John Mulaney
Cecily Strong
Kenan Thompson
[Starts with video clip of John Mulaney speaking]
John Mulaney: A lot of people know that I was a writer here at Saturday Night Live. What people may not know is I actually auditioned to be on the show a couple of times. It was 44 times.
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 2004]
Hi, John Mulaney. Six foot zero. 165 pounds in the morning!
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in1986]
Hi, John Mulaney. Six foot zero. 165 pounds in the[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 1975] morning! [John Mulaney makes funny face] This is my first and I assume my only audition for Saturday Night Live is it called? Very nice.
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in1986]
This is my take on the breakfast club. It’s called the brunch club. Why do we have detention? I’ll take the French toast.
[Cut to Cecily Strong]
Cecily Strong: I tried to help him a couple of times with his audition but he got very defensive.
[Cut to John Mulane]
John Mulaney: How can you help me with my audition when you don’t even get what it is I am doing? Do you see my problem?
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in1975]
I do impressions but I don’t try to do the voice. I’m Richard Nixon. I’m the president. I sold out and I’m a crook.
[Cut to Kenan Thompson]
Kenan Thompson: He never seems to age. I mean, is he like a fresh 31 or stay old 76?
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 2004]
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 2004]
John Mulaney: This is John Travolta in Lord of the Rings. [Impression] ‘Ey, my precious.’
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 1986]
This is Alex Trebek if he was speed dating– oh, this is Tom’s mustache. One second.
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 1975]
Barbra Streisand doing jogs. “One-naa, one-naa, one-na-na-na”.
[Cut to Cecily Strong]
Cecily Strong: Oh yes, one character guy who doesn’t want to get a divorce.
John Mulaney: [Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 1975]
I don’t want to get divorce.
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 1986]
Think about the kids.
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 2004]
I don’t want to get a divorce. It hasn’t changed.
[Cut to Kenan Thompson]
Kenan Thompson: The guy who wants to get a divorce–
[John Mulaney comes in]
John Mulaney: The guy who doesn’t want to get a divorced.
Kenan Thompson: Hey, what’s up man?
John Mulaney: Nothing man. Good to see you.
Kenan Thompson: You too.
[Cut to John Mulaney]
John Mulaney: I remember one time Lauren pulled me aside. He said, “We don’t need whatever it is you are.”
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 1986]
I’m sick of bar-tending here at Cheers. Some days I just want to stop.
[Cut to John Mulaney auditioning for the show in 2004]
Because you are the weakest ling. Good bye. I would love to be on the show.
[Cut to John Mulaney]
I think if I play my cards right and host well for a second time, I’m going to get another audition.
