Kenan Thompson[Starts with SNL monologue intro]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Eddie Murphy![band playing music] [Eddie Murphy walks to the stage] [cheers and applause]
Audience: Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!
Eddie Murphy: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. It’s great to be back here, finally hosting “Saturday Night Live” for Christmas. [cheers and applause] This is the last episode of 2019, if you’re black, it is the first episode since I left back in 1984. It has been really long time. Here’s actually a picture of me back when I started.
Wow, I look at least five years younger there. You know what they say, money don’t crack. But so much has changed. I just had a new baby incidentally about a year ago. [cheers and applause] I actually have 10 kids now. 11, if you count Kevin Hart. I’m teasing. I love Kevin Hart so much but my kids are my whole life now. And if you would have told me 30 years ago that I would be this boring stay at home, you know, father of 10 house dad and Bill Cosby would be in jail, I would have took that bet. “Who is America’s dad now?” I also have a movie on Netflix called “Dolomite Is My Name.” And we just finished a sequel to “Coming to America” as well. And if you’re wondering why I’ve been working so hard lately, it’s because 10 kids are very expensive.[Tracy Morgan walks in]
Tracy Morgan: Yo!
Eddie Murphy: Tracy Morgan, ladies and gentlemen.
Tracy Morgan: Welcome home.
Eddie Murphy: Yeah! Its good to be here.
Tracy Morgan: You knew I wasn’t gonna miss this show for all the tea in Arizona. Did you get the sketch I wrote for you?
Eddie Murphy: Oh, yeah. The Jimmy Walker story.
Tracy Morgan: Yeah! It’s called Dy-no-mite Is My Name.
Eddie Murphy: Yeah. I don’t know if we’re going to do that, Dy-no-mite Is My Name.
Tracy Morgan: Well, whatever you need, I got your back. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here. Like, literally, I was conceived on the “Delirious” tour bus.
Eddie Murphy: You know, that math doesn’t really add up.[Chris Rock walks in]
Chris Rock: He, hey, man.
Eddie Murphy: Chris Rock, ladies and gentlemen. Chris Rock, what are you doing here?
Chris Rock: Common man, I would not miss this show for the world. My kids love Lizzo.[audience laughing]
Eddie Murphy: Hey! My kids love Lizzo too.
Chris Rock: Okay but, did you get my sketch?
Eddie Murphy: Oh, yeah, that “Law and Order” UTI sketch?
Chris Rock: Yeah, yeah. Instead of ice tea, it’s cranberry juice.
Eddie Murphy: That sounds kind of nasty for a Christmas show.[Dave Chapelle walks in]
Dave Chappelle: Hey, hey.[cheers and applause]
Eddie Murphy: Dave Chapelle! Dave Chappelle’s ladies and gentlemen. What a moment. What a moment we’re having.
Dave Chappelle: Well, did you get my sketch?
Eddie Murphy: Oh, yeah!
Dave Chappelle: It’s the one where TI has the drive through gynecology clinic.
Eddie Murphy: I don’t get it.
Dave Chappelle: It’s stupid. He just says stuff like, “I will check your Hammond expeditiously.” You know, I followed your blue print for my entire career.
Eddie Murphy: Did you?
Dave Chappelle: Yeah, yeah. Became the biggest staron television. And then I quit.
Eddie Murphy: Oh, all right. [4 takes a cigarette out and lights it] Hey, I did not know you could smoke on stage.
Dave Chappelle: You can’t.
Eddie Murphy: Oh! See, this is why I came back to “Saturday Night Live,” for moments like this. When was the last time we was all together like this?
Chris Rock: Last Thursday at Sinbad’s house.
Dave Chappelle: Right, man. Oh, you’re looking at half of Netflix’s budget right here.
Chris Rock: Thanks, Netflix.
Eddie Murphy: Thanks, Netflix.
Tracy Morgan: Not me, not me. I made all my money on the road.
Eddie Murphy: You mean touring?
Tracy Morgan: No, I got hit by a truck.
Eddie Murphy: Okay. Well, I’m glad you’re all here to support me. And I appreciate it.
Dave Chappelle: That’s the least we can do, man.
Chris Rock: That’s right. I remember when I got hired, Lorne told me, “You’re gonna be the next Eddie Murphy.” And then a year later, he said, “No, you’re not.”[Beck Bennett walks in]
Beck Bennett: You said it, Chris Rock. And just to piggy back–[Kenan Thompson walks in and pushes Beck Bennett away]
Kenan Thompson: No, we’re good on that.[cheers nd applause]Sorry about that fellas. Please continue.
Chris Rock: Who the hell was that?
Tracy Morgan: Joe Piscopo.
Eddie Murphy: Hey, we’ve got a great show for you tonight. Lizzo is here.[cheers and applause]
I’m back. Don’t turn the channel. We’ll be right back.