Randy… Mikey Day
Chris Redd
Laurie… Melissa Villaseñor
Dad… Beck Bennett
Mom… Halsey
[Starts with Randy and his clients Chris and Laurie. Randy is explaining the office structure to his clients]Randy: So, here is your office space layout. You’ll see, we kept these structural columns here. We thought it added some interest to he space, kept it from looking like a cookie cutter office building.
[Cut to Chris and Laurie]Chris: All with the new. I like that.
Laurie: This is the common space.
Randy: Yeah. [Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie] [ Randy’s phone starts vibrating] It’s– so sorry. Why are my parents calling?
Chris: Oh, you can go ahead and take that.
Randy: I am so sorry. Hello?
[Cut to split screen. Randy at the left, mom and dad at the right.]Dad: Oh, hey Randy. How are you?
Mom: Hi, honey. How’s everything?
Randy: Mom, you guys are both there. What’s going on?
Dad: Oh, nothing. We just wanted to know if you liked that new grill we got you. We have the same one and we love it.
Randy: Cool. I’m actually at work right now.
Dad: Oh, you’re at work?
Mom: He’s at work–
Dad: Oh, don’t tell him about it.
Mom: It’s okay. Don’t tell him.
Dad: Yes, we won’t tell him.
Randy: Tell me what? You guys have something important to tell me?
Dad: Oh, no, no, we’ll tell you later. You’re at work.
Mom: Sorry, you’re at work.
Randy: No, no, guys. What is it?
Dad: Oh, it’s nothing at all. I shattered all the bones in my leg. Love you. [Dad hangs up the phone] [Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]
Randy: Hello?
Chris: Is everything okay.
Randy: Do you guys mind if I call them back. I think my dad, like, broke his leg or something.
Laurie: Oh, of course.
Randy: Yeah. I’m so sorry.
[Randy calls his parents back] [Cut to split screen. Randy at the left, mom and dad at the right.]Mom: Hello.
Randy: Hey, mom.
Dad: Oh, Randy! This is a surprise. Did you get out of work early.
Randy: No, you just said your legs were shattered?
Dad: Oh, come on buddy? It’s nothing. I was hot doggin’ at the club, rolled the golf cart and it pancaked my legs. Broke all the bones.
Mom: Pancaked them.
Dad: Yeah, but it’s not that big of a deal at all. I’m fine. We shouldn’t have called at all. God, you’re starting to piss me off.
Mom: Get back.
Randy: Dad, are you okay?
Dad: How should I know? I refused medical care at the scene. When your mother had to go last week, they charged us 5 grand for an IV.
Mom: Highway robbery.
Randy: Wait, what happened to mom?
Mom: Nothing. So you never told us. How’s that new grill?
Randy: I don’t care about the stupid grill, mom.
Dad: Oh, stupid. Oh, we’re sorry. The grill we bought you is such a dumb ass. And you know, your mother didn’t want me to tell you, but she got shot. [Dad hangs up the phone] [Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]
Randy: What? Oh, my god. I’m so sorry. I think my mom got shot. If you guys want to reschedule?
Chris: No, no, no. Call them back.
Laurie: And you can put them on speaker?
Chris: Yeah, I feel like we are a part of this now.
Randy: Yeah.
[Cut to Mom and Dad. Mom’s both hands are plastered. The phone rings] [Cut to split screen. Randy at the left, mom and dad at the right.]Dad: Hello?
Randy: Dad?
Dad: Oh, Randy! You’re home.
Randy: No. I’m still at work. Mom, were you shot?
[Cut to Mom and Dad]Mom: Yes, Randy. Don’t make it a big deal. I was on a jog in the woods and I ran through a shooting range. Took five bullets to my thigh. Now, I see on Facebook you are seeing someone?
[Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]Randy: Mom. Stop changing the subject.
Dad: Oh, right. Okay. [Cut to Mom and Dad] How dare your mother take an interest in her son’s love life?
Mom: She’s beautiful.
Dad: Yeah. She’s almost as silly as that little idiot grill.
[Cut to Randy]Randy: Okay, guys, should I fly out?
[Cut to Mom and Dad]Mom: No, no. We do not need an extra set of hands around the house.
Dad: Yes, we have mine even though you mother’s are completely ruined.
[Cut to Randy]Randy: Wait, did you say mom’s hands are ruined?
[Cut to Mom and Dad]Dad: Yes, Randy. She ruined her hands in the fall.
[Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]Chris: Ask her what fall.
Randy: I’m going to.
Chris: Okay.
Randy: What fall?
[Cut to Mom and Dad]Mom: My fall, through the hole.
[Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]Randy: Okay, what hole?
[Cut to Mom and Dad]Dad: Randy! The hole in the middle of our house. She fell through it. She braced her fall with her hands and they snapped right off.
Mom: And then they snapped them back.
Dad: What is it you don’t understand? I can’t do it with him.
Mom: He’s pissing me off.
Dad: He’s pissing me off. [Dad stands up with his crutches and starts walking behind] [Cut to Randy, Chris, and Laurie]
Laurie: Hi, sir. This is Laurie. Your son’s client. Why is there a hole in your house?
[Cut to Mom and Dad]Dad: Well, because Laurie, we were installing an elevator because of all the leg mishaps recently.
[Cut to Randy]Randy: So, why is there not an elevator where the hole is?
[Cut to Mom and Dad. They are annoyed.]Dad: Think, Randy. Because we changed our mind! All right?
Mom: God, this kid!
Dad: I can handle myself on the stairs just fine. [Door bell rings] I’ll get it.
Mom: You get it.
Dad: [Dad falls off the stiars] Oh, no! My legs! My face! My body is completely pan-caked!
[Cut to Randy]Randy: Um, okay, you guys. I am going to fly out there first thing tomorrow morning.
[Cut to Mom]Mom: Oh, good. You can meet Roger. He’s living with us now.
[Cut to Randy]Randy: Okay, Roger? Who is Roger?
[Cut to Mom]Mom: Oh, Roger is your identical twin brother we gave up for adoption at birth. Love you. [Mom hangs up the phone]
