Hot Tub Christmas

0
(0)

Chris Redd

Ego Nwodim

Cecily Strong

Scarlett Johansson

Big Jim… Niall Horan

[Starts with a clip of Radisson hotel]

Chris: Honey, come on. The coast is clear.

[Cut to Chris and Ego in a indoor pool]

Ego: Oh, my gosh! This is so crazy. The sign says it’s after hours for the hot tub

Chris: Yeah, well. It also says you can’t go in if you’ve had diarrhea in the past two weeks.

Ego: What are you implying, mister?

Chris: You know you did. Now, get in here rule breaker.

Ego: Okay, you are going to get us kicked out of the Radisson select.

[unknown laughter]

Ego: Honey what is that?

[Two women’s spirit appear]

Cecily: Hi, y’all.

Scarlett: Hi.

Chris: Are you spirits?

[Cut to Cecily and Scarlett]

Cecily: Oh, you mean like ghosts? Yeah.

Scarlett: Yeah, go ahead. Put your hand through my face.

[Cut to everybody. Ego tries tries to touch Scarlett]

Scarlett: Ah! I’m kidding.

[Cut to Chris and Ego]

Ego: Honey, I bet they’re gonna teach us some kind of Christmas lesson.

Chris: Yeah, like show us the error of our ways.

Ego: Like that classic Christmas story.

Chris: Oh yeah, what was it? Like the Muppet Christmas carol?

[Cut to Cecily and Scarlett]

Cecily: Oh gosh. I wish. I love Muppets.

Scarlett: No, we’re just two dead strippers that get to haunt this hot tub every Christmas.

[Cut to everybody]

Ego: You’re strippers?

Scarlett: We were.

Cecily: We’re dead now.

Scarlett: Yeah. We worked at Big Jim’s Jug, Rug and Tug Join across the street from the family chicken restaurant.

[cut to Chris and Ego]

Ego: So, how did you two pass?

Ego: Honey, that’s rude.

[Cut to Cecily and Scarlett]

Scarlett: No, it’s okay. There’s a song about it.

[music playing]

It was Christmas at the strip club

Cecily: Back in Chris97Cecily

Both: Big Jim closed up early

so we could trim the stripper tree

Scarlett: We gathered all our pasties

and set them on each limb

Both: Then big Jim made his annual joke

about getting Christmas trim

Cecily: We took our Christmas Quaaludes

Scarlett: having fun just hanging round

Both: we said is it safe to swim on qualudes

there is only one way to find out

[Cut to Chris and Ego]

Chris: Oh, it’s starting to sound like they did something dumb.

[Cut to Cecily and Scarlett]

Scarlett: So, we sneaked into this hot tub

Cecily: On this crystal Christmas night

Both: We said let’s do something funny

and have chicken fight

Cecily: I got on the bottom

Scarlett: And I got on the top.

[Spirit of Niall Horan appears]

Bim Jim: And I got up on both of them

while they both just shouted stop.

[Cut to Chris and Ego]

Ego: Who are you?

Bim Jim: I’m big Jim.

[Cut to everybody]

Chris: Big?

Scarlett: No, no. It’s a funny name.

Cecily: Yeah, like when you call a big fat guys, Tiny.

Ego: Okay, so you’re dead too?

Chris: Honey?

Bim Jim: I don’t mind it. It’s in the song.

Scarlett: Yeah, let’s get back to it.

[Cut to Cecily, Scarlett and Bim Jim]

Bim Jim: So, I sat on top of the chicken

but it felt like something was wrong

Then I noticed the girls went under

but they were down there far too long

Both: So we popped out of the water

to play a joke on Jim

All: But our forehead hit Jim’s forehead

and we all sunk down again

then we had a staring contest

underneath the hot tub foam

but we swallowed too much water

and now this hot tub is our forever home

Cecily: Did you get what happened in the song?

Scarlett: We drowned in.

[Cut to Chris and Ego]

Chris: So the three of you drowned having staring contest?

[Cut to Cecily, Scarlett and Bim Jim]

Scarlett: Yeah. I guess so. We was just having a good time.

Cecily: That’s the meaning of friendship.

Bim Jim: And hey, isn’t friendship what Christmas is all about?

Scarlett: Hey, don’t y’all ever forget that.

[The clock bell rings]

Well, it’s almost midnight.

[Cut to Chris and Ego]

Chris: What happens then?

[Cut to Cecily, Scarlett and Bim Jim]

Cecily: Then it’s Christmas and we go back to hell.

Scarlett: Yeah, we only get the one night. Anyway, before we go—

All: [singing]

so here’s out Christmas lesson

the afterlife is long

but we all have to go so why not go with friends

and you’ll never be alone

[song ends]

Scarlett: Oh! And one more thing. That diarrhea you’re having right now, it’s because you’re pregnant.

[Cut to Chris and Ego]

Ego: Oh, honey.

Chris: You’re having diarrhea right now?

Ego: Yes, but we’re going to have a baby.

[Cut to Cecily, Scarlett and Bim Jim]

Cecily: Congratulations.

[Cut to everybody]

All: Merry Christmas. Bye.

Ego: Oh! I guess they taught us something after all.

Chris: Did they?

Ego: We found out I’m pregnant.

Chris: I would like to get a real doctor to establish that, but hey, get over here. Merry Christmas. I love you.

Ego: I love you, too.

 

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments