo and Aidy, best friends!
