Nana… David Harbour
Marco… Kate McKinnon[Starts with three grandchildren visiting their grandparents]
Melissa: Nana, papa, we’re here.
Kyle: Where are they?
Cecily: Oh, my god. Nana’s sauce smells so good.[Cut to Nana and Marco entering the room]
Nana: Oh! Amore! Grandchildren. I never see you. You always in school. I’m so happy you’re here! [Nana hugs her grandchildren] Oh! Come in. Give your grandma a hug. I’m making sauce for you, ah? [Nana looks at Marco] Hey! Marco! What are you doing at the sauce spot? Stay away from my sauce.
Marco: I just think it needs to be a little more thick. You know? You don’t want a runny sauce. It’ll run all over the noodles. The noodles go in the sauce.[Cut to Marco and Nana.]
Nana: What do you put in there?
Marco: I put parmesan.
Nana: [Looking at her grandchildren] You see what I put up with? Huh?[Cut to Marco]
Marco: She put up with that because she like the way I make love to her. Short and slow.[Cut to grandchildren]
Kyle: Hey grandpa, good to see ya.
Marco: I’m not. I’m not. I can’t resist this woman. Her kiss is like a fine wine. The older she gets the better they taste.[Cut to grandchildren]
Cecily: Yeah. We get it, that’s sweet to know.
Kyle: Is it? Yeah, it is.
Melissa: Anyway, you guys, the sauce smells great.[Cut to Marco and Nana.]
Nana: Oh, thank you. I’ve been working on it all day.
Marco: It smell a little thin to me.
Nana: Marco! Get away from the sauce. Get your body away from the sauce!
Marco: Get my what away from the sauce?
Nana: I think you heard me. Your body.[Cut to Marco]
Marco: Oh, you’re thinking about my body? Is that what you say? Then get ready for it because it’s crazy for you right now.
Nana: Oh, get off me, old man. The grandchildren, no! They’re going to see we all sex 24/7.[Cut to grandchildren]
Cecily: No, we don’t think that. We don’t want to think that.
Kyle: Yeah. The sauce is maybe almost ready.
Melissa: Smells like it could almost be ready.[Cut to Marco and Nana.]
Nana: Oh! You’re right. You’re right. You can tell when the sauce is ready by the smell in the air. Isn’t that right, Marco?
Marco: I think it could have been more thick. It look like a juice. That’s not sauce. That’s like a Hawaiian punch.
Nana: Oh! That’s my sauce you talk about. I have to smack you up side of back of the head. Don’t talk about my sauce.
Marco: You know what? Sometimes when you get angry at me, it makes my thing work again.
Nana: Oh, you like when I get angry ah, do you? That’s what Marco wants? What? You want me spank you? Yeah! You want me degrade you in front of the grandchildren?
Marco: You tell me. I wanted you to be in charge.
Nana: Oh![Cut to grandchildren]
Kyle: If the sauce isn’t ready, we can just go out. Us three, just go to get Italian out somewhere.
Melissa: Yeah. We could step out. Unless this is part of it for you which I would not like.
Cecily: Yeah. We could go out and eat. So we can come back and have a different time. Something unlike we’re having now.[Cut to Marco and Nana.]
Nana: No. There’s so much sauce. It will go to waste. Marco, Marco, you upset the grandchildren with that spice around me.
Marco: Can you believe it? I date this woman for 54 years, she’s still turning me on like I’m a young boy. I’m ready to sew my seed and – get soiled, you know?
Nana: Hey Marco, just check the sauce.
Marco: Okay, I still think the sauce is too thin. Taste it. You’ll see. Right in the your mouth. Open your mouth. Come on. It’s not ready, my love.
Nana: Ah—oh, ah!
Marco: Give me a taste of that sauce.
Nana: Ah! We got to think about the kids! Oh, no!
Marco: I want you so bad.
Nana: Oh, Marco! Marco! Oh, no!
Marco: No. let’s get on the table.
Nana: Wow! Come on.[Grandchildren run away]
Marco: Okay. It doesn’t work anymore. I’m sorry.[Cheers and applause]