Cut for Time Tampax Secrets


Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Aidy Bryant

Melissa Villaseñor

Chris Redd

Beck Bennett

[Starts with a scene in classroom] [Bell ringing]

Teacher: Okay, everyone. Settle in. I just wanted to cover a few things before we get started.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: Psst. Do you have a, you know, a tampon?

Aidy Bryant: Oh, heck yeah.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: No, not here. Someone will see.

Aidy Bryant: Relax, no one’s gonna know.

[Aidy gives Phoebe a piece of poop]

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: Is that a piece of dog poop?

Aidy Bryant: Open it.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: What do you mean open it?

Aidy Bryant: Just look inside.\

[Phoebe takes the poop and opens it]

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: There’s a tampon in here.

Aidy Bryant: Yeah. But they won’t know. They’ll just see the poop.

[Cut to Tampax commercial video]

Narrator: Introducing Tampax secrets. The only tampon hidden inside other things you’d rather take out of your bag in public.

[Cut to classroom]

Melissa Villaseñor: Hey, do you have a, you know?

Aidy Bryant: Sure do.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: Is that a dead mouse?

Aidy Bryant: I don’t know, open it.

Melissa Villaseñor: Okay. Wow, so discreet. Thanks girl.

Aidy Bryant: uh-huh.

[Cut to Tampax commercial video]

Narrator: Tampax secrets does all the hiding for you. With our wide variety of less embarrassing than a tampon designs. Like, brick of cocaine, baby doll, Tuna Melt From Subway, naked picture of your mom, respectfully folded confederate flag, truck nuts, handful of lose white dreads, extra strength activia, signed copy of mind comf, real bomb, human skull and a dead fish. [Cut to the classroom] So you can feel confident no matter who’s watching.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: Well, out flow is here. [In loud voice] Better take this piece of dog poop to the bathroom.

[Cut to Chris Redd confused] [Cut to Aidy Bryant]

Aidy Bryant: Yes, queen.

[Cut to Chris Redd and Beck Bennett]

Chris Redd: She was so confident.

Beck Bennett: I like that.

[Cut to the ladies]

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: Oh, I had a regular tampon in my bag all along.

[Phoebe Waller-Bridge takes the tampon out. It is blurred in the video.]

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: Wait, why is this blurred?

Narrator: Tampax secrets, ask your boyfriend to buy them.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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