Beck Bennett
Idris Elba
Bryan… Alex Moffat
Diane… Leslie Jones
Kevin… Chris Redd
Crystal… Heidi Gardner
Henriette… Aidy Bryant
Nan… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with a presentation between staff members]
Beck Bennett: Okay, team, sales core industries.
Idris Elba: And on behalf of Microsoft, we want to thank you for letting us help your brush up on your Powerpoint skills.
Beck Bennett: Yes, we asked you to pair up and create a mock Powerpoint presentation. We have [Cut to Bryan and Diane] Bryan and Diane from sales. [Cut to Kevin and Crystal] Kevin and Crystal from market research. And, of course, [Cut to Henriette and Nan] Henriette and Nan, our fun receptionist.
Henriette: We don’t even use computers, just use the phone. So, we’ll see.
Nan: Hopefully our natural charm carried us through.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Idris Elba: I’m sure you did great. Let’s see everyone’s first slide. [Cut to Bryan and Diane’s presentation] Oh, wow! Great use of bullet points.
[Cut to Bryan and Diane]
Bryan: Well, what can I say, we make a great team.
Diane: Did we tell you we’re dating?
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: A couple of times. Yes. How about you two. [Cut to Kevin and Crystal’s presentation] Okay, a nice border here.
[Cut to Kevin and Crystal]
Kevin: Market research bringing our A-game.
Crystal: Whoop-whoop.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Idris Elba: Whoop-whoop, it’s right. And, Henrietta and Nan.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan’s presentation. There’s nothing but random boxes.]
Beck Bennett: Okay. You know what, little trouble there. No worries.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan crying]
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Idris Elba: Hey, ladies, don’t cry. You did a great job. You’re definitely communicating something.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Henriette: We’re so sorry.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: What do you think happened?
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Nan: I didn’t even know where to start.
Henriette: This is not my world.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Idris Elba: That’s okay, ladies, it’s just a practice.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Henriette: We just kept clicking on what I believe are called Digifiles. And strange things started happening.
Nan: We made trash sir.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Okay, you know what? Why don’t we just focus on your presentation and see where we can help.
Idris Elba: Is that okay with everybody else?
[Cut to everyone agreeing]
Bryan: Absolutely. Sure.
Diane: Yeah, I got to see this.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: Awesome. Well, we asked you to make some slides about things you’re passionate about. So, Henreitta and Nan, let’s check these out. [Cut to slide that says ‘Corn bread’] Corn bread. All right. And you crossed it out.
[Cut to slide that says king a lot of times, carole and there’s a picture of Wayne Brady]
Idris Elba: Okay, it looks like Carole King and I see a small Wayne Brady in the corner.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Nan: But that was already there.
Henriette: Yeah, we actually tried to get rid of him.
Nan: I’m frustrated.
Henriette: Yeah, and now honestly, I’m at the point in my life where I feel that I can’t learn.
Nan: We’re going to be fired and slapped.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: Okay. That is not going to happen. This is an optional workshop. Next, we asked you to try using a graph of your choice. [Cut to slide that has a picture of a clock] And it looks like you put a clock on a shelf.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Nan: Oh, we fixed it in the next one.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Idris Elba: Oh, yes. [The next slide has two clocks] Now there’s two clocks.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Henriette: Yes, that’s right. There’s one for each of us.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: All right, moving on. A boy with a speaker in his eye.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Henriette: We thought we could make a music video. We were so arrogant.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Idris Elba: That’s okay. You aimed high, let’s see where you landed. The word undo and a picture of knives.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Henriette: We were trying to undo.
Nan: We kept hitting undo.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: And you added more knives.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Henriette: I’m a total simple turd.
Nan: I’m an idiot bitch.
Henriette: My husband has to tie my shoes in the morning.
Nan: I only went to preschool.
Henriette: I tripped in church and I showed my ass.
Nan: Once I couldn’t figure out how to turn off my radio, so I poured water on it, and I blew up my house.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Idris Elba: Ladies you don’t need to do this.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Henriette: No, I’m not done. I am not diligent about brushing my teeth. I don’t do it every day or whatever.
Nan: And I wipe as best I can, but there’s always more.
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: Oh, my god. Stop. Just stop.
Idris Elba: That is enough.
[Cut to Bryan, Diane, Kevin and Crystal]
Kevin: I mean we can’t unhear that.
Diane: Whatever? There’s always more?
[Cut to Idris and Beck]
Beck Bennett: All right, I’m just going to go ahead and say we’re done.
Idris Elba: Yeah, yeah. On behalf of Microsoft, we can say that you could stay on the phones and so you never have to use Powerpoint again.
[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]
Henriette: Oh, thank god.
Nan: Not in a million years.
[Cut to everybody]
Diane: And bitch, brush your teeth.
