Denise Craw … Aidy Bryant
Walter Dale… Woody Harrelson
Connie Brasheres … Cecily Strong
Quincy Maddox … Kenan Thompson
[Starts with Inside the Beltway intro]
[Cut to Denise Craw in her set]
Denise Craw: Good morning and welcome to Inside The Beltway where we look at what’s happening up in Washington. I’m Denise Craw. Joining me as always are [Cut to Walter Dale] Walter Dale from the Forth Worth Star. From the Dallas Morning News, [Cut to Connie Brasheres] Connie Brasheres. And the chair of [Cut to Quincy Maddox] African-American Studies at Rice University, Quincy Maddox. Wow, [Cut to everybody] it’s been a historic week as the house launched an impeachment inquiry into the president. [Cut to Denise Craw] It’s really shaking Washington up. Hasn’t it, Walter?
[Cut to Walter Dale]
Waler Dale: It sure has. I’ve got to say, this feels like a real turning point in the Trump presidency.
[Cut to Connie Brasheres]
Connie Brasheres: You know, it’s gratifying to see our system of checks and balances finally working the way it intended.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: Ain’t nothing gonna happen.
[Cut to everybody]
Denise Craw: Hey.
[Cut to Walter Dale and Quincy Maddox]
Walter Dale: Quincy, come on. You have to admit there’s something about this Ukraine story.
[Cut to Connie Brasheres]
Connie Brasheres: You know, it’s amazing. The American people seem to understand the gravity of it right away.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: Yeah. I see that. But ain’t nothing gonna happen.
[Cut to Connie Brasheres]
Connie Brasheres: You know, I don’t know. It actually seems the president is in real trouble here.
[Cut to Denise Craw]
Denise Craw: Yeah, you know, Ukraine is likely to be one of many reasons cited in the articles of impeachment. I mean, this is not his first offense. Okay? I mean, remember what happened five months ago. Let’s take a look.
[Cut to Inside the Beltway video bumper]
[Cut to a woman giving her speech]
Woman: We believe that no one above the law, including the president of the United States. And we believe that the president of the United States is engaged in a cover-up.
[Cut to Denise Craw]
Denise Craw: And there you have it. The full Mueller report is out, and it cites ten instances of obstruction. It’s really shaken Washington up, hasn’t it, Walter?
[Cut to Walter Dale and Quincy Maddox]
Walter Dale: It has. You know, this feels like a real turning point in the Trump presidency.
[Cut to Qunicy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: Ain’t nothing gonna happen.
[Cut to Denise Craw]
Denise Craw: Okay. Wow, I forgot about that last part. But we all must acknowledge that the Mueller report is but one stain on an already tarnished presidency.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: Uh-huh.
[Cut to Connie Brasheres]
Connie Brasheres: I mean, there’s also the Genueflecting to murderous dictators.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox]
Word.
Connie Brasheres: Calling white supremacists very fine people.
Quincy Maddox: Come on.
[Cut to Denise Craw]
Denise Craw: And lying about hush money to cover up an affair. For real? What an adult film star.
[Cut to Walter Dale and Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: Oh, damn!
Walter Dale: And this new story about Trump telling the Russians he didn’t care about election interference.
Quincy Maddox: Oh, snap. Well, if that’s true – ain’t nothing gonna happen.
Walter Dale: Quincy, please. This Ukraine episode is a clear a violation of the oath of office, and there are transcripts.
Quincy Maddox: Uh-oh. Here come the transcripts. Because if there’s one thing Americans love, it’s reading.
[Cut to Connie Brasheres]
Connie Brasheres: And keep in mind, impeachment gives congress more powers than they previously had. Adam Schiff says, and I quote, “The big club has been brought out”.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: Oh, snap. Adam “The Hammer” Schiff said that? Well, that’s all you had to say.
[Cut to Walter Dale]
Walter Dale: Quincy, you know how this works. It happened in Watergate. It can happen again. First they send out the subpoenas.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox listening to Walter eating popcorn]
Then there’s hearings. Quincy. Quincy. Quincy, stop.
[Cut to Walter Dale and Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: No, no, no. Tell me what’s next.
Walter Dale: Please put down the popcorn.
Quincy Maddox: Okay.
Walter Dale: Thank you. Now, and don’t forget about this whistle-blower who has agreed to testify before congress.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: A whistle-blower? Oh, he going to go missing.
[Cut to Walter Dale and Quincy Maddox]
Walter Dale: What?
Quincy Maddox: Nothing.
Walter Dale: Well, unlike you, I have faith in the process. The system might take a while, but it is working.
Quincy Maddox: Oh, it’s working. For Trump. ‘Cause ain’t nothing gonna happen.
[Cut to Denise Craw]
Denise Craw: Well, Mr. Maddox, in life sometimes people surprise us. Okay? And I think it’s possible that some republicans are about to have a moment of moral clarity.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: Oh, you do, do you? Now, let’s roll that clip from 2016.
Denise Craw: Okay. I’m the host.
[Cut to Inside the Beltway video bumper]
[Cut to Donald Trump’s speech]
Donald Trump: They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. [Cut to another video of Donald Trump] He’s a war hero ‘cause he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured. Okay? I hate to say. [Cut to another video of Donald Trump] You ought to see this guy. “Oh, I don’t know what to say. Ah!” Grab them by the (beep). You can do anything.
[Cut to Denise Craw]
Denise Craw: Wow, just appalling. I don’t think I’ve heard any man talk like that.
[Cut to everybody]
Walter Dale: It’s revolting. It feels like a real turning point in the Trump candidacy.
Quincy Maddox: Mm-hmm. He gonna win.
[Cut to Denise Craw]
Denise Craw: But I believe – I believe that the arc – I believe that the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice.
[Cut to Walter Dale]
Walter Dale: Hear, hear.
[Cut to Connie Brasheres]
Connie Brasheres: Well said, Denise.
[Cut to Quincy Maddox]
Quincy Maddox: Well said. Indeed, he gonna win again.
[Cut to everybody]
Denise Craw: Go to commercial. Go to commercial.
