Melissa Villaseñor

Kyle Mooney

Cecily Strong

Nana… David Harbour

Marco… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with three grandchildren visiting their grandparents]

Melissa: Nana, papa, we’re here.

Kyle: Where are they?

Cecily: Oh, my god. Nana’s sauce smells so good.

[Cut to Nana and Marco entering the room]

Nana: Oh! Amore! Grandchildren. I never see you. You always in school. I’m so happy you’re here! [Nana hugs her grandchildren] Oh! Come in. Give your grandma a hug. I’m making sauce for you, ah? [Nana looks at Marco] Hey! Marco! What are you doing at the sauce spot? Stay away from my sauce.

[Cut to Marco looking at the sauce]

Marco: I just think it needs to be a little more thick. You know? You don’t want a runny sauce. It’ll run all over the noodles. The noodles go in the sauce.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.]

Nana: What do you put in there?

Marco: I put parmesan.

Nana: [Looking at her grandchildren] You see what I put up with? Huh?

[Cut to Marco]

Marco: She put up with that because she like the way I make love to her. Short and slow.

[Cut to grandchildren]

Kyle: Hey grandpa, good to see ya.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.] Nana: Oh, he joking but all the dirty stuff. Huh?

Marco: I’m not. I’m not. I can’t resist this woman. Her kiss is like a fine wine. The older she gets the better they taste.

[Cut to grandchildren]

Cecily: Yeah. We get it, that’s sweet to know.

Kyle: Is it? Yeah, it is.

Melissa: Anyway, you guys, the sauce smells great.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.]

Nana: Oh, thank you. I’ve been working on it all day.

Marco: It smell a little thin to me.

Nana: Marco! Get away from the sauce. Get your body away from the sauce!

Marco: Get my what away from the sauce?

Nana: I think you heard me. Your body.

[Cut to Marco]

Marco: Oh, you’re thinking about my body? Is that what you say? Then get ready for it because it’s crazy for you right now.

Nana: Oh, get off me, old man. The grandchildren, no! They’re going to see we all sex 24/7.

[Cut to grandchildren]

Cecily: No, we don’t think that. We don’t want to think that.

Kyle: Yeah. The sauce is maybe almost ready.

Melissa: Smells like it could almost be ready.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.]

Nana: Oh! You’re right. You’re right. You can tell when the sauce is ready by the smell in the air. Isn’t that right, Marco?

Marco: I think it could have been more thick. It look like a juice. That’s not sauce. That’s like a Hawaiian punch.

Nana: Oh! That’s my sauce you talk about. I have to smack you up side of back of the head. Don’t talk about my sauce.

Marco: You know what? Sometimes when you get angry at me, it makes my thing work again.

Nana: Oh, you like when I get angry ah, do you? That’s what Marco wants? What? You want me spank you? Yeah! You want me degrade you in front of the grandchildren?

Marco: You tell me. I wanted you to be in charge.

Nana: Oh!

[Cut to grandchildren]

Kyle: If the sauce isn’t ready, we can just go out. Us three, just go to get Italian out somewhere.

Melissa: Yeah. We could step out. Unless this is part of it for you which I would not like.

Cecily: Yeah. We could go out and eat. So we can come back and have a different time. Something unlike we’re having now.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.]

Nana: No. There’s so much sauce. It will go to waste. Marco, Marco, you upset the grandchildren with that spice around me.

Marco: Can you believe it? I date this woman for 54 years, she’s still turning me on like I’m a young boy. I’m ready to sew my seed and – get soiled, you know?

Nana: Hey Marco, just check the sauce.

Marco: Okay, I still think the sauce is too thin. Taste it. You’ll see. Right in the your mouth. Open your mouth. Come on. It’s not ready, my love.

Nana: Ah—oh, ah!

Marco: Give me a taste of that sauce.

Nana: Ah! We got to think about the kids! Oh, no!

Marco: I want you so bad.

Nana: Oh, Marco! Marco! Oh, no!

Marco: No. let’s get on the table.

Nana: Wow! Come on.

[Grandchildren run away]

Oh. Oh—Oh!

Marco: Okay. It doesn’t work anymore. I’m sorry.

[Cheers and applause]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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