David… Kenan Thompson
Ted… Beck Bennett
Bred… Paul Rudd[Starts with staffs of an office having a retirement party]
Melissa Villaseñor: But David’s been more than a boss to me. He’s been my best friend. To David.[Everybody raise their coffee cups]
Everybody: To David.
David: Oh guys! [Cut to David and Melissa] You guys are so kind. 50 years sure goes by fast. I mean, what can I say? I just love auto insurance. But it’s time I take it easy on old ticker. You know, doctor’s orders.[Cut to the staff]
Alex Moffat: Yes, we’ll visit you often pal.
Aidy Bryant: Yes, we’re not letting you go that easy.[Cut to David]
David: See, now I’m tearing up. Ah, I think that’s my clue to leave.[Cut to Chris]
Chris Redd: Well, hold on because I think Ted and Bred from IT put a little something together.[Cut to David and Melissa]
David: Oh, that’s so nice. I barely even know those guys. What is it, a slide show?
Melissa Villaseñor: We’ll see. Fellas?[Cut to everybody. There is a TV screen in front of everyone.] [The light dims. Music starts to play.] [Cut to the TV screen. It says “Thank you David”.” [The video is disturbed and another video plays.]
Ted: We interrupt this simulation for a very important message.
Bred: In the beginning god created man. And from millennium, man reign supreme over all of creation.[Cut to the staff.]
Speaker 8: What is this?[Cut to the video]
Ted: Until man creates a god in the form of computer.
Ted and Bred: Computer boy. Computer girl.
We all live in computer world.
Ted: D-D-D-Digital free way
Mommy told me to eat my greens
but now I’m grown up and I only computer
Bred: Computer! Daddy told me to brush my teeth
But now I’m grown up and instead I computer
Ted: Computer! I’m in love with my computer.
Bred: M-M-Mouse pad, baby.[Music stops] [Cut to the other staffs. They clap.] [Cut to David and Melissa. They are confused.]
David: Wow! Thank you. That means a lot.
Melissa Villaseñor: Sorry guys, I’m a little confused.[Cut to Ted and Bred]
Bred: Of course you are. You live in a digital age where computers are king.
Chris Redd: No, it’s just tonight’s about David and you were supposed to make slides.
Aidy Bryant: Yes, not form a computer focused full wave band.[Cut to Ted and Bred]
Ted: Oh, foolish human. If you had just once bothered to engage us in conversation–
Bred: You would know we are not just IT guys, but we have always been–
Ted and Bred: The Electric Computers.
Ted: Me Professor Professor, and he, Mr. Microchip.[Cut to Chris]
Chris Redd: Yeah, I’m not calling you that Ted.[Cut to David]
David: Well, thank you for the music boys. I think I’m going to head out.[Cut to Ted and Bred]
Ted: No, no, David stay. We did actually write a song for you.[Cut to David]
David: Really? For me?[Cut to Ted and Bred]
Bred: Affirmative. 2, 3, 4.[Music starts playing]
Bred: The year is 2031. Mankind as we know is enslaved. Humans live only to serve their one true master. A master called–[Cut to Chris]
Chris Redd: He’s going to say computer, man![Cut to Ted and Bred]
Ted: I-I-I-I can feel it coming
Computer taking over
Bred: To become free, all mankind needs
is to rise up and destroy computer
There’s only one problem you see,
mankind kind of likes it[Cut to Chris]
Chris Redd: All right man![Cut to Ted and Bred]
Ted: I can feel it coming
I can feel it coming
I will make love to my computer
Thank you for 50 years of service David.[Music stops] [Cut to David] [Cut to Aidy and Alex]
Aidy Bryant: Okay, so again, no connection to David. I think you just tag that in the end because you felt bad.[Cut to Ted and Bred]
Bred: No. Wrong![Cut to Aidy and Alex]
Alex Moffat: And did you see you want to make love to a computer?[Cut to Ted and Bred]
Ted: Of course. Survival is essential.
Bred: Procreation with the computer is the only option for human.[Cut to Aidy]
Aidy Bryant: What are you talking about?[Cut to Melissa]
Melissa Villaseñor: Yes, see this is why we don’t talk to you guys.[Cut to Chris and Aidy]
Chris Redd: Yes, because apparently you want to have a baby with a computer.[Cut to Ted and Bred]
Bred: Ignore our words and you surely will perish.
Ted: For computers show no mercy.[Cut to Chris, Aidy and Alex]
Alex Moffat: Hey! Are you threatening us?[Cut to everybody]
David: All right, everybody, let’s just calm down all right?[David walks to Ted and Bred] [Cut to David, Ted and Bred]
I want to thank my friends The Electric Computers, okay? For giving me the best retirement gift of all. The truth. I always knew this was coming. It was since I saw that damn Tintendo. Now I know I’m not alone. [laughing] [Music starts to play]
Terabyte-Terabyte-take my flow
Wow-wow–[David starts to feel his heart attack] [Cut to the staffs]
Aidy Bryant: It’s probably the heart attack![Cut to Ted and Bred]
Ted: And so, it begins.[cut to the staffs]
Chris Redd: Get out! Get out of here!