Rectix | Season 44 Episode 19

Mom… Aidy Bryant

Emily… Heidy Gardner

Beck Bennett

Dad… Adam Sandler

[Starts with a family sitting on a veranda]

Mom: We are going to get some lemonade so you two behave.

Son:  Okay.

[Mom and Emily leave] [Cut to Dad]

Dad: Well, I’ll tell you that Emily is great. Your mom and I really like her.

[Cut to Son]

Son: Thanks, Pop.

[Son looks disappointed] [Cut to Dad]

Dad: Something on your mind, son?

[Cut to Son]

Son: Actually, yeah. I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but lately I’ve been having a little trouble performing.

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: You mean erectile dysfunction?

[Cut to Son]

Son: Has it ever happened to you?

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: Sure has. It happened to me a lot. [Cut to Son agreeing] [Cut to Dad]

But then I found out about new Rectix. [Dad takes a huge pill out] [Cut to Son]

Son: Whoa, that pill is massive, how do you even swallow that thing?

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: Ha-ha, you don’t swallow it son. You insert it like an suppository and trust me, it works.

[Cut to Son]

Son: So you put that thing—

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: Rectix isn’t like ordinary pills. It has a hard 5 inch capsule when placed into your rectum can stop erectile dysfunction dead in it’s tracks.

[Cut to Son]

Son: And it just dissolves up there?

Dad: No, no, [Cut to Dad and son] that’s the best part, son. It stays put for as long as you need it to work. It even comes with an attached loop [Cut to Dad showing the loop of Rectix] so you can retrieve it when you’re through.

[Cut to Son]

Son: So, it’s a butt plug.

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: A what? No. It’s a pill.

Narrator: Rectix. The all natural, fast-acting male enhancement pill.

[Cut to Son]

Son: Dad, does mom know about this?

[Cut to Mom coming out with lemonades]

Mom: Well, it was actually my idea. I was afraid your dad would never get an erection ever again.

[Cut to Dad and Mom]

Dad: One night your mother said to me, “Lay back, let’s try something.”

[Cut to Son]

Son: I really shouldn’t be hearing this.

[Cut to Dad and Mom]

Dad: Oh, I was skeptical too, son. I remember asking, “What the hell are you doing back there?”

[Cut to Mom]

Mom: And I told him, “Just relax and breathe.”

[Cut to Dad and Mom]

Dad: So I said, “What is that, like a pill or something?”

Mom: And I said, “Sure.”

Dad: And it worked. Immediately.

[Cut to Son]

Son: Okay, I got it, dad.

[Cut to Dad and Mom]

Dad: I tried other methods.

[Cut to Mom]

Mom: But none of those things worked like Rectix vibrating pills.

[Cut to Son]

Son: Wait, so it vibrates too?

[Cut to Mom]

Mom: Of course it does. What did you think? That it doesn’t?

[Cut to Son]

Son: Yeah.

[Cut to Dad and Mom]

Dad: Well, it does. You know what, son, why don’t you borrow mine?

[Cut to Son]

Son: Ew, no.

[Cut to Mom]

Mom: Relax, honey, it’s clean. Every prescription of Rectix is 100% dishwasher safe.

[Cut to Son]

Son: You put that thing in the dishwasher? Stop calling it a prescription. It’s a butt plug.

[Cut to Dad and Mom]

Dad: It’s a pill.

Mom: It’s a pill.

[Emily comes out with a lemonade for herself]

Emily: Umm, this lemonade is amazing.

[Son slaps the glass out of Emily’s hand]

Son: Don’t put your mouth on that!

[Cut to Rectix precaution video]

Narrator: Side effects might include slight discomfort, extreme discomfort and shift in couple’s power dynamics.

[Cut to Dad and Mom]

Mom: Honey, what’s gotten into you?

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: Rectix.

[Cut to Son]

Son: Oh, my god.

Dad: It’s a pill.

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