Eddie Murphy Monologue

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Eddie Murphy

Tracy Morgan

Chris Rock

Dave Chappelle

Beck Bennett

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Eddie Murphy!

[band playing music] [Eddie Murphy walks to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Audience: Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!

Eddie Murphy: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. It’s great to be back here, finally hosting “Saturday Night Live” for Christmas. [cheers and applause] This is the last episode of 2019, if you’re black, it is the first episode since I left back in 1984. It has been really long time. Here’s actually a picture of me back when I started.

[Cut to old picture of Eddie Murphy] [Cut to Eddie Murphy on stage]

Wow, I look at least five years younger there. You know what they say, money don’t crack. But so much has changed. I just had a new baby incidentally about a year ago. [cheers and applause] I actually have 10 kids now. 11, if you count Kevin Hart. I’m teasing. I love Kevin Hart so much but my kids are my whole life now. And if you would have told me 30 years ago that I would be this boring stay at home, you know, father of 10 house dad and Bill Cosby would be in jail, I would have took that bet. “Who is America’s dad now?” I also have a movie on Netflix called “Dolomite Is My Name.” And we just finished a sequel to “Coming to America” as well. And if you’re wondering why I’ve been working so hard lately, it’s because 10 kids are very expensive.

[Tracy Morgan walks in]

Tracy Morgan: Yo!

Eddie Murphy: Tracy Morgan, ladies and gentlemen.

Tracy Morgan: Welcome home.

Eddie Murphy: Yeah! Its good to be here.

Tracy Morgan: You knew I wasn’t gonna miss this show for all the tea in Arizona. Did you get the sketch I wrote for you?

Eddie Murphy: Oh, yeah. The Jimmy Walker story.

Tracy Morgan: Yeah! It’s called Dy-no-mite Is My Name.

Eddie Murphy: Yeah. I don’t know if we’re going to do that, Dy-no-mite Is My Name.

Tracy Morgan: Well, whatever you need, I got your back. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here. Like, literally, I was conceived on the “Delirious” tour bus.

Eddie Murphy: You know, that math doesn’t really add up.

[Chris Rock walks in]

Chris Rock: He, hey, man.

[cheers and applause]

Eddie Murphy: Chris Rock, ladies and gentlemen. Chris Rock, what are you doing here?

Chris Rock: Common man, I would not miss this show for the world. My kids love Lizzo.

[audience laughing]

Eddie Murphy: Hey! My kids love Lizzo too.

Chris Rock: Okay but, did you get my sketch?

Eddie Murphy: Oh, yeah, that “Law and Order” UTI sketch?

Chris Rock: Yeah, yeah. Instead of ice tea, it’s cranberry juice.

Eddie Murphy: That sounds kind of nasty for a Christmas show.

[Dave Chapelle walks in]

Dave Chappelle: Hey, hey.

[cheers and applause]

Eddie Murphy: Dave Chapelle! Dave Chappelle’s ladies and gentlemen. What a moment. What a moment we’re having.

Dave Chappelle: Well, did you get my sketch?

Eddie Murphy: Oh, yeah!

Dave Chappelle: It’s the one where TI has the drive through gynecology clinic.

Eddie Murphy: I don’t get it.

Dave Chappelle: It’s stupid. He just says stuff like, “I will check your Hammond expeditiously.” You know, I followed your blue print for my entire career.

Eddie Murphy: Did you?

Dave Chappelle: Yeah, yeah. Became the biggest staron television. And then I quit.

Eddie Murphy: Oh, all right. [4 takes a cigarette out and lights it] Hey, I did not know you could smoke on stage.

Dave Chappelle: You can’t.

Eddie Murphy: Oh! See, this is why I came back to “Saturday Night Live,” for moments like this. When was the last time we was all together like this?

Chris Rock: Last Thursday at Sinbad’s house.

Dave Chappelle: Right, man. Oh, you’re looking at half of Netflix’s budget right here.

Chris Rock: Thanks, Netflix.

Eddie Murphy: Thanks, Netflix.

Tracy Morgan: Not me, not me. I made all my money on the road.

Eddie Murphy: You mean touring?

Tracy Morgan: No, I got hit by a truck.

Eddie Murphy: Okay. Well, I’m glad you’re all here to support me. And I appreciate it.

Dave Chappelle: That’s the least we can do, man.

Chris Rock: That’s right. I remember when I got hired, Lorne told me, “You’re gonna be the next Eddie Murphy.” And then a year later, he said, “No, you’re not.”

[Beck Bennett walks in]

Beck Bennett: You said it, Chris Rock. And just to piggy back–

[Kenan Thompson walks in and pushes Beck Bennett away]

Kenan Thompson: No, we’re good on that.

[cheers nd applause]Sorry about that fellas. Please continue.

Chris Rock: Who the hell was that?

Tracy Morgan: Joe Piscopo.

Eddie Murphy: Hey, we’ve got a great show for you tonight. Lizzo is here.

[cheers and applause]

I’m back. Don’t turn the channel. We’ll be right back.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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