Legal Shark Tank | Season 44 Episode 14

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Michael Avenatti… Pete Davidson

Janine Pirro… Cecily Strong

Alan Dreshowitz… John Mulaney Rudy Giuliani

Rudy Giuliani… Kate McKinnon

Robert Kraft… Beck Bennett

Jussie Smollett… Chris Redd

[Starts with Shark Tank intro]

Narrator: And now it’s time for ‘Shark Tank: Legal Edition’ where celebrities in legal trouble make their case to see if any of our sharks will represent them. [Cut to the legal sharks] First let’s meet our legal sharks. He’s a porn lawyer who might just run for president, [Cut to Michael Avenatti] Michael Avenatti.

Michael Avenatti: Sorry for being nervous. [confident and smiling] I hate being on TV.

Narrator: Former prosecutor and current fox news Banshee, [Cut to Janine Pirro] Janine Pirro.

Janine Pirro:  When I walk into the room, all the house plants die.

Narrator: The scourge of Martha’s vineyard, [Cut to Alan Dreshowitz] Alan Dreshowitz.

Alan Dreshowitz: After I started defending Trump, no one invites me to parties anymore. I wish I could go back to defending good people like O.J.

Narrator: And the man, the myth, the leper, [Cut to Rudy Giuliani] Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy Giuliani: Don’t feed me after midnight or it’s Gremlin city.

Narrator: Both our guest sharks for tonight, Jingle based attorney Cellino and Barnes.

[Cut to Video Bumper]

Cellino and Barnes, Injury Attorneys

Happy to be here on “Shark Tank”

[Cut to Shark Tank stage]

Narrator: And now let’s meet our first troubled celeb [The door opens and Robert Kraft walks in] seeking legal help, New England patriots owner, Robert Kraft.

Robert Kraft: Hello, sharks.

[Cut to the sharks]

Sharks: Hi, Bob. Hey, Bob.

Rudy Giuliani: I already got a good feeling about being this guy. Yeah.

[Cut to Robert Kraft]

Robert Kraft: Sharks, I am currently in some hot water over accusations that I went to the day spa in Florida and got what turned out to be a not so happy ending. I’m also the only person to ever take a private jet straight to a $59 handjob. I’m seeking an attorney who will make sure no one sees the video of my 77 year old pigskin getting tossed around.

[Cut to Michael Avenatti]

Michael Avenatti: This is a serious charge, Bob. And as you’ve shown, you can’t beat it on your own. [Michael smiles] [Cut to Janine Pirro]

Janine Pirro: If you’ll ask me, the real criminal in this story is the immigrant woman who stole that job from a soft, white, American hand.

[Cut to Alan Dreshowitz]

Alan Dreshowitz: Okay, now at the risk of Reese Witherspoon blocking me on twitter, I have to say, can’t a billionaire get a Hojo in peace? Let the man have some fun. Also $59 in Palm Beach? I respect the man for getting a great deal.

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani]

Rudy Giuliani: Listen Bob, if you pick me, I would happily go on TV, contradict everything you’ve ever said and then add some additional damaging information free of charge. God bless America.

[Cut to video bumper]

Cellino and Barnes happy to defend you especially if the spa had a

[Cut to Shark Tank stage]

Narrator: UP next, the controversial [The door opens and Jussie Smolett enters] star of ‘Empire’, Jussie Smollett.

Jussie Smollett: Hey everyone, you won’t believe this, but I was just attacked outside the studio by Donald Trump himself.

[Cut to Alan Dreshowitz]

Alan Dreshowitz: Jussie, is that true?

[Cut to Jussie Smollett]

Jussie Smollett: Are there cameras outside?

[Cut to Alan Dreshowitz]

Alan Dreshowitz: Yes.

[Cut to Jussie Smollett]

Jussie Smollett: Then no, it is not.

[Cut to Michael Avenatti]

Michael Avenatti: Jussie, why exactly are you here today?

[Cut to Jussie Smollett]

Jussie Smollett: I broke humanity. But if you take my case, I offer spoilers for next season of Empire. I die.

[Cut to Janine Pirro]

Janine Pirro: Wow! A gay black man lying about an attack. I wrote Fox news fan fiction about this. But I never thought it would come true. I’m recusing myself. Because I am just too turned on.

[Cut to Alan Dreshowitz]

Alan Dreshowitz: Jussie, you got everything I love in a client. You’re famous, you’re probably guilty, end of list.

[Cut to video bumper]

Cellino and Barnes injury attorneys, and even we want justice.

[Ends with outro]

Narrator: Shark tank, legal edition.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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