Greg… Will Farrell
Aidy Bryant
Beck Bennett
Heidi Gardner
Kyle Mooney
Chris Redd
Melissa Villaseñor
[Starts with people having thanksgiving dinner.]
Announcer: It’s thanksgiving. And it wouldn’t be the holidays without Heinz.
[Cut to Greg]
Greg: Honey, could you pass the ketchup?
[Cut to Aidy]
Aidy: Well, I’m just happy that we’re all together for thanksgiving.
[Cut to Greg squeezing the ketchup bottle. It sounds like a fart.]
[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck: Whoa, easy there, Greg.
[everybody laughing]
[Cut to Greg looking embarrassed.]
Greg: That wasn’t me. It was the ketchup bottle.
[Cut to Heidi]
Heidi: Are you sure about that, dad?
[everybody laughing]
[Cut to Greg]
Greg: [seriously] Yeah, I’m very sure. [everybody stop laughing] I didn’t cut a fart at thanksgiving dinner. I wouldn’t do that. It’s not who I am.
[Cut to Kyle]
Kyle: Yeah, dad, we know.
Announcer: It happens every year. The ketchup bottle makes an innocent noise and everyone thinks you ripped one at the dinner table. [Cut to Greg sitting on a sofa thinking about it.] They say they believe you, [cut to Chris and Melissa laughing] but you know what they’re thinking. It’s made every thanksgiving a living hell. [Cut to a video clip of Heinz Relax ketchup bottle.] Until now. Introducing Heinz relax. The ketchup you know and love without the uncomfortable noise. Now when you squeeze the bottle, it’s simply lets out a relaxing sigh.
[Cut to people having thanksgiving dinner.] So, this thanksgiving, things Greg be different.
Greg: Honey, can you pass the ketchup?
[Cut to Aidy]
Aidy: Sure.
[Cut to Chris]
Chris: Can I say I am so grateful to be here—
[Cut to Greg pressing the ketchup bottle. It sounds like a girl moaning.]
[Cut to Melissa]
Melissa: What was that?
[Cut to Greg]
Greg: That was a soothing sound of Heinz relax. Looks like this bottle’s almost empty.
[Cut to Beck]
Beck: That sounds like—
[Cut to Greg]
Greg: A relaxed sigh. I know.
[Cut to Chris]
Chirs: That ain’t what that sounds like.
[Cut to Greg]
Greg: Hey, everyone just… [showing the Heinz Relax bottle] relax.
Announcer: Spare yourself from further embarrassment with our whole family of Heinz relax products. Glass bottles. [sounds like men groaning when tapped at the back] Mustard. Even Mayo. [sounds like male moaning] Ohh!
[Cut to Heidi and Kyle]
Kyle: Mom, can I be excused?
[Cut to Aidy]
Aidy: Absolutely. [Kyle takes Heine relax bottle with him.] Wait, where are you going with that?
Kyle: My room?
Aidy: No. Put that down.
[Cut to Greg]
Greg: The boy loves ketchup, just like his own man.
Announcer: Heinz relax. Now available at your local supermarket. Must be 18 or older to buy.
