Bill… Mikey Day
Wife… Heidi Gardner
Roach Don… Don Cheadie
Roach Kyle… Kyle Mooney
[Starts with a clip of a house][Cut to a family sitting in living room, Bill, his wife and his son]Narrator: We are Roach-Ex now. [Doorbell rings] There’s nothing worse than unexpected [Bill opens the door] house guests. [Roach Don and Roach Kyle are outside the door]
Roach Don: Home sweet home.
[Roaches get in comfortably]Narrator: Especially roaches.
Roach Kyle: Nice place!
[Cut to Bill outside his toilet] [Roach Kyle comes out]Narrator: They always make their presence felt.
Roach Kyle: Give it a minute.
Narrator: And once roaches move in—
[Bill turns on the light. The Roaches are making mess at the dining table.]Roach Don: Hey, knock it off with the light, huh?
Narrator: They make themselves right at home.
[Cut to Roach Don is between Bill and his wife watching TV]Roach Don: Ha-ha! He won’t actually say anything.
[Cut to Roach Don puts his hand on Bill’s wife’s knee and Bill notices it]Narrator: And before you know it, [Cut to Bill opens curtain to see Roach Don, his wife and his son getting along outside the house] they’re practically part of the family.
[Cut to Bill getting inside the house]Because when it comes to roaches —
Bill: Hello?
Narrator: Let’s face it.
[Cut to Bill walking up stairs]Bill: Hun?
Narrator: What’s yours – is theirs. [Bill opens the bedroom door and finds his wife and Roach Don having sex] [Cut to Bill meets Roach Don at the hall way]
Bill: You had sex with my wife.
Roach Don: Somebody had to.
[Roach Don pats Bills shoulder and leaves] [Cut to Bill’s wife in bed smoking a cigarette]Bill: That’s not good.
Roach Don: Oh, Bill, perfect timing. We’re running a little low on snacks, buddy.
[Bill takes out a Roach-Ex Plus spray] [Cut to Bill’s wife]Bill’s Wife: Bill? Bill, you’re drunk.
[Cut to Bill]Bill: Shut up!
[Cut to Roach Kyle. He sees the Roach-Ex Plus spray and hides away] [Cut to Bill with his spray and a bottle of whiskey drinking]Roach Don: Well, well, well. [Cut Roach Don walks to Bill] A big man’s got himself a can of Roach-Ex Plus. What are you going to do with it, Bill? Are you going to spray me?
Bill: Shut up.
[Cut to Roach Don]Roach Don: Well, spray me, Bill. Go ahead, do it. [Bill’s hand is shivering] You know what, I’ll give you a little help. [Roach Don puts is head to the spray] [Cut to Bill]
Bill: You’re crazy?
Roach Don: That’s right, I’m crazy, Bill. [Cut to Bill’s wife scared] Get me out of your house, you just got to push the nozzle. Do it.
[Cut to Bill]Bill: I’ll do it.
[Roach Don]Roach Don: Do it, Bill. Spray me. Do it!
Bill: I will!
[Roach Don]Roach Don: Ha-ha. You can’t do it, can you, Bill? You know why? Because you’re not a man. You’re nothing but a—Ahh!
[Bill’s son sprayed the Roach-Ex Plus on Roach Don][Roach Don falls to the ground and starts to shiver, and slowly dies]Bill’s Wife: No! No! No!
Narrator: So send roaches an eviction notice with Roach-Ex Plus roach killer. Roaches don’t stand a chance.
