Kaylee, Crystal & Janetta

Mikey Day

Kaylee … Aidy Bryant

Janetta …Kate McKinnon

Crystal … Cecily Strong

Jean … Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Gerald … Beck Bennett

[Starts with a clip of Buddy’s State Line Bar] [Cut to the bar. There are two ladies yelling at other people.]

Mikey Day: Hey, hey, hey, I know you all are regulars but you’re getting too rowdy, okay? And your friend is dancing too wild, [Cut to Kate McKinnon Dancing wild on the jukebox] all right? I’m getting complaints.

Kaylee: Oh, okay. What is this, the Ritz-Carlton? What’s wrong with Janetta? What’s up with you, Janetta?

[Cut to Janetta]

Janetta: I met by my ex-boyfriend.

[Cut to three ladies]

Kaylee: What? That’s the only kind of good boyfriend there is.

Crystal: Ex.

Kaylee: So, which one?

[Cut to Janetta]

Janetta: Gerald. From the guitar center.

[Cut to Kaylee and Crystal]

Kaylee: Oh, the one we all slept with and now hate.

Janetta: Yeah.

[Cut to everyone]

Kaylee: Oh, Jenny! Where have you been?

Jean: Hell, good! [Cut to Janetta and Jean] My brother Tren just got out of three nights’ prison, left the police to seat middle at in the yard he had planned with. He did a big old surprise with a dynamite.

[Cut to Kaylee and Crystal]

Crystal: Sheet metal is no doubt.

[Cut to Janetta and Jean]

Janetta: I tried to throw a piece of sheet metal on my ex-boyfriend. And I guess wind got underneath it, blew that sucker, bow, right back in my face.

Jean: Screw him. You don’t need no man. None of us do. Look at us. We want love? We can find it.

[Cut to Kaylee and Crystal]

Crystal: Easy.

Kaylee: Oh, yeah! Piece of cake.

[Cut to Janetta and Jean]

Jean: Don’t say nothing about cake to me today.

[Cut to Kaylee and Crystal]

Crystal: Why, Janey girl?

Jean: I tried to get a cake today [Cut to Janetta and Jean] at Walmart. They wouldn’t write on it what I wanted on it.

[Cut to Kaylee and Crystal]

Crystal: What you want on that cake?

Kaylee: Oh, yeah! Piece of cake.

[Cut to everybody]

Jean: A threat?

[A man walks by. The girls are checking him out.]

Kaylee: That’s Gerald from the guitar center.

Jean: He got some nerve, walking in here looking like sex on a stick on his tight jeans.

[Cut to Gerald drinking beer at the bar]

Janetta: You know what? I don’t are. [Cut to the ladies] I’m not bothered by him at all.

Crystal: Yeah, me neither.

[Cut to Gerald]

Gerald: Hey, ladies.

[Cut to the ladies. They are yelling at Gerald.] [Cut to Gerald]

Gerald: Um, soak it in ladies. Take in all my sexy. It’s not my fault y’all fell in love with this. I would too.

[Cut to the ladies]

Crystal: No, don’t even try to smooth this over.

Gerald: Hey, I told you, [Cut to Gerald] monogamy wouldn’t work in my world.

[Cut to everybody]

Gerald: Girls, I’m sorry. But I want to give this piece of trash a whole mess of pain.

[Other ladies are hooting for her] [Cut to Jean and Gerald]

You act like I said bad things, okay? I miss you. You smell so good, it’s like menthol cigarettes and bar lines. Which one of us do you like best? Please say me. [Jean punches Gerald] Well – Kaylee, your turn.

[Cut to everyone. Jean takes the seat and Kaylee walks to Gerald]

Kaylee: Okay, I hope you live through this.

[Other ladies hooting for her] [Cut to Kaylee and Gerald]

Did you get my email? Where I gave you my work schedule with all my little lunch breaks? Because I was hoping we could squeeze out a little quicky during one of those times. Because I miss your beefy fingers.

[Kaylee hits Gerald with a bottle on his head]

But yeah, yeah, [Cut to everybody] I hope that this gives you a headache just for all the ones you gave me.

[Janetta walks to Gerald]

Janetta: All right. This is my turn. [Other ladies hooting for her] [Cut to Janetta and Gerald]

Hey, act like I’m choking you. Remember when we walked out on the dock? And you said, “Look.” And I did. And it was the – and I laughed about it. And you kissed my laughing open mouth? Well, I want that back, man. You’re dead to me. [Janetta hits Gerald with a bullseye board] Crystal, finish him off.

[Cut to Crystal bringing up a guitar to hit Gerald]

Crystal: Yeah. Yeah! [Crystal hits Gerald with a guitar and breaks it] Oh. Hey. Hey. You remember what we talked about the night you left me? I changed to my mind, okay? I will give you a backstage pass. Now get lost and stay there.

[Cut to everybody]

Kaylee: We showed his ass ladies.

Crystal: That, we sure did.

Janetta: To sisterhood.

Jean: Well, I got to get out of here. I got a date with your son.

Kaylee: Okay, have fun. Tell him I folded his laundry.

[Ends with a video clip of Buddy’s State Line Bar]

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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