Rudulfo… Idris Elba
Sheila… Leslie Jones
Clarence… Kenan Thompson
Rudulfo: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I am great Rudulfo. Welcome to a world where impossible is quite possible. My usual assistant won’t be joining us tonight. She called in pregnant. She told me she wasn’t even dating, so how did that happen? Magic. Okay, luckily the manager of the casino said his wife would be willing [Cut to the Clarence nodding his head] to fill as she was pretty much the same size. [Cut to Rudulfo] Let’s all meet her. Please welcome, Sheila.[Sheila walks in]
Rudulfo: What the–? [Shocked looking at her size. She is too big.]
Sheila: I’m here, master.
Rudulfo: Oh, no, you don’t have to call me master. Wow, you look lovely.
Sheila: Thank you, [Cut to Sheila] I put on your assistant’s costume. I guess we’re both size two. I was destined to be your assistant.[Cut to Clarence clapping]
Clarence: That’s right, baby. You can do anything, go ahead, baby.[Cut to Sheila]
Sheila: Thank you Clarence. That’s my husband. He’s old, but he knows how to handle a real woman.[Cut to Clarence clapping]
Clarence: That’s right, baby, you going to be great, baby.[Cut to Rudulfo and Sheila]
Rudulfo: No doubt. But a lot of my illusions have been custom made for my previous assistance.[Cut to Sheila]
Sheila: I ain’t worried about that, let’s do some magic.[Cut to Rudulfo and Sheila]
Rudulfo: Okay, let’s get started with the first trick. Behold, a box from ancient Egypt. My lovely assistant would step inside.[Rudulfo opens the box and Sheila tries to get inside]
Sheila: Yes, master.[Sheila is struggling to enter because she is too big]
Rudulfo: Okay, get your head in there.
Sheila: Hold on a second.
Rudulfo: Okay? Okay, breathe in a little.[Rudulfo closes the door]
Sheila: Okay. I got it.
Clarence: You got this, baby?[Rudulfo brings a sword]
Rudulfo: Ancient law has it that no blade shall touch the pure of heart. Sheila, are you ready?
Sheila: Yes, I am, master.
Rudulfo: Is your back arched like a graceful swan.
Sheila: No, it is not. But let’s do this.
Rudulfo: Okay. [Piercing the box with the sword] Shaka-laka–
Rudulfo: Okay, that’s enough of that.[Cut to Clarence]
Clarence: No, no, no, she can handle it. Stick the sword in there.[Cut to Rudulfo and Sheila]
Rudulfo: Okay. [Piercing the box with the sword] Shaka–
Rudulfo: Okay, that’s enough.[Rudulfo opens the door] [Sheila comes out of the box with lot of blood but still happy]
Sheila: The great Rudolfo, everyone. Would you like to levitate me now, master?
Rudulfo: No, perhaps we should postpone the show.
Sheila: No, come on, I can do this.[Cut to Clarence]
Clarence: Yeah, she’s right, let her do stuff.[Cut to Rudulfo and Sheila]
Rudulfo: Very well, for our finale tonight, behold, the water tank of death. You, sir.[Cut to Clarence]
Clarence: Come on baby, you got this, just like that time you fell in the tub.[Cut to Rudulfo and Sheila]
Rudulfo: Sir, come up here and put these handcuffs on me.[Cut to Clarence]
Clarence: Oh, absolutely.
Rudulfo: Now, [Cut to Rudulfo and Sheila] the average man can hold their breath for two minutes, with my arms shackled. I have 120 seconds to release my assistant before the water becomes a watery tomb.
Clarence: This is what I’m talking about.
Rudulfo: When you are ready, descend into the tank.
Sheila: I will descend into the tank now master.
Rudulfo: Start the clock.[Sheila doesn’t want to get in the tub because of cold water]
Sheila: Wait a minute, they do this every night.
Rudulfo: I’m having trouble with my chain. Is my assistant inside?
Sheila: Almost here, master. Okay. Save me Rudolfo.[Sheila slowly gets inside the water tank, but she doesn’t even drown in the tank because she’s too big]
Clarence: You’re supposed to put your head under the water.
Sheila: I did, shut up.
Clarence: Hey, man, what is going on here? [Cut to Rudulfo and Clarence] I paid you good money to kill my wife.
Rudulfo: I’m trying to, man. But she’s not making it easy.[Cut to the stage with everybody]
Clarence: You’re damn right, she don’t make nothing easy. I brought this just in case. [Clarance brings a hairdryer]
Rudulfo: Where are you going?
Clarence: Yeah, that’s right, baby. Let me help you out.
Clarence: Hold this. I’m going to find a plug and plug it in. Here you go.