Daniel… Eddie Murphy
Brian… Chris Redd
Donna… Maya Rudolph
Matthew… Mikey Day[Starts with a family having Christmas dinner]
Daniel: Before we eat, I want to say a few words.[Cut to Brian]
Brian: Make it quick, dad. I’m starving.[other family members laughing] [Cut to Daniel]
Daniel: I will, I will. I just want to thank everyone for being here. And not just the immediate family. I’m talking about all the cousins and their kids and everybody.
Grandpa: That’s how it should be.
Daniel: That’s right, pop. [cut to Daniel] I know everybody is busy with their lives. Their own things they have to do but it means so much that you’re here with us in our home for the holidays.[Cut to Donna]
Donna: That goes for both of us.[Cut to Daniel and Donna late at night arguing in their room]
Daniel: [yelling] How come your damn sister couldn’t host?
Donna: My sister’s house is a dump, Daniel.
Daniel: You know? I got to pay for all this damn food? Hell no!
Daniel: As I have always said, this house is happier when it’s full.[Cut to Daniel knocking the door at night]
Daniel: [yelling] Get out of the bathroom![Cut back to the family dinner]
Grandpa: Son, you and Donna have been such gracious hosts. [Cut to Brian and Grandpa] I just hope I haven’t been a nuisance.[Cut to Grandpa coughing at night]
Grandpa: [coughing loudly] It’s so damn dry![Cut to Daniel and Donna not being able to sleep because of noise Grandpa is making] [Cut back to the family dinner.]
Donna: What are you talking about? We love having you here.[Cut to Grandpa coughing at night] [Cut back to the family dinner.]
Daniel: And of course, this is our first Christmas with our soon to be son-in-law Matthew.
When you two got engaged, [Cut to Daniel] all of us were just smiling from ear to ear.[Cut to Ego arguing with Daniel and Donna]
Ego: Why cannot I marry him? Because he’s white?
Daniel: [yelling] Yes![Cut back to the family dinner]
Donna: Welcome to the family, Matthew.[Cut to Ego arguing with Daniel and Donna]
Ego: You guys are being so racist.
Donna: Damn right we are. No offense Matthew.[Cut to Matthew just sitting there]
Matthew: None taken.[Cut back to the family dinner]
Donna: I’m just embarrassed we have to put you two on the air mattress.[Cut to Ego]
Ego: Mom, for the last time, it’s fine.[Cut to Ego and Matthew]
Matthew: Yeah! It’s actually super comfortable.
Matthew: [yelling] This sucks![Cut back to the family dinner]
Daniel: And then there is Brian. [Cut to Brian] Back from college. It sure is great to have my boy back home for a few weeks.
Brian: It feels good to be home, dad.[Cut to Daniel and Brian watching TV. Daniel is using the remote.]
Daniel: I am pushing it.
Brian: That’s channel dad! Not source.
Daniel: But channel is the source.
Brian: No, no. I showed you just yesterday!
Daniel: Just get your useless black ass out of here. I know how to do it. Just go.[Brian leaves]
Stupid ass! Son, come back in here.[Cut back to the family dinner]
Grandpa: Well, I just want to say as you get older, it all goes that much quicker. We should all cherish this time we all spend together as a family this Christmas. I know I will.[Cut to Grandpa sleeping on a couch] [Cut back to the family dinner]
Daniel: Thank you, pop! I could go on. But I know better than to let a meal my wife spent so much time cooking go cold.[Cut to Donna]
Donna: Oh, stop. I just threw it together.[Cut to Donna panicking at the kitchen]
Donna: No, no, no! [beep] [Cut back to the family dinner]
Daniel: Anyway, thank you all for being here. And I really mean that.
Narrating: I know it might be a little crowded —[Cut to children screaming in front of Daniel]
Daniel: This room is off limits. Get off me!
Narrating: And we might even get on each other’s nerves a little bit.[Cut to Brian and Donna in the kitchen]
Brian: Hey, ma! Do you have any–
Donna: [yelling] No! Whatever it is, no!
Narrating: This is going to make the memories last a lifetime.[Cut to Ego walking in toilet. Grandpa is already there.]
Grandpa: Um, occupied!
Ego: Grandpa! Lock the door![Cut back to the family dinner]
Daniel: Christmas is about family. And I am blessed to spend it with mine. Cheers!
Brian: That was beautiful, dad.
Grandpa: Well said, son.
Matthew: That was great, dad.