Cut for Time: Date in Mexico

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Chris Redd

Cecily Strong

Rosco… Will Farrell

Waiter… Bowen Yang

Waitress… Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with a sea beach villa’s clip]

Chris: Honey, this has been a really special vacation. Thank you.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily having drinks at the restaurant]

Cecily: Aw, thanks. Not everyday my man graduates veterinarian school.

Chris: Well, I didn’t graduate. I’m just not going anymore.

Cecily: Still, something to celebrate.

[Waiters walks in with two drinks]

Waiter: Two Cocolatus.

Cecily: Oh, we didn’t order these.

Waiter: Compliments of the gentleman over there.

[Rosco is sitting alone at the next table]

Rosco: How are you folks this evening?

Cecily: Great, thank you. How are you?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: I couldn’t be any freaking better. Woo, I’m in love.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Chris: Oh, that’s great.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: Yeah, she’s gonna meet me. Her name is Subina. She’s from Moldova.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Oh, cool. How did you meet?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: On a website, where you look for Moldavian women. I sent her flowers, it cost $800.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Wow, you must be well off.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: Well, I do what I can. It’s worth it when you’re in love. Like this trip to Mexico.

[A waitress walks in with a hugs lobster]

Waitress: Lobster for two.

Rosco: Yes, that’s for me and Subina. She’s my girlfriend from Moldova. And she’s meeting me here in Mexico.

Waitress: Oh, that’s great.

Rosco: Yeah, we’re in love. And that’s why I bought her a plane ticket from Moldova to Mexico to meet me. And I bought the lobster and caviar for dinner for two. It’s prepaid.

Waiter: Yeah, I saw that.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Well, she’s a very lucky lady.

Chris: Is she still up in the room, or?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: She’s coming from Moldova. She should be here any minute. It’s the first time we’ve ever met in person.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Oh! Hah!

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: You wanna see a picture of Subina?

[Cut to everybody]

Chris: Oh, sure.

[Rosco showing them her picture on his phone]

Rosco: What do you think? She’s beautiful, right?

Cecily: Well, lot of make up.

Chris: Very pretty.

Cecily: Never seen a phone screen that cracked!

Rosco: You wanna see one of just the bod?

Cecily: Oh, no.

Rosco: Check that out! Right? Right? This guy knows what I’m talking about. My mom says I make bad choices. Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, right!

Cecily: Well, thanks for the drinks.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: I’m in love, woo! [phone ringing] Oh, that’s Subina now. [talking on the phone] Hi, baby. What? What do you mean, baby? What are you saying? So, you’re not coming? Where are you now? Moldova? Well, I can buy you a new ticket. Baby! Baby! Ba-baby! Baby, no wait. Baby, don’t. Wait. [He looks at the phone and drops it on the table.] [Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Are you okay?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: No, I’m not okay. I need a minute.

[Rosco walks out] [Rosco screaming in anger] [Rosco walks back]

Waitress: Is everything okay, sir?

[Cut to Rosco and waitress]

Rosco: Subina dumped me. My credit card bounced on her ticket and she dumped me.

Waitress: Oh, I’m so sorry. That’s really tough. So, do you still want the caviar service?

Rosco: Yeah, I paid for it.

Waitress: Well, I’m really sorry.

[Waitress walks away]

Rosco: I’m not well off.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: What’s that?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: You said earlier I must be well off. I’m not. I’m a shoe shiner. And I wash feet at a salon.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Chris: Oh! Okay.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: I can’t even pay for this stupid lobster I’m eating. I borrowed the money from my mom to pay for this trip. And now Subina’s [eats the lobster] not even coming. Filth!

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Oh, you’re not supposed to eat the shell.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: I don’t know that. I’ve never had lobster before. [coughs] I’m allergic. [Roscotakes out a woven panties] You two should have these. I bought them for Subina but useless now.

Cecily: Sorry, what is this?

Rosco: Candy panties for Subina, because she sweep like candy. And she wears panties.

[Cut to Chris]

Chris: I think we’re good.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: Then don’t think them of as panties. All right? Think of them as a regular dandy. I only wore them more than once.

[Cut to everybody]

Cecily: We’re only here for two nights, so.

[Cut to Rosco] Rosco: I’m gonna Facetime Subina, okay? And convince her to come to Mexico. [phone ringing]

Subina: Hello

Rosco: Subina, it’s me Rosco. I’m your baby, remember?

Subina: I don’t know. You’re not sending me money anymore.

Rosco: I can send money. If I send money now, will you come to Mexico?

Subina: I don’t know.

Unknown male voice: Baby, come back to bed.

Subina: I’m working.

Rosco: That’s her brother.

Subina: I have to go. Good bye Roger.

Rosco: It’s Rosco. And should I wait for you or– ?

[Waitress walks in]

Waitress: Your caviar sir.

Rosco: Oh! It’s just fish! Get it away from me!

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Well, you know what? I’m sure you’ll meet someone soon because you seem like a real catch.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: No, there’s only Subina. [phone beeping] Oh! It’s Lily Anna. Another Moldavian woman. She just Venmo requested me $1,000. I’m in love again.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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