Leave Me Alurn | Season 44 Episode 10


Rachel Brosnahan

Beck Bennett

Kate McKinnon

Kenan Thompson

Melissa Villaseñor

Alex Moffat

Pete Davidson

[Starting with a woman walking alone on the hills with a backpack.]

Narrator: Travelling solo, it’s my favorite. I love exploring with no one to please but myself.

[Cut to beautiful scenery of jungle, river and hills.]

Narrator: But when you’re a woman, [Cut to Rachel enjoying the view.] there is one very real danger. [Cut to Beck walks to Rachel.] Unwanted small talk.

Beck: This view, right? Reminds me of the episode of twin peaks where the girl gets murdered. Are you seeing anyone?

[Cut to Rachel speechless.] [Cut to Kate enjoying her yoga at the park.]

Narrator: And having headphones in isn’t always enough [Cut to Kate meditating with her earpods on. Kenan walks to Kate.] to keep men I don’t know from talking to me.

Kenan: Om. That’s you. Om. You heard of Buddhists?

[Cut to Rachel sitting on the rocks with her backpack beside her.]

Rachel: That’s why wherever I go, [Taking her urn out of the bag] I always pack this.

[Cut to decorated urn with shoes, binoculars, shoes, maps, etc.]

Narrator: Introducing ‘Leave Me Alurn.’ ‘Leave Me Alurn’ is a portable urn of women travelers [Cut to different video clips of women traveling alone.] to make men think you are about to scatter your dad or grandpa’s ashes in a meaningful place. So they back the hell up off.

[Cut to Rachel, she takes her ‘Leave Me Alurn’ out.]

Rachel: This was his favorite spot. [Cut to Beck wondering what she is saying] It’s what he would have wanted.

Beck: Oh, okay. I didn’t realize. I’m going to let you – I didn’t know – sorry. [Beck leaves Rachel alone] [Cut to Rachel holding ‘Leave Me Alurn’ close, smiling]

Rachel: Confrontation avoided. Thanks, ‘Leave Me Alurn’.

[Cut to Kate being annoyed by Kenan]

Narrator: You only take one vacation every seven years. Go ahead. Give them the urn.

[Kate takes her ‘Leave Me Alurn’ out of her bag.]

Kate: He always wanted to see the ocean. [Cut to Kenan shocked] Better late than never, I guess.

Kenan: I’m sorry. That’s a– I’m interrupting a little funeral. Forgive it. [Kenan leaves in shock] [Cut to Kate smiles]

Kate: He’s gone and I didn’t have to be a bitch about it. Thanks, ‘Leave Me Alurn’.

[Cut to video clip of human cartoons.]

Narrator: ‘Leave Me Alurn’, it’s a conversation prophylactic that gives the impression that ashes could blow up to 50 feet away and that’s how far men will stay from you. And it’s not just a fake urn, [Cut to Rachel. She pulls up a wire from the bottle of the urn.] it’s also a portable phone charger. And it’s even a stainless steel water bottle. [Cut to Kate drinking water from the urn. Kenan sees her drinking water from it and gets disgusted.] [Cut to Melissa walking inside a bar and getting a drink]

‘Leave Me Alurn’ also works great back home for those little ‘just because I look friendly doesn’t mean I am friendly’ moments with boy strangers.

[Cut to Alex walks to Melissa at the bar.]

Alex: Is this seat taken?

Melissa: It was. Brought him back one last round.

[Cut to Alex getting disgusted]

Alex: Never mind.

[Cut to Alex] Can I buy you ladies a – [Cut to all ladies showing a ‘Leave Me Alurn’]

Oh, come on! [Alex leaves] [Cut to video clip of ‘Leave Me Alurns’]

Narrator: ‘Leave Me Alurn’ travel urn, for her. Kills small talk dead. Call now and you will also get [Lowe Back Spikes is shown in the screen] lower back spikes.

Because there is never a reason to touch a woman’s lower back when walking past her. Like never.

Pete: Excuse me! [Walks behind a woman] Ow! My hand!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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