Treece Hinderson… Kenan Thompson
Spincer Newcheris… Eddie Murphy
Brad Dates… Kyle Mooney
[Starts with three guys on stage performing music]
Treece Hinderson: Shoo boo boo doo boo, ooh.
[cheers and applause]
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hello Mohawk valley. So great to be invited back up state to the Pine River Lodge for the holiday jam. I’m Treece Hinderson, and we are the Treece Hinderson Trio.
[cheers and applause]
[Cut to Spincer Newcheris nodding his head.]
Spincer Newcheris: We putting the funk back in Mohawk
[Cut to Brad Dates]
Brad Dates: That’s right, baby!
[Cut to Treece Hinderson]
Treece Hinderson: That’s right. We have a very exciting line of music playing for you. And tonight marks the first night of Hanukkah.
[Cut to all the members]
Spincer Newcheris: The festival of lights.
Brad Dates: Love lights baby.
Treece Hinderson: Yes, we all do. [Cut to Treece Hinderson] Now, before we get started, could I get a pump of gorgons, just one small squirt of gorgon’s lotion. The air is very dry and my hands are trapped. Is there a gorgon’s? Anyone? Surely someone in the audience has some kind of emoluments. Anyone? It could be Burt’s Bees or Vaseline’s. No? Any Nivea? So no lotions? I’ve asked Treece Hinderson0 times and I’m treated to silence. Thank you very much. Let’s hit it.
[Cut to the band.]
[band starts playing music]
[Treece Hinderson is singing a song]
Treece Hinderson: Ladies and gentlemen, I would not be standing here without the incredible talent that you see behind me. Mr. Brad Dates on jazz clearing at. Brad, you’re Jewish, right?
[cut to Brad Dates]
Brad Dates: I’m a secular humanist treece. [starts playing his trumpet.]
[Cut to all three]
Treece Hinderson: Oh, got it. And, sitting in with us tonight, dear friend and great roommate, Mr. Spincer Newcheris. Are you Jewish?
[Cut to Spincer Newcheris]
Spincer Newcheris: Nah, man! My gem is uncut. [starts playing his instrument.] Oh, yeah! Ow!
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]
Treece Hinderson: Hang on, are you okay? Are you in pain?
Spincer Newcheris: What? No, I was just feeling the music Treece.
Treece Hinderson: Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you were feeling pain from that physical problem you’ve been having.
[Cut to Spincer Newcheris]
Spincer Newcheris: Oh, I don’t know if we’re going to talk about that right now. You know, the fans don’t want to hear about that, Treece.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]
Treece Hinderson: But, is it still going on? Have you seen a doctor?
Spincer Newcheris: I will when get some time, bro.
Treece Hinderson: What? I think the time is now. That should not be happening on a daily basis.
[Cut to Brad Dates]
Brad Dates: Boundaries, Treece. He doesn’t want to talk about it.
[Cut to all three]
Treece Hinderson: But this is his health.
Spincer Newcheris: Dammit, Treece. I’m a grown ass man.
Treece Hinderson: Well, blood shouldn’t be coming out of there ever!
[drums roll and band plays music]
[Treece Hinderson is singing]
Treece Hinderson: How is everybody tonight?
[Cut to the audience]
Heidi: Worried!
[Cut to Treece Hinderson]
Treece Hinderson: You’re a little bit worried. But don’t worry. We will light the menorah at midnight.
[Cut to the audience]
Mikey: Actually you light it at sundown but no, not that. We’re worried about Mr. Newcheris’ health issue.
Heidi: We’re imagining the worst.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]
Spincer Newcheris: Now see that, Treece? You started these damn rumors now.
Treece Hinderson: It is not a rumor. You were screaming in agony this morning in the bathroom.
[Cut to the audience]
Mikey: I mean, is it a kidney stone maybe?
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]
Treece Hinderson: We don’t know what it is because he won’t go to the doctor.
[Cut to Brad Dates]
Brad Dates: Treece, keep your eyes on your own paper, baby.
[Cut to all three]
Treece Hinderson: I could.
Spincer Newcheris: Ay! Treece! Drop it. [Cut to Spincer Newcheris] Unless you want me to tell them people about the bobby pins you wear up in your head.
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]
Treece Hinderson: Well, that’s just so I can achieve the proper curl. Hit it!
[Drums roll]
[Band playing music]
[Treece Hinderson is singing]
Treece Hinderson: [singing]
Hanukkah this, Hanukkah that
it’s getting cold out, put on your Hanukkah hat
[Cut to Treece Hinderson]
We hope everyone is enjoying the show. I’m not. Because of a friend’s stubbornness.]
[Cut to Spincer Newcheris]
Spincer Newcheris: Treece, I swear. [phone ringing] Hold on a second, I got a call. [speaking on the phone] Hello. This is Mr. Newcheris. Dr. Bevins? No, I’m fine. Why do you ask? Treece called you? He sent you a sample of what? A sample from who? From me? Well, how did you get that?
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]
Treece Hinderson: Oh, oh!
Spincer Newcheris: You told him to drain my what from my where? In the night?
Treece Hinderson: Well, it was not fun for me. I’m surprised that you didn’t wake up. I had to gather it. There was a huge amount.
[Cut to Spincer Newcheris]
Spincer Newcheris: Oh, god! Man, I ain’t never coming to see you again. You sent my room mate into my bedroom while I’m asleep to take some of my personal water?
[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]
Treece Hinderson: Ow!
[drums rolls]
[music playing]
[Treece Hinderson is singing]
Treece Hinderson: Now, what is your plan? What happens next.
Spincer Newcheris: Hold on a second. I’mma tell you in private, okay? Everything is fine. I don’t have it no more, baby. Why you putting that mic up on my face?
Treece Hinderson: Oh! Because I wanted to share your good news. So, what happened?
Spincer Newcheris: I passed it in my sleep.
Treece Hinderson: On my pull out bed?
Spincer Newcheris: Yeah! Stop worrying about it, okay?
Treece Hinderson: But my new coyuchi sheets!
Spincer Newcheris: What about your coyuchi sheets?
Treece Hinderson: Well, did you put them into soak?
Spincer Newcheris: No, I just put the bed back together.
Treece Hinderson: Oh! My baby blue coyuchi sheets!
Spincer Newcheris: Hell with coyuchi sheets.
[Cut to Brad Dates]
Brad Dates: Treece, you should be happy, he’s feeling better.
[Cut to all three]
Treece Hinderson: I’ll be happy when I get some new coyuchi sheets.
[drums roll]
[music playing]
[Treece Hinderson is singing]
Treece Hinderson: Thank you!
