Heidi Gardner
Jennifer… Cecily Strong
Ego Nwodim
William… Chance the Rapper
Bartender… Beck Bennett
Waitress… Melissa Villaseñor
[Starts with a clip of a very nice restaurant]
[Cut to thee ladies inside the restaurant]
Heidi Gardner: Come on, Jennifer. Cheer up. I hate to see you depressed.
Jennifer: I’m sorry. I know it’s not very 2019 to be down about a guy, but I still miss him.
Ego Nwodim: Oh, of course you do! You were together a long time.
[Cut to Jennifer]
Jennifer: Let’s just get more drinks and I’ll write down my address for when I pass out.
[Cut to Heidi Gardner and Ego Nwodim]
Ego Nwodim: Well, this night’s going to be bad.
Heidi Gardner: Actually, Jennifer, there’s a guy at the bar and he’s staring at you.
[Cut to Jennifer. There is a guy behind Jennifer at the bar who is looking at her.]
Jennifer: He’s looking at me? That has to be a mistake.
[Cut to Heidi Gardner and Ego Nwodim]
Ego Nwodim: No, girl, he’s coming over here!
[Cut to everybody. William is walking towards Jennifer]
William: Hello. My name is William. I’m nice, but I’m also shy.
Jennifer: I’ve heard that before. Right, ladies?
[Cut to Heidi Gardner and Ego Nwodim]
Ego Nwodim: Okay, give him a chance. Jennifer.
[Cut to Jennifer and William]
William: I could tell you looked sad. Would you like to dance?
[Jennifer stands and holds William’s hands]
Jennifer: Do they have dancing here?
William: I don’t care. [They start dancing] If they don’t like it, they can kill us.
[Cut to the bartender]
Bartender: Hey, buddy, we don’t really have room for dancing here.
[Cut to Jennifer and William]
William: Well, we are going to dance. And if you don’t like it, I suggest you kill us.
Jennifer: Wow, I never met anyone so confident.
William: And I’ve never met anyone so beautiful.
[Cut to Heidi Gardner and Ego Nwodim]
Ego Nwodim: Oh, my gosh! Did you hear that? He knows just what to say.
Heidi Gardner: I know. I mean even if he’s a psych, it’s nice to hear you’re pretty.
Ego Nwodim: I know, even from a crazy person, it’s 100.
Heidi Gardner: But he’s dressed well.
Ego Nwodim: He is dressed well. So cute.
[Cut to Jennifer and William]
William: Hey, do you believe in love at first sight?
Jennifer: I think I’m starting to. This is crazy.
William: What’s crazy is how you feel in my arms.
[Cut to everybody]
Jennifer: I feel like I’m floating.
[Jennifer and William are literally floating in the middle of the restaurant]
[Cut to Heidi Gardner and Ego Nwodim]
Ego Nwodim: Hey, are they flying right now?
Heidi Gardner: Oh, my god. I wouldn’t call it flying, but it’s definitely a low hover.
[Cut to everybody]
Jennifer: Is this what true love is supposed to feel like?
[Cut to Jennifer and William]
William: I wouldn’t have it any other way. Do you want to see if we can move around?
Jennifer: Sure. Lead the way.
William: Here we go.
[Cut to everybody. Jennifer and William start floating around over other’s tables and breaking things]
Ego Nwodim: Okay. Guys, be careful.
Heidi Gardner: You guys don’t have a lot of clearance.
Ego Nwodim: Yeah, which makes me they’re not that much in love.
[Cut to Jennifer and William]
William: Don’t listen to them. They’re just jealous of me.
Jennifer: And me, too.
William: Sure. Hey, have you ever had champagne?
Jennifer: No, what is it?
William: You’ll see. Let’s fly to the bar. Here we go!
[Jennifer and William fly to the bar. William takes his champagne out of the ice and drops the ice bucket from the bar]
William: This will do nicely.
Jennifer: I’ll get the glasses. [Jennifer flies to the bar and breaks a lot of glasses trying to fetch two glasses for them] I feel like I’m flying in the stars.
[Cut to the bartender]
Bartender: Uh, you’re not. You’re like three feet tops.
[Cut to Jennifer and William]
William: I don’t care. We’re in love. And with love, there are no rules!
[William does a flip in the air]
Jennifer: Yeah! We’re in love!
Bartender: All right. Looking right up your skirt, honey!
[Cut to Jennifer and William]
Ego Nwodim: I am so happy for Jennifer. I just hope she doesn’t get hurt.
Heidi Gardner: Yeah, you mean physically, right?
Ego Nwodim: Yeah, with all the crashing and—
[Cut to Jennifer and William]
Jennifer: Guys, I don’t want this night to ever end.
[Waitress walks in]
Waitress: Who ordered a seafood platter?
[Jennifer and William try to get the food but mess up everything from the table.]
Waitress: Thank you. That was so easy to make.
Jennifer: This is the best night of my life. And we haven’t even kissed.
William: Let’s change that.
[Jennifer and William kiss. William starts floating down.]
Jennifer: Oh, wait. Wait, why are you sinking? Was my kiss weird?
William: Nah, it was good.
Jennifer: Well, then, come back up here where all the love is.
William: Please don’t pull my arm.
Jennifer: I want you up here with me.
William: Yeah, I’m just going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back. Hey, this was fun.
[William leaves]
[Cut to the bartender]
Bartender: So do you want to close up or what?
Jennifer: Yeah, sure, let me—I’ll get my purse.
[Jennifer goes to her friends to get her purse]
Ego Nwodim: Jennifer, don’t be sad.
Jennifer: You know, maybe I was meant to be alone.
Ego Nwodim: No, you’ll find someone else sooner or later.
Bartender: Hello. I think it’s going to be sooner.
[Cut to the bartender. He is floating.]
Jennifer: You!
Ego Nwodim: Jennifer, maybe not the bartender!
Jennifer: Just one way to find out. Kiss me!
[Bartender and Jennifer kiss]
Both: We’re in love! We’re in love! [Bartender and Jennifer float higher and outside the window] We’re in love!
