Aidy Bryant
Mikey Day
Cecily Strong
Mr. B… Will Ferrell
Chloe Fineman
[Starts with Aidy at the door talking to her kids]
Aidy: Your dad and I will be back on Sunday. Remember, no parties.
Kids: We promise!
[horn honking]
Aidy: Damn it, Ronald. I’m coming.
[Cut to Jack and Cecily]
Both: It’s on!
[Music video starts]
Cecily: Whip out the phone starts sending texts
our parents are gone you know what happens next
Jack: Having a party should be cool
[door bell ringing]
Cecily: Who’s here?
Jack: The entire school
[everybody are getting in the house]
Jack: Everybody came the jocks and the geeks
popular girls the goths and the freaks
Cecily: Class clown crushing beer
Jack: He is losing
Cecily: Nerds playing beer pong
Jack: He is losing
Cecily: The quarterback’s here that’s hella lit
glad you came through
Alex: Party’s legit!
Cecily: Stoner kids rolling up a stick as blunt
Jack: Sitting on the couch is my AP English teacher?
[Cut to AP English teacher on the couch with a drink]
Cecily: Cause we’re having a pa-a-arty
hella fun
pa-a-arty
why’d your teacher come?
pa-a-arty
it’s kind of weird right?
party at my house tonight
party popping up that’s how it goes
Jack: through Mr. B’s looking at my family photos
nursing a beer as he tours my home
Mr. B: Hey Jack, was this taken in Rome?
Jack: Yo, sis, Mr. B came
Cecily: I know he did. Why is he here? He’s got a wife and a kid
Jack: Is he creeping on girls?
Cecily: No he’s being polite.
Jack: Then why the is he here?
Cecily: Just chill, all right?
he ain’t doing no harm don’t pay him attention
Jack: It’s just weird that he’s here watching Shawshank Redemption
Mr. B.: Andy Dufresne.
Jack: Midnight comes and the party’s still packed
cute Sophomore says–
Chloe: There you are Jack,
want to chill in your room? Party’s kind of loud
Jack: Mr. B’s with the vape rats
Mr. B.: Yeah, great cloud
Chloe: Show me your room
Jack: Yo, he’s drinking a bunch
Mr. B.: The cloud smells amazing
is that captain crunch?
Cecily: Mr. B’s having the time of his life
Jack: ‘Til he gets a call, must be his wife
Cecily: He ignores the call, stares off into space
twirls his wedding ring, black look on his face
Jack: He’s going through some stuff
Cecily: Mid life crisis?
Jack: Nah! Deeper than that.
Cecily: It’s none of our business
cause we’re having a pa-a-arty
giving into me
pa-a-arty
looking at himself
pa-a-arty
who have I become?
party at my house tonight
Jack: 3 am. Night’s coming to an end
Cecily: time to say good-bye to all our friends
Alex: Party was epic
Chris: Party’s the best
Chloe: Maybe check on Mr. B though
Jack: He hasn’t left?
[Cut to Mr. B. drinking on alone.]
heading home Mr. B?
Mr. B.: Hey there Zack
God I miss high school wish I could go back
Jack: Ha-ha, that’s cool.
Cecily: Can we call you a lyft?
Mr. B.: It goes by fast, cherish it.
Jack: Well, you should probably roll if you know what I mean
Mr. B.: I’d kill my own mother for a time machine
Cecily: Okay, well–
Mr. B.: Promise me guys you’ll just be alive.
While you’re young and alive.
Jack: Right.
Mr. B.: Sleep with everyone.
You’re only young once. Make it fun. [Mr. B. opens another can]
Cecily: Oh, you’re having one more?
Mr. B.: Yeah. [finishes the drink in one shot] Great party.
Jack: Hold up, Mr. B, are you good to drive?
Mr. B.: Not even close, but I got a ride.
[Mr. B. opens the door. His wife is outside.]
Mrs. B.: It is 3 in the morning, Richard.
Mr. B.: I’m sorry.
Mrs. B.: What is going on with you lately?
Mr. B.: I don’t know, okay?
Cecily: Party at my house tonight.
