Peter, Paula & Murray

5
(2)

Alex Moffat

Peter… David Harbour

Paula…

Murray…

[Starts with Fold of the Past intro]

Announcer: We now return to “Folk of the past” with look back at this 1962 performance of the “The Bob Rodgers Show.”

[Cut to Alex Moffat]

Alex Moffat: Thank you. Thank you. And welcome back to the show. Tonight’s sponsor is Green Jell-o. It’s a vegetable. Now for my comedy monologue. My ugly wife shops too much.

[Cut to the audience whooping] [Cut to Alex Moffat]

All right. I’d like to give a warm welcome to our next act, a folk trio that’s been sweeping the nation with their chart-toping lullabies about life. Put your hands together for Peter, Paula and Murray!

[Cheers and applause] [Cut to Peter, Paula and Murray]

Peter: Hi, everyone. Did you know that over the course of our lives we spend 38 days brushing our teeth?

Paula: We spend 48 days making love, and three full years sitting in traffic.

Murray: We each have one life to live on this earth, and we measure it in numbers. And that’s why we wrote this song.

Paula:  I spent, one, two, three years
curling my hair that’s already curly

Murray:  Three years thinking I look good in hats

Peter: Four years begging god to make my penis bigger

Peter, Paula and Murray: Five long years waiting for you

Paula: I spent one, two, three years
hiding from people I don’t want to talk to

Murray: Three years thinking Maine was a town in Vermont

Peter: Four years trying to hold in my farts in public

Peter, Paula and Murray: Five long years waiting for you

Peter: You know, on this musical tour, we’ve driven 500 miles and stayed in 82 hotels.

Paula: I drive our folk bus at 15 miles per hour on the highway. And I’ve gotten 200 parking tickets.

Murray:  Last night I saw five shooting stars, and I slept with a man 32 years my senior.

Paula: I’ve spent one, two, three years
wondering if my close friends hate me

Murray: Three years pretending to be French, bonjoure,

Peter: Four years with a goatee that said I’m a virgin magician

Peter, Paula and Murray: Five long years waiting for you

Paula: I spent $1,000 on the cat
that scratched me right in my cornea

Murray: $2,000 on a pontoon boat that led to a divorce

Peter: $3,000 on a fine for showing my junk at a little league game

Peter: More or less dollars
looking for my last view

Paula: I’ve spent one, two years
eating pizza in the dark like there was a gun to my head

Murray: Three years changing the diapers of a kid emancipated from me

Peter: Four years pretending to be sick while I was in the army

Peter, Paula and Murray: Five long years waiting for you

Peter: Our group has been together two decades. We’ve lost four additional members to cults and orthodox religions.

Paula: We’ve spent so much time together in the van we share everything. Hair brushes, hats, head lice.

Murray: I dated Peter for 12 years and I kissed her once. But I still think about it every day.

Paula: Me, too.

Peter: Me, too.

Paula: I spent eight, nine, ten years
married to the first man who used his mouth

Murray: 15 years taking birth control to have sex with no one

Peter: 18 years raising a son who does stand-up about my painting

Peter, Paula and Murray: Five long years

Paula: I’ve spent one, two, three weeks
wearing a tampon I forgot I had in there

Murray: Ten years with a dog that turned out to be a rat

Peter: 12 hours standing on abridge saying “Do it you coward”

Peter, Paula and Murray: Five long years waiting for you

Paula: I spent one, two, three years
having dinner with my family

Murray: 100 days laughing and 200 waiting in line

Peter: Five years imagining a threesome with my band mates

Peter, Paula and Murray: Five long years waiting for.. five long years
All my years waiting for you

[Cheers and applause]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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