Waiter… Chris Redd
Ring… Kyle Mooney
Mac… Mikey Day
Ron Bacon… Kenan Thompson
Janet Sandler Bacon… Aidy Bryant
Bobby… Melissa Villaseñor
Chubbs… Leslie Jones
Mom… Kristen Wiig
Dad… Jimmy Fallon[Starts with Waiter serving beer to Adam]
Waiter: Here’s your Heineken, Mr. Sandler.
Adam Sandler: Cool.
Waiter: [In Billi Madison voice] So cold! Do you want to drink tiny? Like Billy Madison.
Adam Sandler: I got that, that’s very funny.
Waiter: If you don’t mind me asking, how do you come up with all your characters and stuff?
Adam Sandler: I don’t know, I think they just kind of come to me.
Waiter: That’s kind of a lame answer, all right. Enjoy your reunion.
Adam Sandler: Yeah, there’s lots of Sandlers here, it’s a sandstorm.
Waiter: All right.[Waiter leaves] [Ring and Mac joins Adam]
Ring: Hello, Mr. Hollywood big shot.
Adam Sandler: It’s cousin Ring, cousin Mac, good to see you.[Cut to Ring and Mac]
Ring: Yes sir. Habito-poo-poo!
Adam Sandler: Habito-yahoo![Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]
Mac: Adam, I was so excited when I heard you were coming, I was like, “Habito-woo-hoo!”
Adam Sandler: I don’ know. It’s been forever. How have you guys been?[Cut to Ring and Mac]
Ring: Trying to get my real estate license now. Who knows, we shall see-hoo![Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]
Adam Sandler: Great! Good luck.
Mac: As for me, [Cut to Ring and Mac] I got a– got-a-divorce. Very messy.
Ring: She was screwing his best friend.
Mac: Ha-ha. Shut up!
Ring: You shut up![Cut to Adam]
Adam Sandler: Shut up! Come on! There’s kids here. Oh, my god, is that my nephew Shawn? He’s still at the kids’ table.
Shawn: What’s wrong? Want some McDonald’s? Will somebody get this kid a happy meal?[Cut to Pete with a mic announcing]
Pete: Excuse me. May I have everyone’s attention, please. Hello, Sandlers.[Cut to everybody]
Pete: I just wanted to say, big hand for Ron Bacon and Janet Sandler Bacon for planning this whole thing.[Cut to Janet and Ron]
Janet Sandler Bacon: Our pleasure. A-habida-dibada-doo!
Ron Bacon: Yes, yes. You know, I’m still not great at this, you all are doing an little invisible Clarinet thing. Is that what it is? It doesn’t matter. Slibida-bib-bap![Cut to Pete]
Pete: We’re so happy to have cousin Adam this year. Watch what you say about him because you might end up in one of his movies.[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]
Adam Sandler: What? I don’t use your guys for material.[Cut to Bobby]
Bobby: I don’t know about that, Adam. Because now I saw a movie where you picked someone who looked just like me. I seen that on the big ‘ol screen and said, “Hey, that’s me up there”.[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]
Adam Sandler: No, I promise you, Bobby, Bouchet is not based on you.[Cut to Bobby]
Bobby: I know that, dear, I was talking about the Big Daddy movie.[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]
Adam Sandler: Not that either. I can promise you.[Cut to Chubbs]
Chubbs: I know Happy Gilmore, the Chubbs was based on me. How do I know this? A, my first name is Chubbs. B, I have a fake hand. And C, I’m a golf instructor. It’s all in the hips. You stole that from me.[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]
Adam Sandler: All right, maybe a borrowed some stuff from you guys. I swear to you, I didn’t do that a lot.[Cut to Pete]
Pete: Yes, sure you didn’t. Everybody’s enjoying the party.[Beck joins Pete]
Beck Bennett: Hey, Excuse me. Are we going to do the karaoke now?
Pete: Oh, no! The Karaoke is canceled.
Beck Bennett: Oh, okay. Cool. Once again, something that could have been brought to my attention yesterday.[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]
Adam Sandler: I’m going to go say hi to my mother, wish me luck. [Adam walks to his mom] Hi ma, great to see you. What do you think of the reunion? This is a whole family–
Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.
Adam Sandler: They’re not laughing, they love me.
Adam Sandler: Come on, ma, be nice.
Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.
Adam Sandler: No!
Adam Sandler: Ma, stop.
Adam Sandler: Shut up!
Dad: Why don’t you shut up.[Dad comes in]
Adam Sandler: Papa. How are you doing?
Dad: [Speaking things that’s not understandable, but Adam Sandler is understand]
Adam Sandler: Oh!
Dad: That’s right, but the doctor says it’s nothing to worry about.
Adam Sandler: Oh, good.
Dad: How about I sing the Sandler family song. I wrote it 70 years ago.
Adam Sandler: No, nobody wants to hear that. I wouldn’t want to do that. And nobody wants to hear that.
Dad: I just want to. I would be great if I did that.
Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Adam Sandler: I agree with mother. Let’s take a picture. Yo, come on, Colbert. Snap us. [Cut to everybody getting together for a family picture] Everyone get in. Okay. Come on. Stop looking at me. Shawn. Come on, take the picture. Take it. Ready? One, two, three.