Travis… Kenan Thompson
Deirdre… Cecily Strong
Michael… Pete Davidson
Victoria… Rachel Brosnahan
Heidi Gardner
[Starts with a video clip of office building of Mattel]Deirdre: Good morning, little Barbie interns. [Cut to intern meeting. The interns are sitting and Deirdre and Travis are briefing] Everyone have their morning iced whatevers and their doughy breakfast bready things?
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Travis: That’s enough, Deirdre. Let’s get into it. There is a lot of work to be done. With the popularity of Barbie’s Instagram page, Barbie fans can connect with the brand more than ever before. But one question lingers. Deirdre?
Deirdre: Who is Ken? [Ken appears in the screen between Deirdre and Travis]
Travis: Ken is style. Ken is the ideal boyfriend. Ken is Anglo. Ken is Wall Street. Ken is surf. Ken is sex, but only implied.
Deirdre: So today, we are launching the Instagram page for—
Heidi and Victoria: Barbie.
Michael: Deirdre
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Travis: For Ken, damn it.
Deirdre: Breathe Travis. What we need is for you to help us come up with the captions for his Instagram. [Cut to Deirdre and screen with Ken’s picture] So, here’s the first pick. [Cut to Ken’s picture. It looks like he’s looking at a black phone] What do you think Ken would say here?
[Cut to Heidi]Heidi: How about, ‘This wallet is black’.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Travis: Oh, it’s not a wallet, it’s a cell phone.
Heidi: Then why is he staring at it like it’s a wallet?
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Travis: He’s taking a selfie. He’s being young and cool.
Deirdre: Michael, what’s your caption for this?
[Cut to Michael]Michael: How about ‘Ken’.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis][Deirdre and Travis are speechless]Travis: Ken? You think Ken would caption his picture? Just ‘Ken’?
[Cut to Michael]Michael: Right. How about’ Ken’s wallet’.
Travis: It’s not a wallet.
Deirdre: Travis just told you he’s taking a selfie.
[Cut to Michael]Michael: Well, you can’t do that with a wallet.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Travis: Deirdre, help me weather my fury.
Deirdre: It’s okay. Moving on. What’s your caption? [Cut to Victoria] What would Ken say here?
Victoria: Every time I see a picture of myself, I wonder, who am I even for? A I an accessory for Barbie? No more important than her big plastic brush? You know, I could destroy her with six little words. “I know what’s under the Jacuzzi.”
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis][Deirdre and Travis are speechless]Travis: Girl, now you listen to me. Ken has no intention of revealing barbie’s secrets for a profit. Ken is for money.
[Cut to Victoria]Victoria: Ken is not doing it for the money.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Deirdre: Let’s try another picture.
[Cut to picture of Ken bringing Barbie a piece of cake. Barbie is sitting with her puppy.]Heidi: Okay. New picture. New wallet. [Cut to Heidi] Me, that lady, and baby raccoon.
Travis: That lady is Barbie and she would never own a pet raccoon. That is her Yorkie and Barbie is his whole world.
Deirdre: Yes, captions for Ken. Remember? All right, Michael?
[Cut to Michael]Michael: I got it. How about, ‘Ken is there’.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Travis: Why would Ken say ‘Ken is there’?
[Cut to Michael]Michael: Because he is. He wants people to know where they could find him.
Deirdre: Victoria?
Victoria: Somehow there is never [Cut to Victoria] a chair for me. The dog gets to sit and have a macaroon, but not Ken. Should I tell her I know what’s under the Jacuzzi? No, not yet. Save it for the big party right in the middle of her speech.
[Cut to Travis]Travis: Listen to me, girl. There is nothing buried under Barbie’s Jacuzzi. I will tell you what’s going on in this picture. Ken bought a macaroon and she reached for her purse and Ken said “No, no, no, no. This is a date.” Then they gave each other a sweet dry kiss period!
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Deirdre: Easy Travis, let’s give this one more good try before we release you permanently. I’ll give you an example. [Cut to picture of Ken, Barbie and another girl] “Oh! Another great party at Barbie’s.”
[Cut to the interns]Heidi: Oh okay. I got it. ‘I think it’s right behind me. I should tell the raccoon.’
[Cut to Travis]Travis: I swear to god. If I were a cartoon right now my face would inflate till it popped like a balloon.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Deirdre: Michael, please give us a good caption.
[Cut to Michael]Michael: We should invite Ken to the party.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Deirdre: Ken is right there.
[Cut to Michael]Michael: Then who is taking the picture.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Deirdre: I’m sorry. So you think he’s not at the party, but he is taking the picture?
[Cut to Michael]Michael: Yeah, he’s like that.
[Cut to the interns]Victoria: Well, the party was last night. I interrupted her speech [Cut to Victoria] and said everyone follow me to the Jacuzzi. They gathered around and when they saw what was there, they were silent. Then they raised their glasses and cheered for Barbie. Later that night she turned to me in bed and asked, Ken whose name is written in pink all over these plastic walls? Is it Ken? I simply whispered, [Whispering] “No. It’s Barbie.” Then she said, “You are lucky I don’t put you outside with the raccoons.”
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Travis: Okay. Well, let’s schedule another meeting for Never-tober.
[Cut to Heidi]Heidi: I’m sorry, which day in Never-tober? I might have a thing.
[Cut to Deirdre and Travis]Deirdre: The 36th. We’ll see you there.
