Grace … Cecily Strong
Bella Rosa… Phoebe Waller-Bridge
Charlie … Alex Moffat
Siobhan … Chloe Fineman
Finlay … Beck Bennett
Chris Redd
Mackenzie … Aidy Bryant
[Starts with Love Island intro]
Announcer: It’s Love Island, the UK reality station that America is obsessing over. It turns out they also have 100% pure grade trash just like us. Let’s meet the Islanders.
Grace: I’m Grace. I’m 22 in Liverpool. Yes. But if I were in the states, I’d be 41.
Bella Rosa: I’m Bella Rosa from Essex. My dad is a boxer and my mom is a pub. Just got my lips done. I asked the doctor for an allergic reaction.
Charlie: Hello, I’m Charlie. I’m from murder suicide, England. I’ve got two more years for my face to catch up to my liver.
Siobhan: I’m from part of Ireland where the soil is bones.
Finlay: Call me Finlay. I’m from Scotland but I’m also Italian. So, my father is basically the scariest guy you’ve seen in your life.
Chris: I’m just looking for a lady, like a cheap one, for the rest of my life.
Mackenzie: They call me Mackenzie. And I’m looking for the perfect guy, because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me.
Announcer: Watch the hottest people from the worst towns immediately couple up with someone based on nothing.
[Cut to Bella Rosa]
Bella Rosa: I would like to couple up with a guy who’s exactly my type on paper. He’s got tattoos. He’s got really great banter. He’s proper fit. But at the same time, I would go with anybody. So, you.
Chris: Hi.
Bella Rosa: Oh. You’ve got great hair.
Announcer: You’ve heard an English accent. You’ve heard an Irish accent. Now, hear all the little weirdies in between.
[Cut to Grace]
Grace: [In strong accent] He crackin’ on with her, and I’m like, I’m getting proper pied off.
[Cut to Finlay]
Finlay: [In strong accent] Aye, I’m straight scunnert with the jobbies.
Mackenzie: What?
Announcer: That’s right, they don’t even understand each other. Tune in as they face challenges like getting up from a beanbag. [Cut to Mackenzie struggling to get up from a beanbag]
You will watch 50 hours of this. You think you won’t, but you will.
[Cut to Grace]
Grace: I’m really looking forward to sleeping with all my new friends. And I might even get in the Wee cuddle.
[Cut to Mackenzie]
Mackenzie: It was awful to watch.
Announcer: You’ll invest in vulnerable moments like when the girls take their makeup off.
[Cut to Mackenzie and Sioban]
Sioban: You know, I put so much bronzer on I think I might be dong brownface. Is this a hate crime?
Mackenzie: That’s not bad, is it? Look really different without me make up on ‘cause of the contour.
[Cut to Sioban]
Sioban: She’s a really nice girl, but I think her face might be a thong.
Mackenzie: What?
Announcer: At any point someone may be forced to leave the villa and turn in their giant microphone.
[Cut to Finlay]
Finlay: This bird and I got great crack. She’s got a great personality. But mostly of all the girls here, she wore the smallest bikini. For a person I would like to couple up – Grace.
[Cut to Grace and Bella Rosa]
Bella Rosa: I knew it, I knew it. I knew it.
[Cut to Mackenzie]
Mackenzie: You’re my best friend in the world.
[Cut to Bella Rosa]
Bella Rosa: Hopping spit in my face. I’m absolutely gutted. [phone chimes] are you joking? 10 million instagram followers. I don’t have to be a stupid prediatric nurse anymore, do I? Cha-ching.
Announcer: Love Island now available on Hulu. We got this, and “The Handmaid’s Tale”.
