Daniel… Eddie Murphy
Brian… Chris Redd
Kenan Thompson
Donna… Maya Rudolph
Ego Nwodim
Matthew… Mikey Day
[Starts with a family having Christmas dinner]Daniel: Before we eat, I want to say a few words.
[Cut to Brian]Brian: Make it quick, dad. I’m starving.
[other family members laughing] [Cut to Daniel]Daniel: I will, I will. I just want to thank everyone for being here. And not just the immediate family. I’m talking about all the cousins and their kids and everybody.
Grandpa: That’s how it should be.
Daniel: That’s right, pop. [cut to Daniel] I know everybody is busy with their lives. Their own things they have to do but it means so much that you’re here with us in our home for the holidays.
[Cut to Donna]Donna: That goes for both of us.
[Cut to Daniel and Donna late at night arguing in their room]Daniel: [yelling] How come your damn sister couldn’t host?
Donna: My sister’s house is a dump, Daniel.
Daniel: You know? I got to pay for all this damn food? Hell no!
Daniel: As I have always said, this house is happier when it’s full.
[Cut to Daniel knocking the door at night]Daniel: [yelling] Get out of the bathroom!
[Cut back to the family dinner]Grandpa: Son, you and Donna have been such gracious hosts. [Cut to Brian and Grandpa] I just hope I haven’t been a nuisance.
[Cut to Grandpa coughing at night]Grandpa: [coughing loudly] It’s so damn dry!
[Cut to Daniel and Donna not being able to sleep because of noise Grandpa is making] [Cut back to the family dinner.]Donna: What are you talking about? We love having you here.
[Cut to Grandpa coughing at night] [Cut back to the family dinner.]Daniel: And of course, this is our first Christmas with our soon to be son-in-law Matthew.
When you two got engaged, [Cut to Daniel] all of us were just smiling from ear to ear.
[Cut to Ego arguing with Daniel and Donna]Ego: Why cannot I marry him? Because he’s white?
Daniel: [yelling] Yes!
[Cut back to the family dinner]Donna: Welcome to the family, Matthew.
[Cut to Ego arguing with Daniel and Donna]Ego: You guys are being so racist.
Donna: Damn right we are. No offense Matthew.
[Cut to Matthew just sitting there]Matthew: None taken.
[Cut back to the family dinner]Donna: I’m just embarrassed we have to put you two on the air mattress.
[Cut to Ego]Ego: Mom, for the last time, it’s fine.
[Cut to Ego and Matthew]Matthew: Yeah! It’s actually super comfortable.
Matthew: [yelling] This sucks!
[Cut back to the family dinner]Daniel: And then there is Brian. [Cut to Brian] Back from college. It sure is great to have my boy back home for a few weeks.
Brian: It feels good to be home, dad.
[Cut to Daniel and Brian watching TV. Daniel is using the remote.]Daniel: I am pushing it.
Brian: That’s channel dad! Not source.
Daniel: But channel is the source.
Brian: No, no. I showed you just yesterday!
Daniel: Just get your useless black ass out of here. I know how to do it. Just go.
[Brian leaves]Stupid ass! Son, come back in here.
[Cut back to the family dinner]Grandpa: Well, I just want to say as you get older, it all goes that much quicker. We should all cherish this time we all spend together as a family this Christmas. I know I will.
[Cut to Grandpa sleeping on a couch] [Cut back to the family dinner]Daniel: Thank you, pop! I could go on. But I know better than to let a meal my wife spent so much time cooking go cold.
[Cut to Donna]Donna: Oh, stop. I just threw it together.
[Cut to Donna panicking at the kitchen]Donna: No, no, no! [beep] [Cut back to the family dinner]
Daniel: Anyway, thank you all for being here. And I really mean that.
Narrating: I know it might be a little crowded —
[Cut to children screaming in front of Daniel]Daniel: This room is off limits. Get off me!
Narrating: And we might even get on each other’s nerves a little bit.
[Cut to Brian and Donna in the kitchen]Brian: Hey, ma! Do you have any–
Donna: [yelling] No! Whatever it is, no!
Narrating: This is going to make the memories last a lifetime.
[Cut to Ego walking in toilet. Grandpa is already there.]Grandpa: Um, occupied!
Ego: Grandpa! Lock the door!
[Cut back to the family dinner]Daniel: Christmas is about family. And I am blessed to spend it with mine. Cheers!
Everybody: Cheers!
Brian: That was beautiful, dad.
Grandpa: Well said, son.
Matthew: That was great, dad.
